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Author Topic: riding the waves  (Read 5013 times)

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Offline morethanpoz28

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  • Posts: 29
riding the waves
« on: February 12, 2007, 06:18:16 PM »
Hi everyone,

I am a new "family member."  I was diagnosed one month ago tomorrow and as most posts I have read was completely shocked and overwhelmed.  My bf and I both found out we were positive.  Neither of us cheated. I do not know why I feel compelled to include that.  It really doesn't matter "how", it is what it is.  Anyway, I am 38 years old and still feel as though life is over.  And I guess it is over as I have known it.  I have been to an ID specialist who has been wonderful.  My CD4 is 450 and vl is 600.  I don't need meds but I swear every ache, pain, and sniffle is a sign I am dying.  I am also in counseling and that has been so helpful.  I feel really blessed in terms of the support I have.  I have my man although I am worried about his health, my family knows and have been incredible and I feel a real part of something as I continue to read these posts.  I can only now begin to appreciate the "struggle" and how much I owe to those who have preceded me.  At some point I want to become an advocate and activist but right now I just want to sleep most of the time.  The depression and panic attacks have hit me like a tsunamii. The waves have not been as bad in the last few days. Time heals all wounds I guess but wow this really SUCKS.  Thanks for being there and reading my post.  All the best to everyone here at POZ!

Diagnosed 1/16/07
1st Lab 1/18/07 CD4 443; 37%; VL 660
2nd Lab 4/3/07 CD4 306; 28%; VL 1300
Retest 4/16/07 CD4 425; ?%; VL ?

Offline dtwpuck

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  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2007, 08:01:57 PM »
Hey... welcome to the forum.  I find the people on this board to be very helpful.  It's an electronic shoulder to cry on... and I have come to respect a few of the people on here very much.   I am sure others feel the same.

Be glad you have each other.  I have a friend who is in a similar situation, where he and his BF both found out.  I think it's really healthy that you don't think about cheating or who gave it to whom.  The important thing is that you have each other to begin healing.

Remember to cut yourself some slack.  It's ok to be depressed.  But what's more important is that you learn to recognize that it's depression and find ways to deal with it.  Now is the time to focus on you and your partner, how to heal and how to live.  So, my friend, it is a bittersweet welcome to the family, but I sincerely hope that your new status at least gives you the chance to grow together and learn to live life every day to its fullest.

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline lifechanging2007

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  • Posts: 29
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2007, 08:02:25 AM »

hi Lisa,

well I am sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis.
I am a newly diagnosed too, and I know this really SUCKS, and not only you have to face the most difficult virus in the human history but you have to deal with the "emotion garbage" that it comes with. Be don't forget that two are better than one. You have your boyfriend with you this means that you can help each other during the rough times, DON'T forget that.

The fight has just started for both of us, BE STRONG! I am also falling into a depression but i guess as you said time HEALS!!! let's hope that with the time left for us the "time" will come and they find a cure.

27/01/07 CD4=15.36%=245 VL=542000
14/03/07 CD4=13%=241 VL=858000    STARTED COMBIVIR AND SUSTIVA ON APRIL 27, 2007
05/09/07 CD4=22%=361  VL=undetectable
21/12/07 CD4=22%=451  VL=undetectable

The greatest adventure is what lies ahead
Today and tomorrow are yet to be said
The chances, the changes, are all yours to make
The mold of your life is in your hands to break.

Offline indyguy

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  • Hoosier Boy Single Again.
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2007, 08:21:06 AM »
Welcome. You will find a great deal of help here. I was diagnosed in November. cd>387 vl>17000 and my id wants me to start meds this monday. fun fun fun. Stay positive and listen to the advise of the experts here. I have and its been a big help ::) 
Meds doing well so far.

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 32,271
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2007, 06:05:32 PM »
Welcome. You've come to the right place. You can ask any questions you want to or discuss anything that's on your mind.

HIV is still very, very new for you so you need to give yourself time to get adjusted to it. It's essential that you have a good doctor to work with as a partner in keeping you healthy. You'll get to know the essentials about staying healthy. And you will find many people here who can provide helpful information and support.

That shock will wear off and gradually you're going to see that life is going on and it will still be good. It's good to read that your partner and family have been supportive. Your life? No, it's not over. It's just going to include some elements you hadn't planned on but that's really the way life tends to for everyone. Really.

Keep coming back here and keep us posted on how things are going.

Andy Velez

Offline morethanpoz28

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  • Posts: 29
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2007, 09:47:56 AM »
Thanks for the warm welcome and encouragement.  I am headed to my primary doc today and I am so nervous.  But everything makes me nervous nowadays.  Every little cough is a sgn of PCP or esophageal thrush (sp?).  Sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.  I am also worried about my partner who gets his first set of labs back tomorrow.  He has not been taking great care of himself and works really hard.  If he has to take meds right away (he is having a number of symptoms that suggest his system has taken a beating) I am concerned about his emotional health.  Also i worry about us having acquired drug resistant strains.  My vl was too low to have a resistance analysis completed.  So many worries...so little time.  Anyway, thanks everyone! Be well,

Diagnosed 1/16/07
1st Lab 1/18/07 CD4 443; 37%; VL 660
2nd Lab 4/3/07 CD4 306; 28%; VL 1300
Retest 4/16/07 CD4 425; ?%; VL ?

Offline dtwpuck

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  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2007, 06:45:04 PM »
Worrying does take up a lot of time, doesn't it?

Lisa, let us know how it turns out.  And know that no matter what, you have each other, and you have the ability to handle it.  It you need to talk, we are here.

And tell your partner... take care of himself.... someone needs you!

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline morethanpoz28

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2007, 06:03:59 PM »
well back from the lab and  :(.  My partner's results CD4 250, VL 1.5 million.  They are recommending he goes on meds right away.  Suggested Atripla.  He wants to postpone for two weeks until he is on vacation.  He is a truck driver and is afraid of the side effects.  Me I am just afraid.  Why is this happening???!!!  Sorry for the outburst.  I want him to start meds right now and kill all those muthaf*#rs.  i went to my primary care doc and he said I was fine.  But I don't feel fine and (warning pity party coming) I feel like I will never be fine again.  This is so HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Diagnosed 1/16/07
1st Lab 1/18/07 CD4 443; 37%; VL 660
2nd Lab 4/3/07 CD4 306; 28%; VL 1300
Retest 4/16/07 CD4 425; ?%; VL ?


  • Guest
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #8 on: March 08, 2007, 09:32:11 AM »

I know it is very hard to be experiencing what you are, but I want to encourage you spiritually. This diagnosis is not the last report. God has the last report not man!!! If you have faith as small as a mustard seed God can definitely heal you and others. You have your own salvation so though you are being supportive for your boyfriend, you guys have two separate souls. Continue to pray and seek the face of the Lord and all else will follow.

Psalms 103: 2-3
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
       and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
       and heals all your diseases

One thing I have come to realize with this journey called life, is God will never stir you wrong if you believe and trust in him.

God Bless

Offline otherplaces

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  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2007, 11:53:15 PM »


I'm sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend's diagnosis.  Adjusting to this will take some time.  But just ride it out.  You will make it to a better day...I promise. 

You will get colds just like you did before.  The first one will freak you out, but you'll see that you get better just like you did before.  Trust science.  If your CD4's are above 350 (or even 200) it's very unlikely anything will make you very sick...just like before. 

One day you will feel fine.  It probably won't feel like the "fine" you had before, but you'll feel okay, happy, even great.  And in comparison to what you're going through now you'll soar! 

My feelings about your bf starting meds is that the side effects of Atripla won't be all that bad.  Better to start now than later as he's below 350.  I took two days off of work when I started Atripla.  Nonetheless there was a crisis and I had to go in the morning after I started.  I was fine...no big deal.  But I wouldn't pop that pill and drive for at least a month or two.  It's meant to be taken at bed time.


Much love,

Offline milker

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  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: riding the waves
« Reply #10 on: March 09, 2007, 12:11:44 AM »
hi morethan!

What's your bf's previous lab results? A million+ can be bad or normal, depending on the stage of the infection? What's your bf cd4 count? Is he feeling bad? Do you know when you got infected?

It looks like you have a difficult time with this, and councelling is definitely the way to go. Don't jump and think you're going to die each time you sneeze or feel unwell. Remember before you were diagnosed, you sneezed and felt unwell too and it had nothing to do with being hiv positive. This community will be here if you need comfort :)
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

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