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Author Topic: Am I mad  (Read 2842 times)

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Offline Mike concerned

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Am I mad
« on: April 14, 2019, 03:36:06 am »
Hello Jim etc
Iíll condense this very quickly , three n a half years ago I had a possible exposure , condom breakage , four weeks following very bad sore throat flu etc , chest infection.
Got tested combo, negative, forward eight months , hot flashes headaches!! Got tested again tridot private negative and also went to clinic and had blood drawn n sent off for hiv all other stiís etc again negative.
Realise I may have a problem with anxiety at this point !!.
Forward again eighteen months headaches still a problem clinic again blood drawn , negative again , I went for my last n fifth test at two n half years post incident again negative!! I know Iím mad .
Took a lot to post on here I guess my question is these results are reliable? Iíve started a few skin conditions of late ? Five tests over two n half years is enough?.
Thanks for your time .

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2019, 04:01:38 am »
Hiya

The results are conclusively negative over this incident 3.5 years ago. 

Ill presume that 3.5 years ago was not the last time you had sex, just for some reason its the incident that you are overly focused on, so remember the below and move on with your life.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider starting PrEP as an additional layer of HIV protection going forward

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as Ďsafeí in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

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As a member of the AM I Infected Forum you are required to only post in this one thread no matter how long between visits or the subject matter. You can find this thread by going to your profile and selecting show own post and it will take you here . It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Any additional threads will be deleted.
 
« Last Edit: April 14, 2019, 04:06:01 am by Jim Allen »
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2019, 04:56:56 am »
Thanks for your reply Jim , I know the results are conclusive ,and having so much anxiety around why I sometimes think there not is an illness in its self .
But you n yours who have HIV and take the time to answer is amazing, itís not the incident I dwell on, itís how sick I was shortly afterwards , that and the internet !!

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2019, 05:19:14 am »
Mike,

You're welcome.

I have a few things to add to your posts, firstly I am sorry that you have this anxiety.

1)
You have conclusively tested negative. The story realistically ends there.

2)
Your symptoms or illness had nothing to do with HIV. Its not even HIV specific.

Truth is people get sick all the time, people have sex all the time, that's part of life, HIV is relatively rare to start with, co-incidence i.e having sex and being sick at some stage in the future happens, its not connected!

We do not like co-incidences, so we try to connect things. When there are blanks in an event we fill the blanks in and make connections where there are in fact none whatsoever.  That is what you are doing here.

Pre-existing fear or guilt often plays a role in this kind of thinking.

3)
The internet is feeding your fears - Stop it. This is within your control, stop looking or searching for an issue you don't have.

Finally, I can't help you. I am sorry about that, but i am not going to pretend i can either.

This fear has effected you and continues to do so as 3.5 years later you still are thinking about it so clearly you have not been able to let it go. The merry-go round of testing has also not helped you move on.

Since testing has not helped so far and, logically you know its a conclusive result it would be totally pointless to continue. Instead if you can't let this go of this fear I would strongly suggest you consider talking to a therapist to help you cope with your thoughts and to help you move past this.

I wish you well.

Jim

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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2019, 05:25:16 am »
I get three posts , so this one is just to say thanks for listening!! Funny thing is anybody who knew me would never dream I had this level of worry😁 again you do amazing work.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2019, 05:27:48 am »
You're welcome Mike.

I wish you well.

Best, Jim
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #6 on: April 27, 2019, 05:56:48 am »
Hello again Jim etc
 Been a shit couple of weeks , so Iíve got a few questions if you donít mind .
I told in the beginning I had a really sore throat n fever which after two weeks moved to my chest , if I was in seroconversion surly one of my tests would of lit up ?
Three n a half years Iím still getting little bits this neck rash has been here for a month now goes flares up etc ? There has just been so many little things over the past 3 years which the doctors have found nothing for , is it in my mind 😂 I had sarcoidosis 20 years ago but if anything autoimmune disease give false positives ? But I got cleared of that 19 years ago.
Sorry to myther could you answer my earlier question and Iím at the docs in two weeks n counciing is on my , the nhs sex clinic told me the three tests theyíve done are conclusive n I need to see a counciller😀

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #7 on: April 27, 2019, 06:07:24 am »
Hello again Jim etc
 Been a shit couple of weeks , so Iíve got a few questions if you donít mind .
I told in the beginning I had a really sore throat n fever which after two weeks moved to my chest , if I was in seroconversion surly one of my tests would of lit up ?
Three n a half years Iím still getting little bits this neck rash has been here for a month now goes flares up etc ? There has just been so many little things over the past 3 years which the doctors have found nothing for , is it in my mind 😂 I had sarcoidosis 20 years ago but if anything autoimmune disease give false positives ? But I got cleared of that 19 years ago.
Sorry to myther could you answer my earlier question and Iím at the docs in two weeks n counciing is on my , the nhs sex clinic told me the three tests theyíve done are conclusive n I need to see a counciller😀

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #8 on: April 27, 2019, 06:12:28 am »
Mike.

I truly wish you well as this is obviously starting to effect your life, my guess would be uncontrolled it will spiral further. Also I am sorry to see this continues to be a fear as its not fun living with fear & doubts even if they are irrational

I am going to be my blunt normal self though as I feel its best to be to the point and to be clear.

Firstly you have come back with the same issues we have already answered. Having a sore throat, millions of things in life do cause this and billions of people have sore throats every year, they don't have HIV and, it would surprise if someone did not have a sore throat over the span of 4 years

Understand that regardless of symptoms or lack of symptoms the body will produce antibodies within 22-28 days post exposure and testing at 6 weeks post incident is accurate, 3+ months post incident is conclusive.  You need to stop focusing on symptoms as they are irreverent in relation to HIV testing.

Your symptoms or illness had & have nothing to do with HIV from 3.5 years ago. Its not even HIV specific.

Truth is people get sick all the time, people have sex all the time, that's part of life, HIV is relatively rare to start with, co-incidence i.e having sex and being sick at some stage in the future happens, its not connected!

Quote
I had sarcoidosis
Makes no difference to HIV testing today.

Quote
the nhs sex clinic told me the three tests theyíve done are conclusive n I need to see a counciller

Mike I agree with them. The merry-go-round of seeing the clinc and pointless testing over something you don't have has not resolved your fears, so if you can't let this go I agree with the NHS doctor and, would strongly suggest you consider talking to a therapist to help you cope with your thoughts and, to help you move past this.

Its simple you have conclusively tested negative over the incident 3.5 years ago. Your left nut could drop off, you could grow a spare toe and your right arm could shrink  ;D It would still however not be caused by HIV from 3.5 years ago!

The story realistically ends there and all that remains is irrational fear or continued risk exposures that you are not disclosing.

Best, Jim
« Last Edit: April 27, 2019, 06:15:43 am by Jim Allen »
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2019, 06:20:30 am »
No other exposures I came clean to the mrs 3 years ago she tested with me at the eight month mark, you really think Iíd do it again after how Iíve felt for three years 😂😂😂 I get you , you neglected to answer one question if it was seroconversion the tests would of nailed it ? 😆
I had to donate so joining for a week,meant I could give a little and ask you a couple of shut questions 😀. I thought I had the strongest of minds health anxiety appears to be my Achilles heel .

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2019, 06:52:23 am »
Hiya

I did not miss the question I just answered it differently as your logic like many who are fearful is distorted

ARS symptoms from seroconversion, is overrated and hyped-up. Its also irreverent as normally you will have no symptoms and still test positive. So the lack or presence of symptoms does not invalidate or effect HIV testing. 

Quote
Understand that regardless of symptoms or lack of symptoms the body will produce antibodies within 22-28 days post exposure and testing at 6 weeks post incident is accurate, 3+ months post incident is conclusive.  You need to stop focusing on symptoms as they are irreverent in relation to HIV testing.

Quote
Your symptoms or illness had & have nothing to do with HIV from 3.5 years ago. Its not even HIV specific.

Now as for this:

Quote
I came clean to the mrs 3 years ago she tested with me at the eight month mark

I am going to give you my stock standard answer as its simple but I don't want you to freak out.

Past test results from her simply mean she was negative some time ago, and unless you have her chained to a radiator 24/7 (Gosh i hope not) it means nothing today.
So if you have been or are engaging in unprotected intercourse with your partner this would as example meet all the biological conditions needed for acquiring HIV. Its the main transmission route globally.

Now I don't judge couples that decide to engage in unprotected intercourse, its often based on trust within a relationship, however just note this trust or faith does not prevent HIV and any unprotected intercourse is simply accepting a possible risk to you of acquiring HIV.

Test regularly, (As in at least yearly as past of a standard routine STI check) understand the risks.

Best, Jim
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Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2019, 06:55:53 am »
 
Quote
I thought I had the strongest of minds health anxiety appears to be my Achilles heel .

Look I am not saying you have a anxiety or a mental health problem, I just think you should talk to someone who can make that determination

Although having anxiety or mental health challenges does not make someone weak and the lack of them does not indicate strength ;)

Do seek help. Because I simply can't help you any further in this limited setting.   
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2019, 07:07:26 am »
Cheers Jim , so let me get this right I never got hiv 3.5 years ago and if Iíve got it now itís because of the shit radiator chains , shed love to here that 😂 she doesent know how many times Iíve been to the clinic or that Iíve posted on here.
Take care n thanks , Iím sure Iíll take something from it 😀 Iíve done the walking out the clinic happy n next to tears with the negative only to find myself scared 3 months later due to a minor ailment , lot of soul searching I guess , I neeeeeeed to trust the science , I know that .
I think sometimes people just want to get stuff if there chest because itís such a taboo subject with certain social groups , hence the repeated shit questions you have to answer, know this though it does make people feel better and give confidence to making positive decisions , top man .

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #13 on: April 27, 2019, 07:09:19 am »
Cheers Jim , so let me get this right I never got hiv 3.5 years ago and if Iíve got it now itís because of the shit radiator chains , shed love to here that 😂 she doesent know how many times Iíve been to the clinic or that Iíve posted on here.
Take care n thanks , Iím sure Iíll take something from it 😀 Iíve done the walking out the clinic happy n next to tears with the negative only to find myself scared 3 months later due to a minor ailment , lot of soul searching I guess , I neeeeeeed to trust the science , I know that .
I think sometimes people just want to get stuff if there chest because itís such a taboo subject with certain social groups , hence the repeated shit questions you have to answer, know this though it does make people feel better and give confidence to making positive decisions , top man .

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #14 on: April 27, 2019, 07:14:57 am »
You're welcome.

Quote
Cheers Jim , so let me get this right I never got hiv 3.5 years ago and if Iíve got it now itís because of the shit radiator chains , shed love to here that 😂 she doesent know how many times Iíve been to the clinic or that Iíve posted on here.

Yup, that's right.
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #15 on: April 27, 2019, 05:00:31 pm »
Jim
 Iíve read about other testing in the forums by other people , seriously this be a waste of money time and ultimately perpetuate my anxiety fear etc ? Is antibody testing-the one ?

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #16 on: April 27, 2019, 05:03:17 pm »
Also when I got i the councillng am I just relaying my fears concerns ?

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #17 on: April 27, 2019, 05:06:44 pm »
Iím basically asking how I can get the best out of my planned therapy so it works , private /nhs ?

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #18 on: April 27, 2019, 05:44:57 pm »
Hiya,

Quote
Iíve read about other testing in the forums by other people , seriously this be a waste of money time and ultimately perpetuate my anxiety fear etc ? Is antibody testing-the one ?

Mike you are looking for an issue you don't have and, you are ignoring the facts both presented by myself and the NHS Doctors. 

The results are conclusive - End of story! So there is no need to test with less accurate and, more expensive tests as the test results you have are "conclusive" hence the NHS will no longer entertain testing you.

Quote
Also when I got i the councillng am I just relaying my fears concerns ?

Quote
Iím basically asking how I can get the best out of my planned therapy so it works , private /nhs ?

Mike, there is so much I would like to say towards this but the short I would urge you to speak to a fully qualified psychiatrist, if the NHS can get you a therapist that would be a start and all you need to do to get the most put of it is to be honest when you meet them. They will talk to you face to face and based on their ongoing evaluations they will be able to understand the underlying conditions and the appropriate steps needed to help you. 

Don't start overthinking this!

Now as much as I like chatting to you, this is the end of the road for this conversation. Simply because its a HIV forum and, you don't have HIV that is the end of the service we offer. Besides that also understand that i think you need to seek professional help and, allowing you to continue to post here is hindering your progress not helping you. I can't assist you in this limited setting.

So out of kindness if you post again about this topic its going to lead to a time-out (ban) from the forum.

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.


 
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #19 on: April 27, 2019, 06:07:40 pm »
Sorry for pushing you into that but I wanted you to tell me to fuckoff in a nice way 😂 I will follow your advice though
Regards mike

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #20 on: April 30, 2019, 02:34:31 pm »
Right Jim I know this will result in a ban!! Which is fine but please answer before the ban .
Iíve told you all there is to tell regarding exposures etc I told you about anxiety, I made the mistake of reading the tested pox forum !!!! My neck rash is getting worse looks like hives can be itchy can not itch always there just a lot of it sometimes n less another day etc...itís through me into a spiral, I know your not a Doctor but do people get negatives up to 2.5 years n then just test pos !!! Answer n ban me , docs in the morn , feel ridiculous

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #21 on: April 30, 2019, 02:41:07 pm »
Asked and answered already Mike, a dozen times already between myself and the NHS doctors. Your left testicle could drop off, it does not change the fact you simply did not acquire HIV 2.5-3 years ago!

Out of kindness and, as warned you have been banned for 28 days. You need to stop looking for issues that simply don't exist and/or don't apply to you. Also you really should start focusing on your real risks (Unprotected intercourse) and I highly recommend speaking to a therapist.

I agree with the NHS doctors, they have given you sound correct advice and, you should listen to them!!!

Wish you well, Jim

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2019, 02:45:35 pm by Jim Allen »
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #22 on: June 17, 2019, 02:23:06 pm »
Hello Jim
 Month ban gave time to get help , doctor bypassed the usual looks like I'm getting some decent therapy. First phone interview next week !!
I won't lie Jim it's been an up n down time , I know and understand the tests but find myself doubting everything , the thing is Jim if I felt fine I would move on no problem , but this rash n 18 month of white tongue which when tested wasn't thrush but it looks awful n co stant scraping doe sent help , I am trying and am a far more positive person than I present myself here , but I just don't feel right nd I'm scared !! Hope the therapy will help !! But it's the things wrong with that drive my anxiety there not in my head , I'm not questioning your assessment by the way , I just that I'm the unlucky one , nearly 4 years now , if you know so thing I'm missing or should be doing please tell ?  I understand antibody response times etc but my sarcoidosis is playing heavenly with my head ?

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #23 on: June 17, 2019, 02:25:08 pm »
Hello Jim
 Month ban gave time to get help , doctor bypassed the usual looks like I'm getting some decent therapy. First phone interview next week !!
I won't lie Jim it's been an up n down time , I know and understand the tests but find myself doubting everything , the thing is Jim if I felt fine I would move on no problem , but this rash n 18 month of white tongue which when tested wasn't thrush but it looks awful n co stant scraping doe sent help , I am trying and am a far more positive person than I present myself here , but I just don't feel right nd I'm scared !! Hope the therapy will help !! But it's the things wrong with that drive my anxiety there not in my head , I'm not questioning your assessment by the way , I just that I'm the unlucky one , nearly 4 years now , if you know so thing I'm missing or should be doing please tell ?  I understand antibody response times etc but my sarcoidosis is playing heavenly with my head ?

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #24 on: June 17, 2019, 04:30:08 pm »
Mike

Luck has nothing to do with it, that's just an attempt or a doubt you have to move away from the facts.

I wish you well, I'm glad you are reaching out for support and, therapy but your doubts are not facts and, I not trying to hurt you but I'm not a therapist and, I can't assist you in this setting.

I've already explained that your left testicle could drop off it's not going to change the facts, no amount of sarcoidosis or white tongue is going to change it either.

You don't need an HIV risk assessment unless you have had ongoing risks that you have failed to disclose here & to the NHS staff .

« Last Edit: June 17, 2019, 04:36:58 pm by Jim Allen »
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #25 on: June 17, 2019, 05:47:40 pm »
The fact being in hiv negative .
Sorry to myther Jim but your the only person I say it too. Moment of weakness today .
Take care n cheers

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #26 on: June 18, 2019, 12:50:35 am »
When you say change the facts jim , what do you mean ?

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #27 on: June 18, 2019, 02:54:02 am »
You did not acquire HIV 3 years ago!

If you continue to post it's going to result in an 8 week ban.

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Asked and answered already Mike, a dozen times already between myself and the NHS doctors. Your left testicle could drop off, it does not change the fact you simply did not acquire HIV 2.5-3 years ago!
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #28 on: July 27, 2019, 10:07:51 am »
Hello Jim/ others
Started therapy and met a problem early on ! Which brought me here to ask a question , probably a ban , but a response would be nice as it will help in therapy !!
I understand 22 to 28 days btw , but my question which will undoubtedly annoy although not my intention.. here goes 4 years on Jim , I have a white tongue all the time , I had a rash on my neck , had gone but moved to my feet in my toes on my toes etc feel like my wrist is sprained , I havenít sprained it but the pain is very real, yes Iíve been to doctors etc get spots on my head but I think Iíve always got them tbh and left elbow like constant tendinitis, now the question , would these ailments concern you??? Even with my history of negative tests , canít go online as it will only take me one place , so I ask you ? And secondly Jim how often have you seen someone like me end up being right , understanding that all the facts given to you are true

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #29 on: July 27, 2019, 10:09:35 am »
Run out of space

Cheers

Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #30 on: July 27, 2019, 10:15:47 am »
Consider your reply , I definitely wonít be paying another tenner😂😂 therapist thought it was ok to ask .

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #31 on: July 27, 2019, 10:20:57 am »
Mike your left testicle and, right arm could fall off whilst going blind in one eye, it's not HIV from 4 years ago.  Tell your therapist the same, please!

8-week ban out of kindness.  Glad to hear that you are getting professional therapy. I wish you well and, recommend you continue to work with your therapist.

It's simple unless you have been engaging in more recent risk activities you don't have HIV! Hence the NHS is unwilling to pretend and test you anymore

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Mike you are looking for an issue you don't have and, you are ignoring the facts both presented by myself and the NHS Doctors. 

The results are conclusive - End of story! So there is no need to test with less accurate and, more expensive tests as the test results you have are "conclusive" hence the NHS will no longer entertain testing you
.

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I wish you well, I'm glad you are reaching out for support and, therapy but your doubts are not facts and, I not trying to hurt you but I'm not a therapist and, I can't assist you in this setting.

I've already explained that your left testicle could drop off it's not going to change the facts, no amount of sarcoidosis or white tongue is going to change it either.

You don't need an HIV risk assessment unless you have had ongoing risks that you have failed to disclose here & to the NHS staff

« Last Edit: July 27, 2019, 11:10:01 am by Jim Allen »
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Transmission and Risks:
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Offline Mike concerned

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #32 on: November 13, 2019, 06:23:31 am »
Hello Jim
Gutted to be on here as I know stock replies , cbt wasnít great , canít look in internet as it induces fear , not gonna give you the same speel, but I do have a concern and Iím gonna ask you , you no the symtoms Iíve mentioned , but of late and I mean quite a lot I have been getting floaters in my eyes , I mean right across my eyeline are these specific to anything hiv , feel embarrassed asking doc .
Cheers mike

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Am I mad
« Reply #33 on: November 13, 2019, 08:00:33 am »
Mike, I'm sorry to hear that you are still feeling unwell and that you are still experiencing anxiety/irrational fears with regards to HIV.   

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your left testicle and, right arm could fall off whilst going blind in one eye, it's not HIV from 4 years ago
.

I somehow doubt there are replies in stock anywhere that remotely resembles my answers on this forum, what is true is HIV is only transmitted in very limited ways so some answers might seem repetitive, and there are also only so many ways to explain to you that you don't have HIV.

I wish you all the best, but allowing you to continue here is not helping you find the support you need. I am giving you a permanent ban from the forum and recommend you consider talking to a professional mental healthcare provider to help you cope with your thoughts & fears.

Jim

« Last Edit: November 13, 2019, 08:18:33 am by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

 


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