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Author Topic: Abstinence/relationship after diagnosis  (Read 1098 times)

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Offline Wolfie123

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Abstinence/relationship after diagnosis
« on: February 14, 2020, 06:54:03 am »
Soooooo it's been about 6 months since I was diagnose... that's crazy  to think about. It was such an emotional time and still is at some points... I've learned so much about myself again.. I was nervous and still am about talk to guys or telling someone my status. I'm not scared I just want to make sure they are trustworthy and for me! I've been abstinent since my diagnosis and it doesnt seem to bother me too much on the  sex aspect of it all now I just want conversation and connection... which is.so hard in today's mindset for men... it's all just sex.... but I literally feel nothing for the sex part! I'm craving to know the person... I feel like that will make the journey for love that much harder... subconsciously I accepted this but above the surface its nerve wracking to think I'll be alone and never experience love ever again.... but as always remain optimistic and work on myself and my life and where I want to go with it all.

Thanks for listening.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Abstinence/relationship after diagnosis
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2020, 09:49:03 am »

6 months is very early into the journey, heck anything less then a year I call the "digesting the diagnosis phase".  So my first thoughts are to give yourself time, dating, relationships and sex is something that can prehaps wait if you are not there yet.

I feel like that will make the journey for love that much harder... subconsciously I accepted this but above the surface its nerve wracking to think I'll be alone and never experience love ever again

Lots of things make that journey harder, it's not like we remain 19 years old without any baggage forever. HIV is just a very small item though in my experience and prehaps you are mentally building up the issue to be bigger then they are, prehaps it's just a matter of first becoming more comfortable with your HIV status.

literally feel nothing for the sex part!

Do let your doctor know, sometimes there are physical reasons sex-drive drops and/or emotional ones, depression ect.

How are you feeling for the rest? 

Anyhow, wishing you all the best and don't give up on things.

« Last Edit: February 14, 2020, 09:53:57 am by Jim Allen »
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Online leatherman

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Re: Abstinence/relationship after diagnosis
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2020, 10:10:47 am »
Soooooo it's been about 6 months since I was diagnose
when you've been undetectable for 6 months then there's no chance you'll transmit HIV, so there's a happy thought that should make sex sound better in the future

to think I'll be alone and never experience love ever again
That's what I thought when my first partner (of 10 yrs) passed away.
That's what I thought again when my second partner (of 10 yrs) passed away.
Now I'm with my third partner (of 7 years, 3 years married).  :-*

Never say "never"; because life will usually prove you wrong. :)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)

Offline lightalltheway

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Re: Abstinence/relationship after diagnosis
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2020, 10:38:00 am »

I can completely understand you. Meaningful connection is vital and personally I believe they are your own details scripts which you need to 'click or not to click' with any potential sexual partner.

We are on the same boat, and I have been positive since 2016. At the beginning, I was always wondering and asking my self questions related to loneliness and feelings of 'inferiority' or having to over-market my reality in order to prove myself that I am compatible. Then I figured out that I was in an endless vicious circle, tired and alone, completely lonely. My status drifted me to a better place in which I understand myself more, I love myself more and I know more about my needs. As a result, I have no point to prove any longer for nobody.

It requires patience, determination and time. But you can surely do with and things will fall into place organically.



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