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Author Topic: Gaining Some Perspective  (Read 4583 times)

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Offline Blixer

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Gaining Some Perspective
« on: June 13, 2006, 06:23:50 pm »
As someone who has a relatively new diagnosis and as someone who has had major issues adapting to the meds I sometimes find that I lose a bit of perspective on things.  I wonder if my life is ever going to be anything like it used to be.  I wonder if the issues and problems that I'm having right now are going to plague me forever.  And yes, I sometimes find that I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself.  I think maybe it helps to be reminded that HIV isn't the only fight going on.  Lots of others are facing very serious things and what I find amazing is that nearly everyone has a similar response to their potentially "life threatening" situation.  They would not choose to have what they have, but it has made a difference in them and in their lives.  They consider themselves to be a better person because of what they have gone through.

I recently renewed a connection with a niece who has been battling cancer and we have had some great discussions about life and what it does when you find out you have a potentially life threatening condition.  Even though our situations differ, she still wakes up every morning wondering if her cancer is going to come back.  She was told the most likely route if it did would be in the lungs.  So every time she has any type of lung issues all of this comes crashing in.  The doctors find no evidence of the cancer, but she can never be assured that it is gone.  Just like those of us with HIV.  We may be undetectable, but it is always there, always haunting us.

She sent me this link to an article in the Joplin Missouri Globe today and I wanted to pass it on:


My niece walked the Survivor's Lap a couple of weeks ago in the Webb City Missouri Relay for Life.  She called me last Friday to say that no matter how down you you may get in the midst of this, there is light and hope on the other side.  I'm planning on being able to walk survivor's laps for many years to come.
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

Offline bobik

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Re: Gaining Some Perspective
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2006, 06:37:03 pm »
Good thoughts, David. I guess fear will always be with most of us. Even after my 13 years living knowingly with this virus I still am not used to it, I still can get frightened. Somehow even more: Getting my life back made me live the life I really want to live, as a musician. I would be really angry if I got ill again now, after all these investments I made. the thought of something going wrong is harder than it used to be in the azt-monotherapy days, when it was cÚrtain that things would go wrong. Somehow that was a security too...

Your niece sounds like an inspiring person. I hope you two will be surviving a looooooong time together.


Coen Honig at Facebook

Offline david25luvit

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  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: Gaining Some Perspective
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2006, 12:00:56 pm »
A Big Thumbs Up, David!  It's amazing what we humans can endure sometimes...
The power of positive thinking and not dwelling on the negative far outweighs
any thing you can take in a pill form.  I commend you on your good attitude and
wish you the very best. :-*
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline CalvinC

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  • Posts: 179
Re: Gaining Some Perspective
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2006, 12:13:04 pm »

David, your perspective is refreshingly dead on.

My sister, when I recently told her about this, said in her awkward fashion, "Well, you know, you could have terminal cancer." I don't think she was trying to be glib or make invalid comparisons; rather, I think she was trying to be supportive in a way that made sense to her. And in any case, she's partly right. Perspective is often a prime determinant as to how we progress in our "new" lives.


Offline Markmt

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Re: Gaining Some Perspective
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2006, 02:31:32 pm »
You are nurturing a winning attitude David. Well done and thanks for sharing your thoughts,

Keep taking care


"Live to love and love to live."

Leo Buscaglia

Offline bobik

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Re: Gaining Some Perspective
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2006, 04:22:33 am »
Hey Calvin,

Your sister reminded me of this story: when I told the conductor of my choir about my aids he said "Oh well, I could die from a heart attack and die before you." I felt a bit pissed off from that one. Then he died, from a heartattack. And I am still here!

Coen Honig at Facebook

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Gaining Some Perspective
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2006, 08:50:45 am »
Hi David,

Since we don't get any choice with regard to the endgame, what I figure is to just have the best possible day today and each and every day that I can, no matter what comes my way. Call me a pollyanna, but even a "bad day" is...better than none. I'll take it......

If I had been in charge "at the beginning" I might have arranged things differently, but I wasn't. And I'm still not in charge. All I can do is keep on truckin'.

Thanks for the thread.

Hope you're having a good one.
Andy Velez

Offline Life

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  • Posts: 2,389
  • Member 2005
Re: Gaining Some Perspective
« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2006, 11:50:00 am »
Hi David.... 

"Eric, how long did you think you were going to live??  Forever??" 

That was the first thing out of a good friend of mines mouth 10 months ago when I told him I was HIV?  I think we all have or had that feeling of immortality that we truly WOULD live forever.   Well,  as time goes along, this changes.  This changes for every single person on the planet.   Each one of us has his own trail.  If you choose to follow someones route that looks safe and rewarding, you can follow it.  Or you can find all sorts of different approaches, but the end result will always be the same in the end.  We might as well early on find the best path for us.  Those feelings you talk about, those feelings of why?  Well, its time to drop down onto a new trail, this one is going no where.   Your niece is a connection I would never let go of.   All you have is today to tell her you love her.  All you have is today to change your ideas about what this means?



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