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Author Topic: Anxiety getting the better of me  (Read 919 times)

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Offline Scaredajith

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Anxiety getting the better of me
« on: October 19, 2019, 05:53:19 pm »
2 months ago, I had an unprotected oral exposure from a CSW (her mouth on my penis). I know this forum says NO risk at al. However, she wiped my penis with alcohol/ baby wipe, I don't remember exactly.

On 2nd day I went to Sexual Health Clinic, who said I dont need to worry about HIV, but most commonly spread STIs are Chlam, Gon and Syphilis. They took urine samples and asked me come back on week-6 to get tested for Syphilis. Meanwhile, they asked to come back if I find any sores or marks on palms of hands or foot indicating that might be Syph.

Normally, I found marks everywhere and rushed to clinic the 3rd week. There was no doctor there. The nurse suggested if I am seeing symptoms, I should visit the nearby walk in clinic to have them checked.

The doctor took blood for HIV, Syph, Hep-B,C since they are tested with the same 2 blood vials and asked me to come back after day 30 since that is the guideline to test for HIV, I told her that the other clinic said NO RISK.

What she said triggered my HIV anxiety which was only Syph anxiety until then. HIV can spread that way better be sure than sorry. :( I said I have muscle aches in my shoulder, she said, let the results come back, sometimes the infection causes pains.

I got tested on Day 21 for all STI's- chlam, syph, gon, HIV, Hep-B (immune to this), Hep-C and came back negative.

Day 31- HIV, Hep-B,C, Syph- Came back negative.

(All tests are 4th gen CMIA with blood drawn from veins)

Meanwhile my penis glans turned red. I went to her for another round of test on Day 41. She refused to order HIV test since she said, it is a guideline to test only after 3 months and they will be audited (since I guess this is free healthcare in Canada). She caused my HIV anxiety and it is in no way lessening until I found this site and the moderators explicitly telling NO RISK.

However, my mind is playing tricks like random rashes and not letting my rational part take control.

Day 41- Syph, Hep-B,C - Negative.

I know that after 90 days it is considered conclusive. I am really scared like everyone else that I will be the first person to get infected with HIV by getting blow job.

There are two more weeks to day 90 and I am getting restless. :(

Any moderator reply will help me calm down. And I know authentic sources like CATIE and i-Base says no RISK

1) Is there a chance that I will be infected this way since alcohol can irritate the delicate glans of the penis and be inflammed the virus can get in. I got pearly penile papules the next day.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Anxiety getting the better of me
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2019, 06:21:54 pm »
Hiya,

You had no risk for HIV from this event. End of story.

You got triggered by one comment from a scaremongering halfwit, I am sorry to hear that however if you can't move past this I would recommend you consider speaking to a psychiatrist to help you cope with your thoughts and reactions.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider starting PrEP going forward as an additional layer of protection against HIV

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as safe in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other easier to transmit STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

Please Note.
As a member of the AM I Infected Forum you are required to only post in this one thread no matter how long between visits or the subject matter. You can find this thread by going to your profile and selecting show own post and it will take you here . It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Any additional threads will be deleted.
« Last Edit: October 19, 2019, 06:40:07 pm by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Scaredajith

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Re: Anxiety getting the better of me
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2019, 02:44:47 pm »
Hi Jim,

Thank you.. Means a lot. You are one of my heroes. Swimming through a sea of hypochondriacs like me.

I will post my results not because I suspect you. But for others who are worried like me.

I understand that your risk assessment will not change if I said that she wiped my penis before she sucked not after, after I saw your replies that abrasions/ cuts will not matter for this act.

Just a quick question and only curious to understand- You were saying virus is transmitted within confines of the body. This act also happens within the confines of the body (mouth), then why will this not happen? Because saliva is not infectious and inactivates the virus?

Please let me know.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Anxiety getting the better of me
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2019, 03:18:32 pm »
The mouth is hardly airtight, I presume the person sucking you off was breathing. Anyhow that barrier asides it lacks exposure to viable copies of the virus at levels required for the transmission of HIV.

You have already been told by the clinic it was not an HIV concern, so you are HIV negative unless you have had other sexual encounters not mentioned here. It's that simple.
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Scaredajith

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Re: Anxiety getting the better of me
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2019, 06:50:36 am »
Received my 3 month test result for HIV and Syph- NEGATIVE.

The bazooka (HIV) was not fired and I escaped other bullets (other STIs) too.

Promised myself I will post my results here for the benefit of others and for others to trust the moderators when they tell you something.

Thank you Jim and others. If not for your witty comments when people asked about getting their penis sucked (for eg., your penis could as well ask me if you can get pregnant from getting your penis sucked), I would not have coped up. Whenever anxiety attack occurs, I quickly open this forum to read and re-read what you have written and assure myself that there can be nothing like HIV.

My further experience is for others who get stressed for nothing.

Day-1: Got my penis sucked - never did it before with a CSW. Will never do it again.

Day-2- Randomly came across STDs and got tensed. I knew that HIV is not a concern with oral sex but there are other nasty bugs like syphilis, chlam and gon. Called up sexual health clinic. They advised me to come next day.

Day-3- Most accurate assessment received now that I look in hindsight. "HIV does not pass that way, the most commonly passed STIs are chlam and gon. Syphilis rarely passes, however, things are in your favor due to 2 things - Syphilis is extraordinarily rare in women and more common among msm. Syphilis in the mouth is even more rare. So submit your urine sample now and if you are really stressed about Syphilis, get tested after 6 weeks. Meanwhile if you find any sores on palms of hands/ foot or rashes on trunk, come back immediately.

SHOULD NOT HAVE CONSULTED OTHERS and SHOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN DOWN THE GOOGLE WELL after this. I had chicken pox when I was a child, until then, I never even know where the marks were. After that, I was confused if those marks are of chicken pox or are of new infection like doc said.

Week-3: Went to doc to get tested since naturally my brain found sores everywhere- Should not have done this. When in stress, you look at your body, you will see sores that are not there in the first place. The doctors were not available at sexual health clinic. The nurse there suggested to go to nearby walkin clinic if I am seeing symptoms- The biggest mistake I did.

The doctor at the walkin clinic alleviated my syph anxiety, but now induced me with HIV anxiety saying 'let me test for HIV too' as said earlier, my HIV anxiety started.

I was a complete mess even as negative results came in consistently. Day 21,31- HIV and Syph neg Day 41- Syph neg. The doctor refused to test for HIV until 3 months have elapsed -since there are guidelines and they are subject to audit.

Those 2 months have been hell. I had anxiety attacks. My penis turned red, because I overwashed it to look for syphilitic sores.

The CSW did not give me anything- I GAVE MYSELF IRRITANT CONTACT DERMATITIS due to my anxiety.

Luckily I came across this forum on 3rd month. The moderators did a great job at convincing everyone who got their penis sucked that it is not a HIV concern. But, here is the kicker- anxiety when it gets hold of you- you can in no way calm down, even if Jesus comes down to tell you that you are not infected.

Here is the only advise I can give to others- Please do not go down the google well. Even if you go, please trust only authentic sources- Pozforums (if you want assessment in detail), CATIE, i-Base, heck even CDC placed oral sex on par with kissing and handshakes on their risk estimator tool. As moderators on this forum say, the only activity that is 100% safe in regards to HIV is masturbation alone. So, if you cannot accept that level of infinitesimally low risk- please don't do it. I realised I cannot, so I will not do it.

One last time- Thank you so much Jim Allen, Ptrk, Ann, RapidRod and others. You guys are amazing! Have a wonderful life- I will pray that you and your family should always be happy.

Adieus Amigos.!

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Anxiety getting the better of me
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2019, 07:29:56 am »
Look I'm glad the negative result gives you peace of mind.  It was not an HIV risk to start with but at least you can move on now and I do hope that you don't have a repeat of this panic in the future. 

Shaking hands is not on par with oral sex, that just feeds into paranoia.  "Oral sex" covers so many sins some are near negligible risk and others are simply no risk, context is everything so stay away from generic CYA or Paranoid publications is what i recommend. 

Take it easy, Jim
« Last Edit: November 07, 2019, 07:34:23 am by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

 


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