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Author Topic: Introduction - Fareast4116  (Read 684 times)

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Offline Fareast4116

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Introduction - Fareast4116
« on: October 14, 2020, 08:21:03 pm »
Hi

I'm new to the forum. Recently diagnosed and just started treatment and am Malaysian . I'm really struggling in terms of the combo involving efavirenz which gives me a fog for a couple of hours after waking up on top of lack of sleep.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2020, 08:25:32 pm by Jim Allen »

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2020, 08:34:42 pm »
Hiya,

Welcome to the forum. I moved your post into it's own thread as it's customary for new members to have their own introduction thread and, as we don't post our issues in other peoples threads.

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis and that you are having trouble setteling into the meds, that can take time. How recent is recent?

Presume you are talking this med just before sleep and drinking plently? This might help reduce side effects as you adjust.

How are you doing otherwise?

Best, Jim

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Offline Fareast4116

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2020, 01:28:23 am »
Thanks Jim for moving my message to a new thread. Maybe I should just give a little more background about myself. From M31, Malaysia of Asian Chinese descent. Recently diagnosed over 3 weeks ago when I noticed thrush on my tongue and realised it's really bad and not going away. Decided to drop by a get tested via rapid test and got a reactive. The case worker was reassuring but frankly I was too numb to feel anything that time. I posted my case on reddit just to have someone to talk to because I don't plan on telling anyone my situation. Partially I don't want my family to be scared and concerned and my partner whom I've yet to have sexual relationship with despite dating so long, she wanted us to get to the next level and now I'm a total coward and don't know how to tell her.

Just a few days ago I went back to the hospital and got my vl and cd4 (2649, 325) and something just snapped in me. The two weeks waiting for the result I was still feeling fine, positive even but upon seeing the numbers it dawned to me how real this is. Immediately felt depressed. The ID prescribed Atripla and i was cautious because I already have depression and suicidal thoughts but she say it's they common way of doing things and I should give it a try and monitor my situation. If it goes south I can go back to her. So far, emotionally I've been up and down by the hour and it's honestly exhausting. Social workers are swamped with cases and they try their best to get back to me as soon as they can while I just feel like I'm so alone even though I keep convincing myself to survive this 2 weeks trial period until my next appointment with the counsellor. Sleep deprived coupled with obsession with googling not helping and I do have moments where my thoughts stray to either gassing myself or jumping of a cliff. Then I'd think of my dear old mother whom I love and just tear up and try to dismiss those thoughts. My best friend has been pushing an answer out of me but I'm not confident in telling yet. So yeah, playing it cool on the outside but total wreck on the inside. So that's the story of my struggle so far.

Offline Tonny2

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2020, 04:37:06 am »


       ojo.       Hello and welcome!, you are not alone anymore, we are here for you, anytime and all the time...your Numbers are not that bad, I’m sure your next visit to “Dracula” your result will indicate UD, this will help you digest your dx and you will start to live with hiv.

Try to take your med on an empty stomach before bed to reduce side effects and give your body a chance to adjust to your medication, it will get better with time...my good friend “virgo313”, I thing that’s his user’s name, he is from your country, I’m sure he will get in touch with you, this may help you feel at home, tho, “mi casa es tu casa”.

You don’t have to tell anyone about your dx if that’s what you want, for now, just concentrate in getting better by taking your med as prescribed...about your girlfriend, for now, as long as you don’t have sexual relations with her, you can wait to disclose with her your status, you will know when to tell her, if she really loves you, she will continue the relationship with you.

About your depression, if it gets bad, get professional help, and, if you keep having suicidal thoughts, keep thinking about your mother, you do not want to hurt her hurting yourself...again, you are not longer alone to deal with your dx, we all here know what you are goin.    g through and also, we all here know that you will feel better...If you need a should to lean on, I’m here for you, I have two shoulders...please keep us posted and we wish you the best and remember, you want to be a victor (fighter) not a victim...hugs.                                    ojo     

Online virgo313

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2020, 05:08:58 am »
Hello FE,

I was typing and tonny beat me in posting. Welcome & sorry to hear about your diagnosed. I am Malaysian Chinese too. Your VL & CD4 is ok. Not that bad. I started my meds with a single digit CD4 & much higher VL. I think you are doing fine now. Having vivid dreams & waking up at night is quite normal for those new starting meds. You will feel better as time goes by. Just continue taking meds on time.

I was also thinking of parents as they are old too. There will come a time where they need you to look after that, so do stay positive. Your target is just to get those VL down & that’s it. Do continue with your normal routine & just bear a bit with those “side effect” of medication. It will go away.

As for the needs to disclose your status, there is no need to do so. It is your decision to disclose or not. Right now do not think of this part too much. There is plenty of time later if you want to tell ur best friend. Covid numbers is rising here. Stay safe. Tks
RVD Nov 2015. VL --> Log 5.32 HAART on 23/11/15
TDF+FTC+EFV / Chemo KS - 25/11/15 - 20/01/16.
CD4 - 4 (3/11/15) / VL - 225,000

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2020, 05:43:08 am »
Hiya,

Your labs are okay and you have started treatment

Feeling numb and exsessive google'ling is not surprising, the news of an HIV dignoisis can be a lot to digest. Do try to stop the google'ling, it will just feed your fears/angst at the moment.

The others have posted great stuff and I have more to add. You are not alone  ;)
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Offline Fareast4116

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2020, 05:46:08 am »
Thanks Tonny Virgo and Jim
Actually your words of encouragement calmed me. I was having another one of my panic attack the few hours before because I have a tendency to Google symptoms and think of the worst. Left eye has been feeling dry for a few days and saw Tonny's eye condition and immediately thought of the worst. Not my proudest moment. I'm really trying to weane myself out of this habit but sometimes it comes second to nature due to my inquisitive nature.

I am thankful for the very least I didn't go below the threshold for cd4 and Vl because, you'll never know in this entire Covid situation things might get worse. I just have to keep a brave facade on for these few weeks and hero through the initial treatment. My counsellor did say I can attempt to get UD by the first month but it depends on my resilience. Today at the very least despite sleep deprived I was somewhat productive at work so I'm cautiously hooking onto those tiny wins. And yes I'd like to be on top of this disease rather that it on top of me.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2020, 05:47:54 am »
Yeah, best stay away from Dr.Google. Everytime I do that it tells me I am near death, yet I am still here  ;)
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Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2020, 05:51:06 am »
Quote
My counsellor did say I can attempt to get UD by the first month but it depends on my resilience. Today at the very least despite sleep deprived I was somewhat productive at work so I'm cautiously hooking onto those tiny wins. And yes I'd like to be on top of this disease rather that it on top of me..

Look a month it can happen for some people, others take several months and that's fine. Don't be upset if you don't get there within a month, all you can do is take your meds nothing more. Since you have started treatment and any reduction in VL will be a good sign and a positive move.

Give yourself time, it's only been 3 weeks and it can be a lot to get your mind arround.



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Offline Fareast4116

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #9 on: October 15, 2020, 05:58:08 am »
Somehow being less than 100% of what I am, scares me the most more than death. Isn't it odd, humans are evolutionary resilient species and can adapt in any situation and then there's me who can't accept changes and would rather just reset the game. But yeah Dr Google did more harm to me psychologically rather than help. So I'd get a good YouTube content about life and have a good cry about to balance myself out.

I'm not going to aim for UD but I'd love to see improvement to my Vl and Cd4. Having said that I know the general consensus is that VL>CD4 as CD4 fluctuates all the time. I just need to rewire my brain that this is not some fever or cold that antibiotics can sort out within a day or two.

Online virgo313

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #10 on: October 15, 2020, 01:30:35 pm »
Don’t worry on the VL & CD4. I assure you that VL load will be monitored every 3 or 6 months. I have mine done every 6 months (5 yrs since poz).

As for CD4, it will come to a point/stage where this is “not relevant” anymore. Why? That’s because Drs know as long as the VL is UD & CD4 is above a certain numbers (400 or 600 or 800), it does not matters. Only when it is too low then they are worry that One may get other infections. For the past 2 years I have been cursing *#%*# my dr because they are not doing CD4 test.  ;D
RVD Nov 2015. VL --> Log 5.32 HAART on 23/11/15
TDF+FTC+EFV / Chemo KS - 25/11/15 - 20/01/16.
CD4 - 4 (3/11/15) / VL - 225,000

Offline Fareast4116

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #11 on: October 15, 2020, 06:07:50 pm »
I guess if they stopped doing that I'd have the option to go PT to check if I'm curious about my Cd4. Just wondering Virgo, if you have any recommendation for therapy/counselling. Won't deny I have trouble again tonight as I started having really shallow breaths panic attackas I readied for bed for no reason that kept me awake the whole night. Mentally felt like something is crashing down and I didn't know what to do or who to talk to.

Online virgo313

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #12 on: October 15, 2020, 10:13:23 pm »
Yeah, PT do offer CD4 testing, but I am not keen knowing it does not matter as my last reading was 475. Would not want to waste money.

Sorry to know that you hv difficulties sleep & having thought issue. You can reach out to try PT for help. Also KLASS. Here is the website- http://klass.org.my/

At start I have having problem sleeping too. My habit that I sleep following European timing.  ;D. What I did then was to clean my house for hours in middle of night until I get tired and fall a sleep. Try doing something rather then lying in bed to force urself to sleep. Take ur mind off by playing games. Watching movies or maybe cooking a light meals to eat.

Reach out for support if thing are the same now. Keep posting & you will have support here too. Tks
RVD Nov 2015. VL --> Log 5.32 HAART on 23/11/15
TDF+FTC+EFV / Chemo KS - 25/11/15 - 20/01/16.
CD4 - 4 (3/11/15) / VL - 225,000

Offline Fareast4116

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #13 on: October 16, 2020, 01:56:28 am »
I actually managed to get in contact with KLASS and now I'm feeling way better than before. Was hiding and internalising a lot of my emotions and thoughts for the past month since my diagnosis and I know that wasn't healthy. So I manage to get assurances from doctors that I'm not as susceptible as I thought I am and had a good mental release with the case worker. Just gonna get my eyes checked and I'll be ready again.

My go to solution to calm myself was actually to listen to religious songs and somehow that gave me goosebumps as if it healed me of my manic and calmed me down a lol bit.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #14 on: October 16, 2020, 01:59:13 am »
Glad you are feeling reassured.

Your CD4 count is fine and once the VL is UD there is no need to worry about CD4's/
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
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Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
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You can read about HIV prevention here:
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Read about PEP and PrEP here
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Offline Fareast4116

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Re: Introduction - Fareast4116
« Reply #15 on: October 16, 2020, 08:23:45 pm »
Thanks Jim. My ID doctor isn't concerned about me having OI for now if I abstain for a lil bit or at least practice safe sex. Not that I'm in the mood for it. She gave me a 'treatment buddy' and even though I don't know that guy, I've shared everything and he's said things that made me feel better about myself. Coupled with support from here I'm actually quiet glad I don't feel alone.

 


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