that friend again

[CalvinC]

Hi all

Since it's kind of quiet here....

My "friend with a drinking problem" (see earlier thread) has another "problem." Okay, it isn't a problem, but I can't figure this one out.

Many months ago, my friend, who is 59 and poz, told me he had been in contact with a 17 year old who lives in the Phillipines. He said that they got to talking and, from what I gather, sexting. I told him, clearly, to stop this and delete his files. Not only did I say that it was questionally illegal but, from a dating persepective, kind of impossible. There's a 42 year age difference and they don't even live on the same continent and have no plans to meet up soon.

My friend recently told me that they are now boyfriends. His facebook page says that they are in a relationhip, since December. I have no idea if they ever plan on meeting since neither of them has much money. (I assume that the boyfriend has now turned 18.) My friend is hesitant to discuss this with me, save for the once, likely because he knows I don't approve.

My approval or disapproval doesn't matter; if that's what he wants to do, well, fine with me. But I'd like to think that I have enough life experience to know that long-distance and/or huge age differences of this sort don't work out. I don't think that the boyfriend is looking for money or anything (as I said, my friend has none), In addition, my friend has grown his hair long -- I mean, rock star length -- and it makes him look unkempt, like a homeless person. Seriously, it's awful, and I've told him plainly that it isn't a good look. All of this follows his experience of a few years ago when he had a bedbug infestion and, in order to deal with it, turned to his local MCC, of which is he now a part. As though Jesus is going to help you with bedbugs.

I'm not sure what's going on here. I live in a city whose metro population is about 6 million, and there is a huge gay scene here. It's not as though there's any shortage of available men of all ages. Lots of hair dressers too. And no, Jesus won't get rid of your bedbugs. (They are long gone....he got exterminators in.)

I want to be supportive but it's hard. I'm his oldest friend and probably know him better than anyone, going on 40 years now.

Thoughts?