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Author Topic: HIV dating and Harry Potter  (Read 1599 times)

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Offline Ant

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
HIV dating and Harry Potter
« on: March 05, 2007, 01:51:10 AM »
Being poz myself and having, like most of us, suffered some form of discrimination or rejection from a potential partner because of this I have always been out about my status from the outset of any relationship not that there has been many.

I heard a recent report a couple of weeks ago in the UK that 1 in 10 gay men were infected with HIV yet trawling the boards on poz personals and other sites it would appear that most people are wearing invisibility cloaks. OK I have never been one for the gay scene so maybe I am missing out on something but my only explanation for this is that criminal prosecutions and rejection are keeping poz people in the closet again. Just when you though it was safe to go out at night people are hiding in the shadows once again and some of the biggest rejections are coming from other gay men (be interested to hear from other poz groups).

I feel that serosorting is a kind of unpleasant term and that it could possibly lead to ghettoising of poz people but at the same time I have signed up to many positive personals sites so I guess that makes me a hypocrite, not that there are ever many replies because there appears to be about four people in the major city I live in. So are we living in a Harry Potter world with an abundance of cloaks?

Be interested in your views guys and gals?

Sorry about the naff Harry Potter metaphor but I have just got up...

'Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.' Soren Kierkegaard

Offline keyite

  • Member
  • Posts: 514
Re: HIV dating and Harry Potter
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2007, 07:57:36 AM »
Hi Ant,

Pretty soon after I was diagnosed I changed my (admittedly pretty sexually explicit) Gaydar profile so it now discloses my HIV status - kinda as an experiment to see what would happen. I expected interest to nosedive and it did a little bit, but not nearly as much as I'd thought. I obviously get more interest from other poz guys, but overwhelmingly they want to bareback and I don't.

I think a lot of poz gay guys now assume they disclose their status pretty loud and clear via their preferences with respect to safer sex. In the HIV+ chat room on Gaydar the vast majority of public or private chat evolves around barebacking. Each to his own, but I find it really troubling how the two have become completely conflated. I feel like a minority, within a minority, within a minority.

As a consequence of my stance on safer sex virtually all the guys I have met since diagnosis have been HIV- guys (not that there's been very many). A bit ironic, isn't it? That has been good in reassuring me that rejection is far from universal but it hasn't been easy because when in the situation I worry a lot about infecting them, much more than I would with another poz guy.

All in all, I'm logging on to Gaydar less and less - a bit because of the somewhat depressing reality I find there and probably a bit because the diagnosis has prompted the start of a change in what it is I want and seek from other gay men. I'll probably be nuking that Gaydar profile soon. Perhaps create a new and very different one, perhaps try something completely different.

This rambling reply doesn't really answer your question - sorry - hope it's somewhat useful anyway. I would say this though: if serosorting is on the rise I'm not really surprised - it is as much driven by HIV+ as it is by HIV- guys. Like you, I'm a bit saddened by this trend, but more than anything because it will fail HIV- guys miserably as a prevention strategy, particularly if they think it gives them permission to abandon safer sex.

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: HIV dating and Harry Potter
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2007, 08:21:34 AM »
Hey Ant.  There may be many things at work.  If and when men seek other men for sex, called dating or not, they may be less interested in hiv status, especially less interested in dealing with someone's hiv status so, if positive, why bother, the thought?  It may be that while hiv positive men fear rejection, enough of them are still not in fear to the point of thinking that they can only appear on hiv positive dating sites, that they will still meet men interested in them out there in the real world.  It may be that, like meeting someone at a bathhouse, there is a stigma to meeting men through dating sites, through print personals, as if you had to use such things, couldn't simply step out the door?  I know the number of hiv positive men in P-town and a fraction of a fraction of them were on poz.com personals.  But this makes sense they could and can meet each other daily at a lunch for hiv positive men (and women).  And my personal feeling at the moment is that I am more likely to find the right person somewhere like here, where someone can find out about me through 900 posts, can watch me jump hurdles, reply to issues, show myself, far better than a profile which took minutes to complete.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline AustinWesley

  • Member
  • Posts: 815
    • HIV Discussion Group on Myspace!
Re: HIV dating and Harry Potter
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2007, 12:37:47 PM »
Hey Ant,

Interesting topic!

The MAJORITY of HIV+ people I know personally are not online here or place other ads.   I don't go on Gay.com much, but I've noticed most just leave their status out which is fine.

I personally feel that if people are going to complain about rejection they need to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.

By hiding in a closet it does none of us any good.   

Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!


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