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Author Topic: One year ago  (Read 850 times)

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Offline beanstalk

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One year ago
« on: August 29, 2019, 07:43:46 pm »
One year ago I received my confirmatory HIV test.


It feels like a life ago. Before having to take the daily pill. Before having the constant though of a virus consuming you from the inside.

People say it gets better with time. It didn't. At least not yet. Today is a day for mourning.


But still, here I am, alive and physically well. The show must go on.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: One year ago
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2019, 05:49:04 am »
Hiya,

Well glad things are physically okay.
Did you make the move to France or Belgium BTW?

Quote
People say it gets better with time.

Each journey is different although a year is no time at all and things are often not a straight line. Up's & down's do happen, I hope there is someone face to face you can talk to about how you are feeling? If not it might be an idea to seek out some peer support and let the doctor know how you are feeling.

I added a post you made a few months ago as it sounded like you were in a good place and doing well at the time, I'm sorry to hear that this is not the case today but I hope you can get back to this.

Hugs

Hello again,

I just had my first doctor visit after being undetectable for the first time and it seems everything is fine! 6 months of Triumeq, undetectable, my numbers are all great and I feel great. I have been having sexually active (even sometimes without condom, but always informing) and nobody has called me yet with some bad news so I guess that's good  ::)

I also managed to get more pill bottles at my hospital after complaining a lot about it and I even managed to get them to stop mailing my parent's home  ;D

I feel healthy and happy, I am eating better, going to the gym every day getting a nice bod, started working at a good company and I've never felt better than now (still with a pikachu face tho, I think I'll have to wait a long time for that one to be treated... Another positive ANA but the other doctor is still doing tests...).

Anyway, I got used to taking the pills (I never missed one through all this time!) and I don't think HIV is having any impact in my life besides the occasional visit at the hospital :)

Cheers!

« Last Edit: September 04, 2019, 05:30:18 pm by Jim Allen »
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Offline fabio

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Re: One year ago
« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2019, 11:57:30 am »
Don't worry beanstalk,things are bound to get better. Hiv is just a thought now with the pills. People take all sorts of pills,they have all sorts of health issues (both physical and mental) and it's good that they take action.
And you are right the show must go on and it doesn't have to be a sad one.
Personally I don't want to ever be sad and I refuse to be the "unfortunate one" or "irresponsible one" because we are human and we make mistakes,it's just a virus,anyone could have had it through all possible means. I ain't gonna be their "worst case scenario" I will live life with dignity and my head up high. This has helped me understand other peoples actions and mistakes as well,and I can bring myself to forgive.
I am very glad to have met people (even if it's just online) in this forum. I want you to not worry about it,because happy times are about to come for you as is for everyone else in here. I give all the positive vibes to you .

Offline lightalltheway

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  • Posts: 142
Re: One year ago
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2019, 05:01:33 pm »
beanstalk,

Your message is an anniversary. In which a year ago there was something and now it is something else. This anniversary does not occur in a vacuum, and feelings are attached to it. As mentioned by Jim, some days up and some days down. Please try to unpack this statement and link it with feelings. Its absolutely normal to have low days. Even if you are free from HIV, I firmly believe that you will also be passing through such type of days.

This message of support is to confirm that you are not alone. and from pain we grow stronger together. Time will heal everything.

My doctor said to me a statement that I motives me whenever I pass through similar days like yours, he stated: HIV virus is a tiny one which likes extra attention, your medication is taking care of it.

I hope this will help you, too.

Prince

Offline beanstalk

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  • Posts: 28
Re: One year ago
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2019, 08:24:14 pm »
Hiya,

Well glad things are physically okay.
Did you make the move to France or Belgium BTW?

The move would be on November only since I still have to finish uni here in Portugal. However, a really really big company has managed to snatch me with a really good offer and I think I will be able to travel a lot for work while keeping my home in my current city! This way I can fulfill my dream of going abroad/meeting new people/learning new languages. I will also have travel insurance and other perks I would not have if I just moved abroad and I think I'm actually required to come back to the office in my residence city from time to time which is perfect to get my meds. I'm starting in two weeks!


Each journey is different although a year is no time at all and things are often not a straight line. Up's & down's do happen, I hope there is someone face to face you can talk to about how you are feeling? If not it might be an idea to seek out some peer support and let the doctor know how you are feeling.

I added a post you made a few months ago as it sounded like you were in a good place and doing well at the time, I'm sorry to hear that this is not the case today but I hope you can get back to this.

Hugs

I don't really have anyone to talk to. I'm just hoping to drown in work and forget about everything else (not in a bad way, I am just doing what I love and hoping to keep improving).

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I just feel tired from having the thought of having HIV 24/7 but I believe this is something inherited from my personality (not being able to let go) and I doubt me or anyone else will be able to do anything about it. Also, the permanent fires from hell burning on my face aren't helping with my case (I don't even care about the redness anymore). I was forwarded from the autoimmune doctor to a dermatologist who prescribed me a 50 ointment that relieves me a lot... For a total of three hours a day! lol Plus I get to wear a sunscreen that turns my face white, otherwise no going outside for me. I'm literally a vampire right now.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2019, 08:30:51 pm by beanstalk »

 


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