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Author Topic: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?  (Read 1339 times)

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Offline Kingofhearts517

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  • Posts: 4
Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« on: May 18, 2019, 10:17:56 pm »
I wasn't quite sure how to title this post so allow me to be more elaborate.

I'm a little over a year into receiving my HIV diagnosis. I do not know who I contracted the virus from and the hard part about being HIV for me is not know the 'who' and the 'for how long'.

For a few years, I had a lot of sexual encounters where I only performed oral sex. But I've only had a small handful of encounters in which I was the bottom, and only two of those in which I was ejaculated in. This may be TMI but the reason I bring it up is because I have a suspicion, although not a great one, that one (or both) of these men gave me the virus. One of the guys, however, had passed away a few years ago, and I'm not sure what from.

This may be farfetched but my question is, is there a way for me to find out,  via their doctor or medical provider, if this said person had HIV or AIDS?

Offline Almost2late

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  • Posts: 1,196
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2019, 11:35:46 pm »
Hi there kingofhearts,

I'd say yes depending where you live. In the states I believe the department of health in most states, probably all want everyone to know their status so they usually ask you who have you had sex with or shared needles with.

It's possible that the person who transmitted the virus to you doesn't even know. Have they contacted you yet?
"Hang on to your hopes my friend..
thats an easy thing to say,
but if your hope should pass away,
simply pretend that you could build them again"...

Offline terrymoore

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  • Posts: 483
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2019, 04:12:44 am »
1. You can ask the guy that is still alive.
2. If you had sex without a condom and were the bottom (but even if you were top) so you were exposed whether they ejaculated or not! HIV passes in pre-cum too and through anal tissue.
3. Though oral, fro what i understand, there are no documented cases of transmission.
4. Why does it matter? Is there a practical reason for wanting to know?

Offline Hope4life

  • Member
  • Posts: 40
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2019, 06:22:26 am »
There few things I would like to say
1. I think rather the thinking over the issue that who gave u the virus you should ponder about being adherant towards your medicines and how can you have safer sex no on words. As that will reduce the chances of getting any other infection from others or if u r not undetectable thn other will be safe from hiv transmission.
2. Now the ethical reply, I don't know whether they ask about Ur past partners in Ur state. However if u are sure that you only had two three exposure specially after your last negative test. Than you should give the health department name and ask them to ask them anonymously to have a checkup. That will save their lives. However key word in this statement is "your last negative hiv test". If u never had a hiv test before or u had it way back than it is difficult to track anyone. But ethically Ur latest partner should be tested.
Other senior members will.their valuable reply. I hope I made a point. Tc. And bless you.

Offline Hope4life

  • Member
  • Posts: 40
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2019, 06:25:14 am »
Excuse my misspelled typing here I am.not good in typing over phone keypads.

Offline leatherman

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  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2019, 07:14:49 am »
I'm a little over a year into receiving my HIV diagnosis. I do not know who I contracted the virus from and the hard part about being HIV for me is not know the 'who' and the 'for how long'.
the "who" would be you because you had unprotected sex. While it's easy to blame someone else, it was you would didn't protect yourself, so its you that allowed yourself to be infected. HIV, STIs, and even pregnancy can be the possible results when people do not protect themselves during sex.

as to the "how long", you might be able to get a better grasp by two things 1) when you had your last negative test and 2) your VL/cd4 count at diagnosis. If you weren't having protected sex then I certainly hope you were testing frequently, so that could help you pinpoint when. If you weren't even testing, then you could see where your VL and cd4 numbers might match up to this generalized chart of HIV infection.


4. Why does it matter? Is there a practical reason for wanting to know?
terrymore makes a great point. Why does it matter who it was? You know it was someone you had unprotected sex with. You also know it's someone who doesn't know they are HIV+, because if they knew and were on medication then they wouldn't be transmitting HIV (undetectable = untransmittable, U=U). Why does it matter how long? ARVs stop HIV no matter how long you've been infected. Why you could be infected 10 yrs and dying of AIDS, and ARVs would probably get you back to full health eventually.

for the record I was probably infected 35 years and the "who" and "how long" was never an issue that made one bit of difference in my life, my treatment, or my health. Knowing these answers won't make a difference for you either. Oh you might wonder now in the first year of your diagnosis but those answers wouldn't change anything for you even if you knew them - so why worry about them at all? More on ahead with your life and don't dwell in the past. ;)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)

Offline newbie2016

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  • Posts: 45
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2019, 06:23:50 am »
Hi, I can understand you wanting to find out or know when you contracted hiv
If i had not checked and passed a partners name on they may have not known they to were hiv positive. 
I think it is personal and the other party are on there own personal journey
I only hope they choose to save another possible person.
Its a humane thing to want to know and help someone you loved or were intimate with.



Offline MarkintheDark

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2019, 06:54:09 am »
I, too, can understand your curiosity.  I suppose that kind of curiosity is inevitable for many of us.  imo, that's human nature.  But, as @leatherman indicated, that doesn't change a thing.  Nevertheless, it's an issue that's bothering you.

I'm wondering, do you have others with whom you can discuss this?  What's your support like?  Perhaps a group or a therapist specializing in HIV could be useful, particularly since the issue is still bothering you a year on.  Nothing like face-to-face contact to get me out of myself, back into the here-and-now.

In a broader sense, I'd be concerned if the issue started to affect your adherence or other parts of your life.
HIV dx - 02/93
AIDS dx - 07/01
Rilpivirine/Cabotegravir guinea pig since 01/17

Offline Kingofhearts517

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2019, 06:11:05 pm »
Thank you all for the responses.

I should be clear and say that I have long accepted that it really doesn't matter who I got HIV from nor how long I've had it. I've been on medication for almost a year now and am undetectable and very grateful for that. I will probably always wonder who I got this virus from but I'm more or less focusing on helping others be safe and getting tested regularly because I definitely didn't do that when I really should have.

God bless you all :)

Offline JosephP

  • Member
  • Posts: 318
  • Keep looking FORWARD... Dx'd 8/10/2013...
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2019, 10:50:35 pm »
I wasn't quite sure how to title this post so allow me to be more elaborate.

I'm a little over a year into receiving my HIV diagnosis. I do not know who I contracted the virus from and the hard part about being HIV for me is not know the 'who' and the 'for how long'.

For a few years, I had a lot of sexual encounters where I only performed oral sex. But I've only had a small handful of encounters in which I was the bottom, and only two of those in which I was ejaculated in. This may be TMI but the reason I bring it up is because I have a suspicion, although not a great one, that one (or both) of these men gave me the virus. One of the guys, however, had passed away a few years ago, and I'm not sure what from.

This may be farfetched but my question is, is there a way for me to find out,  via their doctor or medical provider, if this said person had HIV or AIDS?

Dear King,
Why does it matter? It is an exercise in futility and will not reverse our route. I read further on that you have accepted fully your status! Leave at that.. Don't spend energy looking for the 'culprit'. I don't want to sound uncaring or cold, but there are many other things you can do with your life to waste time looking for the 'guy' who did it.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2019, 10:57:47 pm by JosephP »
Today January 20, 2020, I have taken 2378 pills of my ARV since first pill. This means 79 bottles of 30 pills of ARVs at an average of $3950 per bottle or $313,103 USD for my treatment. I have a compliance of 99.83% taking my meds and only .17% (or 4 pills) non-compliant. Of these four pills two I forgot completely, One I lost and one I didn't have with me while traveling! I became UD 3 months after treatment start   ***We are all dealing with this. And we will live long and productive lives!! AND, yes the Lord is my shepherd. Life is good... And thanks for the meds! ***

Offline TGun

  • Member
  • Posts: 31
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2019, 12:08:50 am »
im kinda in your shoes also in that i dont really know the source of how i got this.  Ive gotten to the point 20 months into it that i dont care anymore, it doesn't matter to me.  looking into the past and trying to understand that only keeps me in the past and i a dark place.  I perfer to move on and look into the future.  I take my meds daily and think to myself that every pill is adding a month to my life as i know without them i will die.  i choose to appreciate life and those that remained a part of it and give as much as possible to the loved ones around me.  Best of luck to you

Offline Mindless

  • Member
  • Posts: 276
Re: Finding out who you contracted the virus from?
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2019, 09:48:33 am »
im kinda in your shoes also in that i dont really know the source of how i got this.  Ive gotten to the point 20 months into it that i dont care anymore, it doesn't matter to me.  looking into the past and trying to understand that only keeps me in the past and i a dark place.  I perfer to move on and look into the future.  I take my meds daily and think to myself that every pill is adding a month to my life as i know without them i will die.  i choose to appreciate life and those that remained a part of it and give as much as possible to the loved ones around me.  Best of luck to you

Nice thoughts 👍

 


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