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Author Topic: Going insane  (Read 940 times)

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Offline AnxietyA

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Going insane
« on: April 25, 2020, 05:06:08 am »
Dear All

Please help me my anxiety is driving me insane. Yes I do feel guilty and I have really beaten myself up about this

Back in December I visited a sleezy rub n tug Chinese massage parlour. I was completely naked throughout and After 45mins of a hot stone massage the masseuse got naked and finished me off with a happy ending handjob (not sure if there were any bodily fluids from her I touched her vagina but took my hand away) I ejaculated and she cleaned me with a towel or wet wipe  before finishing the last 5 minutes of my body massage.

I feel guilty as I do have a regular partner and this one moment of stupidity has led me to having all kinds of thoughts. Creating ridiculous ďwhat ifĒ scenarios.  Now Iím worried that I may have got HIV

I went to a health clinic in February and I explained to the nurse my situation about getting a handjob from a unknown lady  and she said that there is no need for concern but still took a urine test. I am now worried as to whether I should of got a hiv blood test

Please let me know if I should get a HIV test or is there honestly no need to worry as I want to continue having sex with my regular partner

I look forward to hearing from you

Thanking you

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Going insane
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2020, 05:55:40 am »
Hiya,

Sorry to hear that you have been having these fears.

Nothing you mentioned from the massage could result in you acquiring HIV. Your concerns lack all the conditions required for HIV transmission, simply put you had no HIV exposure, no HIV risk.

No amount of guilt is going to change how HIV is or is not transmitted.

Reading your post, the only HIV risk mentioned would be to you from your partner. Ill give you the same advice I give anyone in a relationship.

If you engage in condomless sex with your partner it would meet all the biological conditions needed for you to acquire HIV.

Now I don't judge couples that decide to engage in condomless sex, it's often based on trust within a relationship or past test results. However, just note this trust or past results does not prevent HIV and any unprotected intercourse is simply accepting a possible risk towards you of acquiring HIV.

Test regularly for HIV and far easier to transmit STI's.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions.  Consider starting PrEP as an additional layer of HIV prevention going forward.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as safe in terms of HIV might still pose a risk for transmission of other far easier to acquire STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature.

Kind regards

Jim

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HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
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HIV prevention
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Offline AnxietyA

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Re: Going insane
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2020, 12:37:36 pm »
Thank you Jim for your quick reply

I havenít had sexual intercourse  since my last HIV test. Therefore I could not not have contracted HIV from this incident please can you let me know if I am ok to proceed life as normal. My head is making up so many scenarios and making it really difficult. I know I put myself into this position from making such a stupid mistake that I feel guilty for but I donít want to put my partner at risk and that is my main concern. There is no chance I could of got HIV from this idiotic incident? Do I need testing?

Thanking you

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Going insane
« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2020, 12:41:10 pm »
Hiya

Let me make this clear and simple.

You did not acquire HIV from the events posted about the massage. No exposure, No risk, No test needed - Move on with your life.

I'm sorry that you have these fears, but they are irrational, perhaps driven from some sort of moral guilt who knows. If you can't move on consider speaking to a therapist about your thoughts.

Now if you have sex with your partner without condoms that is obviously an HIV risk to you. Past test results mean nothing.

Jim
« Last Edit: April 25, 2020, 01:08:06 pm by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline AnxietyA

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Re: Going insane
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2020, 02:59:46 am »
Thank you Jim

I understand my thoughts are irrational but they are still present. This is fuelled with the fact that due to COVID-19 and all sexual health clinics being closed I canít even get a test for HIV whilst social distancing with my partner at home whom I donít want to pass anything onto

Please can you clarify is it still not a risk even if the lady used vaginal fluids as lube and massaged the tip of my penis and urethra???

Itís been nearly 5 months and now Iím thinking WHAT IF I did have sex and just canít remember!? For all I remember was going in, asking for a run n tug, lying on my back and having her stand naked next to me giving me a handjob till I cummed, I went and washed my hands in the disgusting toilets and I was so sickened with myself after touching her vagina.

I just want to move on with my life but continuously beating myself up over this - Iíve convinced myself Iíve got HIV

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Going insane
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2020, 04:24:54 am »
Hiya,

I've already answered the handjob, touching her vagina question. Nothing you mentioned from the massage could result in you acquiring HIV. Your concerns lack all the conditions required for HIV transmission, simply put you had no HIV exposure, no HIV risk.

So no exposure, No risk, No test needed over this incident. There are a few reasons, one being HIV so incredibly fragile it's sexually only transmitted inside the confines of the human body as in never being exposed outside like during intercourse.

The only possible risk to you from what you posted would be any unprotected sex with your partner.

I do wish you well and I'm sorry to hear this guilt has triggered some irrational fears, however, I can't help you with that in this setting, it's something perhaps to discuss with a therapist. All I can tell you is no amount of feeling guilty will create an HIV risk.

Finally, if you want to reduce your HIV risk remember to use condoms for any intercourse, no exceptions and to test yearly out of routine for STI's and HIV.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2020, 04:28:52 am by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

 


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