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Author Topic: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?  (Read 13531 times)

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Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,122
  • HIV+ since 1993. Relentlessly gay.
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #50 on: February 13, 2007, 02:25:07 AM »
I don't think it was ever not "real". I've only known a couple of people who have died of AIDS and that was back in the mid 80s. Personally it's been real since the test came back positive. I've never thought "oh it can't happen to me".

Offline onemoretime

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #51 on: February 13, 2007, 11:31:11 PM »
i think in the 2nd year it got real to me, the first year i was in shock about it 
08/04 diag 490 cd4 vl 50,000
10/25/05 436 50,513 hvb 1.1 billion
12/13/05 truvada sustiva
02/16/06 742 und, hpb 63,000
04/27/06 740 und hpb 60,000
01/05/07 458 und hvb und
03/08   470 undetectable still on atripla. Non smoking (chantex)
08/08 cd4 550 undetectable hiv, Hep B UND. Atripla
06/09  cd4 444, vl undetectable testo 130
09/09/09 CD4 687 46% UND  Testo 213 started androgel
10/12/09 cd4 682 46% und testo 597
01/12/10 cd4 842 48% und testo 434
041010 cd4 693  53% testo 492
100410 cd4 568 48% testo 523
012711 cd4 523 hcv 56 testo 596
083011 cd4 280 Hcv/HIV und
042912 cd4 158 hcv /hiv und, was on hep c for 11 months. do have ssdi filed and getting LTD
061912 cd4 151, bactrum, hep c and hiv und
071712 cd4 287 52% HIV HCV und
112012 cd4 520

Offline Boo Radley

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  • Not a "real man" and damn proud, mithter... FAB
    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #52 on: February 14, 2007, 12:18:28 AM »
just out of interest what are your thoughts on disclosing to your gp? mine doesn't know

Luckily my GP is my ID doc and it's been a long time since I had a GP.  When I did have a GP he had a large HIV+ clientele and seemed to know what he was doing, but that doesn't address your question, does it?

In my typical sitting-on-the-fence manner I defer the decision to you since you've dealt with the GP and, I hope, have a pretty good sense of the person.  Since you're a "non-minority female" I hope you deal with less stigma than some, but prejudice raises its head in all sorts of places.  Your doctor's office is one place prejudice should be forbidden so, I guess if I were you, I would consider what you know about her/him and guess what the reaction would be, then decide based on that guess. 

Actually, if you think the GP might be prejudiced it's time to get another GP if your health care system requires you to have a GP as your "primary care physician."   You have enough to deal with without having an ignorant oaf whose duty is to provide you with the best care possible making judgments about your morals, "lifestyle (hate that word)," or your "worth" as a person.

Pretty good for ambiguous advice, I guess.  Good luck!

String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!

Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline lydgate

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  • Virgin, can't drive
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #53 on: February 14, 2007, 01:25:02 AM »
I guess it became REALLY real when my boyfriend dumped me when I disclosed.
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline jntmax39

  • Member
  • Posts: 81
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #54 on: February 14, 2007, 07:15:37 PM »
Hiv Aids was always a reality for me. Working for hospice for ten+ years.Most of my clients were dying of Aids. It was sad and horrifying to see. I remember saying wow I lucked,that could have been me. I was safe now because I stopped sleeping around after the 80's. I had had such A hard life back then. I thought I was good.
Little did I know after finding out I was diabetic among a whole slew of health issues I ended up on disability. SO anyway me being in a long term relationship I thought that I didn't need to be tested. We broke up after 12 years togetherthen I had what you would call a rebound relationship with someone else.
Then I met my husband and still decided that I was safe. It was ten years later when I became very sick,they sent me to a cancer doc. He ran every test he could and then he was gonna do a bonemarrow bio- then I said well I haven't been tested in ten yrs for HIV. Went back 2weeks later and he told me I was possitive. WOW I was shocked that was 2yrs ago. It is a reality to me everyday. I just keep thinking about witch disease is gonna take me out.
My life is consumed with Doctors injections and meds,not to mention the PN has rendered me helpless amung other things. My husband and daughter take care of me. What a fuckin reality check I use to be a caregiver and now I'm the PT.
I am angry and sad,and I have knowbody I can talk to who would want to here me vent because I feel like I'm a burden to everyone. Sometime I wish that It would just be over fast and easy.
That is my reality. Thank you for this post, I feel better.LOL>>>>

Offline sdcabincrew74

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    • My Manhunt account
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #55 on: February 14, 2007, 11:43:02 PM »
lets see, a few weeks in the hospital on O2 with PCP and MAC.  Not being able to walk when I was released, blood clots, PCP coming back a second time, meds destroying my lipid levels, HIV specialist, infectious disease specialist, dermatologist, lung doctors, interns amazed at the recovery of someone so sick, having a nurse, less than a month ago, in an urgent care say "you have AIDS?  where are all your lesions and stuff, you look normal" having to tell my mom and dad so they could take turns coming out to my home on the west coast to take care of me because my partner HAD to go back to work to keep the health insurance that was footing all the bills (which totalled 325,000+ dollars in three months), 3000 dollars worth of meds every month, having my partner have to wipe my ass for me and bath me because I was simply too weak, my father begging me to eat more so I would gain weight faster, sometimes throwing up for no reason after taking meds, quarterly bloodwork, getting real skinny and then getting chubby and then trying to get back to normal, a negative partner with whom it took a year for us to realize we could still have sex, being shunned by the gay community for being POZ, being automatically accepted by the poz gay community for being poz, all poz bareback sex parties, being the only guy in my support group that did not get this while fucked up on meth, watching meth and HIV destroy another generation of gay boys, remembering to take those blasted pills every day at dinner and wondering what I will do if and when those pills quit working, keeping my health condition quiet at work because, well, even though it is illegal I know poz boys sometimes suddenly are gone from my company, there are SO many of us hiding (and I work for one of the top 5 biggest airlines in the United States), trying not to focus on the the stupid actions of my past, having the driest skin in the world thanks to the meds and virus, quesitoning whether I can mental deal with another bout of PCP and really, how much can one body take, I am stronger now than ever before but every time you get it, it is supposed to be worse, most do not survive the third round and I have already had PCP twice, wondering what my sister will tell my neices and nephews if I ever get sick (my family is fully supportive but...), watching wonderful people still die from this disease, hearing the word manageable one too many times when some days it takes all I can do not to cry (even after 2 years of dealing with it)

This shitty virus is bitch slap of reality every damn day of my life.  But really, I would not trade it for anything.  Amazing how a brush with death can make you appreciate life  :)
« Last Edit: February 15, 2007, 12:12:08 AM by sdcabincrew74 »
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline Life

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  • Posts: 2,389
  • Member 2005
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #56 on: February 14, 2007, 11:51:12 PM »
Max39 & Crew74.....

I do not know what to say other than I love you...

Offline sdcabincrew74

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Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #57 on: February 15, 2007, 08:19:37 PM »
thanks eric
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline Bartro

  • Member
  • Posts: 124
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #58 on: February 15, 2007, 11:30:17 PM »
It became real for me in 1986.  I went to pick up my best friend for lunch.  I found him in a coma on his bathroom floor.  I went with him to the hospital and stayed for three days until he finally died.  He had been quite illl for a number of years.  He never wanted to do very much until one day he callled me and said he was feeling much better.  The last two weeks of his life we went somewhere together almost every day.  We even went shopping for new doilies??   We had a real blast and then he was gone.  I guess it was his last hurrah.  My heart still hurts when I think about it.  Enough.

Offline Lou-ah-vull

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  • Posts: 1,027
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #59 on: February 16, 2007, 02:55:12 AM »
It became "real" when my best friend was diagnosed in 1990 and then my partner was diagnosed right after New Year's in 1991.  I have been living with it ever since and there has never been a day that it has not been "real" to me.

Diagnosed Oct. 2005
10/05:  367 (26.2%), 24556 VL
01/06:  344 (24.6%), 86299 VL
04/06:  374 (22.0%), 87657 VL
05/06:  Began HAART 05/15/06, Combivir/Kaletra
07/06:  361 (27.8%), 1299 VL
10/06:  454 (32.4%), 55 VL
01/07:  499 (38.4%), UD
02/07:  Switched to Atripla 2/8/07
04/07:  566 (37.7%), UD
08/07:  761 (42.3%), UD
06/08:  659 (47.1%), UD
01/09:  613 (43.8%), UD
07/09:  616 (47.4%), UD
01/10:  530 (44.2%), UD
07/10:  636 (48.9%), UD
01/11:  627 (48.2%), UD
07/11:  840 (52.5%), UD
01/12:  920 (51.1%), UD
07/12:  857 (50.4%), 40
10/12:  UD
01/13:  710 (47.3%), UD
07/13:  886 (49.2%), UD
01/14:  985 (46.9%), UD
06/14:  823 (47.2%), UD
01/15: 1366 (45.2%), UD
07/15: 1134 (50.7%), UD
02/16: 1043 (55.1%), UD
08/16:  746  (55.4%), UD
08/16:  Switch from Atripla to Genvoya

Offline allopathicholistic

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  • Posts: 3,258
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #60 on: February 16, 2007, 09:05:14 AM »
The point of this post is what event was the 'turning point' that made HIV / AIDS real to you?

I agree with you David i.e. getting my poz result (in the Spring of 2000) didn't make HIV real to me

Turning point was August 31, 2005 and nearly fainting on 49th Street from weakness. Even lifting my arm seemed impossible. I remember thinking I was gonna kick the bucket in the middle of Rockefeller Center with hundreds of strangers around and none of them would care (which was a negative assumption)

Offline BKNYLivin

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  • Posts: 76
Re: When Did HIV / AIDS Become "Real" to You?
« Reply #61 on: February 16, 2007, 04:12:31 PM »
HIV/AIDS has been real to me the last 6 months - diagnosis, pneumonia, hospital stays etc, but for some reason it be came "REALLY real" last Thursday. On the A Train, on my way to see my doctor for my lab results, I knew it was time to start HAART(and the beginning of the rest of my life) and suddenly, the floodgates opened, right there on the train. Hadn't had a good cry in a while, so it was a good thing and now I'm high on Atripla............
Diagnosed 9/18/06
10/13/06 - CD4:449, 33%,  VL:>500,000
11/20/06 - CD4: 392  VL:425,000
02/08/07 - CD4: 361, 16.9% VL:133,000
02/13/07 - Started HAART: Atripla
03/08/07 - CD4:401, 23.8% VL:643
06/05/07 - CD4:614, 33.6% VL:225
09/14/07 - CD4:612, 37%  VL: <50
12/14/07 - CD4:582, 38.5% VL:<50
4/11/08 - CD4: 658, VL: <50
3/5/09 - CD4: 847, 49% VL: <50
7/29/09 - CD4: 965, 50.1% VL: <50
12/28/09 - CD4: 925, 49.2% vl <50
9/16/10 - CD4: 1011 vl: <50


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