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Author Topic: Should I be Concerned Again?  (Read 3995 times)

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Offline islander

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Should I be Concerned Again?
« on: June 19, 2006, 12:59:26 PM »
Hi Guys, 

I sometimes visit and find comfort in everyones advice, honesty and professionalism which I recieved when I was here back in late December 2004.  To refresh, I am the married guy who met a girl online, spoke and met with her 2 times before we got intimate one night. After 1 1/2 bottles of wine,  I performed cunnilingus on her (un-protected) one time, using my tounge and fingering which I thought led her to climax.  Then we had protected (trojan condoms) vaginal intercourse two times within the 1 hour.  The girl seemed nice, she was, I think a former gang banger, who had some tatoos(no offense to anyone who has any in here) which got me thinking gang bangers in some instances, have to be involved in some sort of initiation which includes an orgy. I tried to talk to her and ask her questions, but she was so mad, I had changed my phone # and called her with a blocked #, and I finally told her I was married.  She did tell me she had military boyfriend she was seeing and was a single mother as well.  We never spoke again.

My mind started playing games with me, my wife had just given birth to our little girl 12/04, and there is no excuse for what I have done, I felt so guilty and horrible, I was a complete mess. It was the first and only time it will ever happened. 

I saw a GP got tested for everything except HIV and everything came out negative.  Still, I was one of those guys, like many on here, who browsed the internet for answers, and got misinformed.  Andy, Ann, Johnattan, San Francisco City Clinic, CA and many others help me allay my fears, and told me, based on my experience, I was at no risk for HIV, and I did not need to test.  After weeks, months of getting over it and believing it I was able to move on with my life and have a normal intimate sexual relationship with my wife, and we are discussing when to go after getting baby #2.

I came back this Friday, and noticed a new forum and had to re register.   What I ready was the oral topic, "Is oral really rare"?  After reading it, I read in there the one gentlemen, who mentioned he got infected with HIV after performing cunnilingus/oral on transexual, male to female.  I know from what everyone has said, cunnilingus does not warrant a test, since it is extremely low risk if at all.  However, after reading the past thread "is oral realy rare"? and the posting from the guy who was infected from male to female transexual got me thinking the what ifs ever so slightly.  I started thinking about the worse case scenarios, thinking about my daughter not growing up with a father if I did have HIV and never knew and then something happend to me years from now because of it.  I am terrified to test, I just need to get over my mind playing tricks on me again, and need some reassurance from you guys once again, letting me know I am ok, so I can once again move forward.  I can do it, I just need to hear from you guys. 

Thank you guys,



You guys are doing a tremendous job in here, applause!

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Should I be Concerned Again?
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2006, 01:27:14 PM »

You didn't have a risk of hiv infection. If it is going to take a negative test result for you to believe that, then go get one done, collect your negative result and move on.

You didn't have a risk of hiv infection and don't let one person's "patient report" make you think otherwise. No risk. OK?


PS... If coming here to read makes you doubt the facts you already know, maybe it would be better if you gave this place a miss. You didn't have a risk.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline islander

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Re: Should I be Concerned Again?
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2006, 01:40:59 PM »
Hi Ann,

Thank you for your note.  I got it!  Just hearing it from you goes miles with me!  I did stay away literally for months, I just happened to find my way here this past friday.  Thank you for your support, and I believe and  know I will be fine. 

Have a great day Ann!


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Should I be Concerned Again?
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2006, 08:55:16 PM »
Actually I think you should get tested. Because anyone who is still lurking and hoping from one foot to the other with concern after this length of time -- yes, get tested. Collect the inevitable negative result, put the whole friggin' issue behind you and get on with your life. Because otherwise I will start to suspect you're getting some kind of enjoyment out of your worrying -- like how kids picking at sores and creating a problem where none existed.

As for the supposed case of transmission orally, that falls under the heading of undocumented and not to be taken at face value. Through the years there are so many such cases and when carefully considered they inevitably fail to stand up to rigorous to examination.

Happily, you don't have an HIV situation on your hands but maybe you need a test result to close this down.

Now it's your move.

Andy Velez

Offline islander

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  • Posts: 3
Re: Should I be Concerned Again?
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2006, 09:56:19 PM »
Hi Andy,

Thank you for your thoughts. FYI, I am not the type to get enjoyment out of my worrying.  As far as the undocumented oral transmission, it will not be taken at face value by me.   You suggested to me before I didnt need to test and that all men are dogs and to live on because this was not an HIV situation and it would be a waste of time, money and resources.  I am going with what you told me to begin with!  To be honest, I am completely better now.  I just had a moment of slight relapse, after reading the other thread I mentioned.  I am fine now.  I have to take your previous advice to others in similar situations and Ann's Advice to me and completely give this web site a miss (no offense off course, as I support everything you guys do).  Its been an absolute pleasure.  God bless all of you! :)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Should I be Concerned Again?
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2006, 09:51:01 AM »
OK. Good.

So now just keep going and getting on with your life.

With a wife and a young daughter, you're a lucky guy and you have much better ways of spending your time than slipping back into what if territory. Your life will offer you challenges enough without the unnecessary burden of worrying about a problem that doesn't exist.

Andy Velez


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