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Author Topic: dealing with my anxiety, psychologist and triggers  (Read 460 times)

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Offline an92

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dealing with my anxiety, psychologist and triggers
« on: April 21, 2019, 12:29:25 pm »
So after my 10 months of treatment i'm doing good. results are all good, viral load is undetectable and has been since early on. But it took a while to be honest enough with myself to admit that I have anxiety issues. Not about the illness itself, but rather about my therapy, my pills, fear of infecting my husband. So two weeks ago I finally had a session with a psychologist, and now I'm having a session once a week. It's helping me, at least I thought it was, and then something which happened this morning threw me off.

So i woke up, and when I was making the bed i noticed there was a dried blood stain, the size of a large coin, on my side of the bed. I was really surprised because I don't have any cuts or scabs on my body. Any cuts or scabs I get i put a plaster on it before sleeping, as I am anxious about it coming into contact with my husband while I sleep (illogical I know.... because U is U). Anyway, I have no idea where the blood came from, because there were no blood stains inside the t shirt i was wearing while sleeping. The only thing I could think of was my nose bled while I slept?

Besides the point, I was feeling anxious again today. I'm just so scared of passing this on to my husband, even though the treatment is really good, and he is not scared of it. He jokes around my pretending to touch the blood stain to annoy me, and that just made me even more anxious. Maybe I should just let go, and say: If he gets it, he gets it. I've fulfilled my duty towards protecting him, by being undetectable and trying in all cases to limit his exposure to any body fluids. I can't carry the burden of this responsibility, its killing me.

As far as I understand though, even if I bled onto the sheets at night and he rolled in it or touched his face, eyes, nose... he still wouldn't get it, because U = U.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: dealing with my anxiety, psychologist and triggers
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2019, 12:34:21 pm »
Even without U=U a bit of blood or a stain in the bed sheets is not a transmission concern to your husband. Neither are minor cuts, grazes or day to day boo boo's.

U=U simply means you can't pass it on sexually, all the other stuff you mentioned never was a risk regardless of your treatment or VL. Glad to hear that you know the fear is a problem and, that the sessions with the psychologist have been good & helpful.

Keep working on it and, putting this fear behind you. Maybe remind your husband that the jokes are not helpful!

Best. Jim
« Last Edit: April 21, 2019, 12:39:01 pm by Jim Allen »
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