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Author Topic: Oral with HIV girlfriend  (Read 4639 times)

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Offline cjdog100

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Oral with HIV girlfriend
« on: March 23, 2019, 10:55:26 am »
Me and this girl been dating for 5 months. She was diagnosed with HIV around mid January, we been having unprotected sex so I got myself test....came back negative...we decided to have sex on the 8 of March...we used  protection although being 20 (young and dumb) I licked her clitoris with my tongue, just the tip of it...less than a week later sore throat... BTW she is 19....Doc am I f***ed?

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2019, 12:42:43 pm »
When did you last engage in unprotected intercourse?
How long after your last unprotected intercourse did you test?

Quote
I licked her clitoris with my tongue, just the tip of it...less than a week later sore throat... BTW she is 19....Doc am I f***ed?

Not a HIV concern

Jim
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2019, 01:08:18 pm »
Last unprotected sex was early-mid January I believe...went to a specialist on February the 22 test came back negative

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2019, 01:36:40 pm »
Okay.

Look as for the cunnilingus, see the fluid a woman produces when sexually excited comes from the Bartholin's glands, this is a lubricating fluid and does not have any more hiv present than other bodily secretions such as saliva, sweat or tears.  Saliva, sweat and tears are not infectious fluids.

Simple Cunnilingus does not meet the biological requirements needed for HIV transmission

As for the unprotected Intercourse that's a risk. Your negative results so far are a good sign however test at 6+ weeks post last time you had unprotected intercourse for a result, this result will rarely ever change however test if you like at 3 months post last exposure for a conculsive result.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider starting PrEP as an additional layer of HIV protection going forward

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2019, 02:40:52 pm »
Doc that good to hear....was scared sh*tless... I told my specialist about the oral thing and I'm taking a test on the 1 of next month and have a appointment 6 months from now with the CDC...never thought of stuff like this when it comes to sex

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2019, 03:03:30 pm »
6 months is about 25 years out of date. The oral would only be a near negligle concern if your GF has a penis ... I presume that is not the case? So simply test 3 months post last unprotected intercourse for a conclusive result.

What I would also recommend however is that you consider and, talk to your health care provider about PrEP "Pre-exposure prophylaxis,". This is for people who do not have HIV but who are sexually active to add an additional layer of prevention against acquiring HIV. It means taking a pill every day that contains two medicines (tenofovir and emtricitabine) .

Now Long term once your GF has started Antiretroviral Therapy (ART) and has achieved an undetectable viral load* in her blood for at least 6 months, she would not be at risk for sexually transmitting HIV even during unprotected intercourse should that happen. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0

Best, Jim
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 03:59:47 pm by JimDublin »
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2019, 05:22:26 pm »
Hey Doc me again that test I took on the 1st was a Negative and my specialist move my disease appointment to the 16th of this month because he thtink it would be best to let theses guy answer my question and to get prep since I'm in a high risk bracket 🤷🏽‍♂️....one question me and my girl went back at it and I think when I was rubbing her a tiny bit of fluid went in my eye would you recommend taking meds for it? Protected vaginal sex tho and cunnilingus (but not worried about it)

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2019, 05:33:50 pm »
A bit of fluid sexually or day to day contact from a women in your eye is not an issue. Would be a different story yet still highly rare if she was bleeding to death as in arterial blood spray into your face.

Quote
to get prep since I'm in a high risk bracket 🤷🏽‍♂️....

Look I am glad the results are negative as it gives you peace of mind.

As for the PrEP i agree its a good step to take as you are at risk, its an additional layer of protection because you are sexually active with someone who was only recently diagnosed & condoms can break during intercourse from time to time.

Quote
What I would also recommend however is that you consider and, talk to your health care provider about PrEP "Pre-exposure prophylaxis,". This is for people who do not have HIV but who are sexually active to add an additional layer of prevention against acquiring HIV. It means taking a pill every day that contains two medicines (tenofovir and emtricitabine) .

Now Long term once your GF has started Antiretroviral Therapy (ART) and has achieved an undetectable viral load* in her blood for at least 6 months, she would not be at risk for sexually transmitting HIV even during unprotected intercourse should that happen. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0

Jim
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2019, 05:44:11 pm »
Cool so another thing they said because her count is  low (45k) the guy said she just got it or recenty...they said by the 25th of this month her count should be low or close to normal ranges....might if I can get your opinion on is? Should I just wait 6 months before removing condom or after this appointment count to see if she is in normal range

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2019, 05:57:05 pm »
You can't tell from the VL how long someone has been living with HIV. It's relatively normal to have a higher VL initially and, again during the later stages of untreated HIV infection. 45k is relatively low.

Anyhow keep using condoms until she is UD (Below 200 copies) for at least 6 months. The blood levels of viral suppression are closely mimicked in the other bodily fluids like genital fluids however it takes time.

A few months of PrEP and condoms is not the end of the world, and its no time at all when you could be spending the rest of your life with her if things go well  ;)

Jim

P.S

For example purposes only, HIV infection average time line. Now some poaple will differ or progress faster or slower untreated but its a good representation of the early and late spikes of VL during the stages of infection.

Mine was in the countless millions at some stage. 

« Last Edit: April 12, 2019, 06:11:41 pm by Jim Allen »
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2019, 06:39:34 pm »
K,last one about condoms will i know when it will rip?

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #11 on: April 12, 2019, 07:58:22 pm »
If it happens during intercourse it shreds

Jim
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Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2019, 08:07:23 pm »
How is your GF doing? I presume from the posts that you are still together?

Jim
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Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #13 on: April 12, 2019, 08:48:21 pm »
I split the topic.

The new (split) thread in "Someone I care about"  is for any questions, updates about your relationship, HIV in general or about caring for your friend etc etc

https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=72198.0
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #14 on: April 14, 2019, 06:01:18 pm »
Hey Doc my girl been wanting to cum in my mouth but nervous cause she doesn't want to harm me....as far as cunnilingus( practically not a risk did it one time when she was bleeding without realizing it months back still till this day negative)and less than this a bj... My thing is would the amount of HIV be a lot higher than her Bartholin's glands fluids if she was to have a orgasm?

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #15 on: April 14, 2019, 11:28:59 pm »
Hiya

If she orgasms or not, it makes no difference from a HIV point of view.
Look during this sex act your going to be dealing with fluids from the Bartholin's glands, and prehaps a bit from the Skene's gland & urine. Its not a HIV concern.

Look all in all, we are just volunteers Living with HIV and rely on the latest peer studies. We offer this volunteer risk assessment as a public service to help educate people regarding safer sex, testing and prevention of HIV transmission. Just as a reminder and to sum things up so far, keep using condoms for any intercourse at least until she has reached with treatment a UD status (Below 200 copies) for at least 6 months. ***

Also consider and, talk to your health care provider about PrEP "Pre-exposure prophylaxis,".  I know you have an appointment to discuss PrEP already set-up.

I do want to check a detail with you, how long after the last time you engaged in unprotected intercourse did you test??

Best, Jim

***
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0

« Last Edit: April 14, 2019, 11:33:34 pm by Jim Allen »
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #16 on: April 15, 2019, 01:08:28 am »
Ok was curious because I know others glands are involved with orgasms....last unprotected was January 21
« Last Edit: April 15, 2019, 01:12:33 am by cjdog100 »

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #17 on: April 15, 2019, 03:39:36 am »
You tested 22nd of Feb & April 1st right ?

Okay. cool
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #18 on: April 25, 2019, 07:43:58 pm »
Hey Doc in the heat of the moment after round one I poked her vaginal entrance  a couple to tease before I put my condom on. what would be the risk there was no blood at all just vaginal fluid and spit. Even it just the chance that a tiny bit of my head ( urethra) rubbed against her what would be my risk assessment?

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #19 on: April 26, 2019, 03:06:42 am »
Look if its rubbing against her its not a HIV issue, if you penetrated her its a risk.

BTW Did you look into or talk to your healthcare provider about starting PrEP at least until your GF have been undetectable for 6+ months. ?

Jim
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #20 on: April 26, 2019, 11:57:11 am »
Turns up ended  going to the wrong building because they didn't tell me the right location just the name   ::) so I moved it to the 25th of next month just wanted to know if you think I should get on pep..I don't think I penetrated and she said I didn't....and that was 11 hours ago

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #21 on: April 26, 2019, 12:58:24 pm »
Hiya

As much as I would like to give you an answer all I can say is no penetration, no risk. If there was than it's a risk.

If you think you had unprotected penetration than taking PEP or not ultimately is up to you. Do note that if you are considering PEP than it should be started as early as possible no later than 72 hours post incident

Jim
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #22 on: April 26, 2019, 07:42:47 pm »
Ok thank you for the feedback...my question really is would just the tip entering will I be a high risk even if it was just a sec and she is on art or be medium risk? Like it would be just her vaginal fluid getting on my tip?
« Last Edit: April 26, 2019, 07:44:52 pm by cjdog100 »

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #23 on: April 26, 2019, 08:11:59 pm »
I get it, you have doubts & fears but you are asking me the same question just slightly reworded.

Fluids on your penis outside the confines of the human body - No risk. Penetration however meets all the biological conditions required for acquiring HIV. I don't do low, med, high risk. Its either a risk or not.     

Quote
As much as I would like to give you an answer all I can say is no penetration, no risk. If there was than it's a risk.

Now as for this:#
Quote
just the tip entering

Often called "dipping" maybe to sound more innocent, i don't know. What i do know  is in terms of risk assessments for HIV its just unprotected intercourse

Quote
she is on art

Only for a few weeks/months.  Once your partner have been 6+ months UD its not a risk.



Jim
« Last Edit: April 26, 2019, 08:17:04 pm by Jim Allen »
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #24 on: April 27, 2019, 02:44:14 am »
Ok so I went to the ER to talk to a specialist she told me it's 1 in 10,000 when it comes to dipping but really don't think I penetrated. She said she doesn't recommend Pep but I could go to Plan Parenthood for pep since they don't really treat it...moving forward is Pep safe to take, does it put a toll or damages my lung or heart...i know end the I'm probably not at risk just nervous about taking a chance and playing the waiting game all over again. I was wondering if you would recommend or not recommend
« Last Edit: April 27, 2019, 02:47:05 am by cjdog100 »

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #25 on: April 27, 2019, 04:27:18 am »
PEP is relatively safe, now with all medication of course some people have reactions. Although I am not sure where the lung and heart concern comes from as its only for a month and the rest of us take it for life as treatment. If you do start PEP though ask the prescribing doctor about it. 

Look if you did dip as you put it than as you were the insertive partner it would be less risk than as example had you been the receiving partner.  Its still a risk and we do see the odd transmission case this way.

I will be honest to me it all sounds like nothing happened, no penetration and you are after the incident overthinking things and having "what if" thoughts creating a risk where none occurred. That is however an opinion not based on fact, I was not there in the room with you and its just a gut feeling from your posting.

Best, Jim   



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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #26 on: April 30, 2019, 08:50:33 am »
Didn't take prep so I'm playing the waiting game again ...you most likely right.... I'm been over thinking this a lot even asked doctors for a risk assignment for dipping....Wish me luck

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #27 on: April 30, 2019, 11:50:16 am »
Yeah.

Long term of course your GF will be on medication and, once her viral load has been 6+ months suppressed, sexually there will be no HIV risk to you.  Its just taking a little more care & playing it safer until then.

Personally I still do think PrEP would be great option to consider for the time-being.

Best, Jim 

 
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #28 on: May 24, 2019, 04:53:32 pm »
🤦🏾‍♂️ starting the think I'm as dumb as a bag of rocks....Jim we had sex today...used condoms but for the last 2mins unprotected vaginal...she was undetectable the last appointment on the 25th so I'm going to just assume weeks before that she was undetectable....so a total of 1.5-2 months I should take prep shouldn't I? She told me there's nothing to worry about but thinking about your last post popped into my head I'm scared sh*tless...what should I do?

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #29 on: May 24, 2019, 05:54:19 pm »
Hiya

Look as you were the insertive partner it would be less risk than being the receiving partner as example, as for being UD the Swiss & consensus statement is to be UD for 6 months with good reason as VL blood is measured but it can take longer for genital fluids, besides being new on treatment etc anyhow all it in all the risk was low but it was a risk.

Jim

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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #30 on: May 24, 2019, 10:15:27 pm »
Ok, thank you for the risk assignment...ask for Pep what do you think? Or should I just test regularly time?

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #31 on: May 25, 2019, 03:24:21 am »
Test whenever next due as standard routine.

PEP, well if you want to take PEP over this incident it is totally up to you.
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #32 on: May 25, 2019, 06:45:10 pm »
Ok cool, so it's a low risk and I should still test regularly. I'll take that as the odds in my favor( probably not going to take it if I don't need to)... talking to you guys vs a specialist is way better. Get straight to the point and more importantly the WHY I think we're going to cool it on sex for a bit...... I'll keep you updated....and again thank you

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #33 on: May 26, 2019, 01:15:08 am »
You're welcome.
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #34 on: May 27, 2019, 09:23:11 am »
One more thing I would like to add would her bleeding a play a part of my chances or in my case it's just the genitals fluids?

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #35 on: May 27, 2019, 10:20:26 am »
Not in my assessment, no.
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #36 on: May 28, 2019, 05:28:55 pm »
🤔 ok so I can assume you count for everything in you risk assignment but I forgot one because I wasn't to sure..plus she is mad that I think I'm at risk ( saying I don't trust her) so I told her about your post

2 mins
I believed finished inside
Blood but (UD)
Vaginal fluids <--- is this where my risk at ?
I have a appointment on the 25th of March I'll probably ask for prep moving forward in case we decide to have another go

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #37 on: May 28, 2019, 06:10:54 pm »
Hiya

It's not an issue of trust, sorry to hear she can't see that right now.

Look as you were the insertive partner it would be less risky than being the receiving partner as example, as for being UD the Swiss & consensus statement is to be UD for 6 months with good reason as VL blood is measured but it can take longer for genital fluids, besides being new on treatment etc, anyhow all it in all the risk was a very low but it was a risk.

If I was to give you any other risk assessment it would be wrong.

As for PrEP its up to you. Ultimately is just adding an additional layer of protection over the next few months, in addition to peace of mind.

Jim
« Last Edit: May 28, 2019, 06:14:01 pm by Jim Allen »
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #38 on: May 29, 2019, 04:42:46 am »
Crap meant to say my appointment is on August the 25 but yeah I'ma take your eariler advice on prep and definitely keep condom on...I recommend this site to her just in case she needed it to talk to someone being newly diagnosed and all.... I'll keep you updated

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #39 on: May 29, 2019, 09:11:41 am »
Hiya

Your partner is more than welcome to join the forum and, seek support from the members.

Look my experience is that being newly diagnosed can be a lot to digest. For some it can mean coming to terms with certain feelings & thoughts or its a time that can bring doubts to the surface. This is all next to having to deal with doctors, appointments, taking medication, insurance, financial concerns etc etc etc, it can be a lot for newly diagnosed people to cope with.

You as the negative partner have your own concerns & doubts, I get it and, you are perfectly entitled to them. Although probably the last thing your partner needs at the moment is the added stress of a nervous BF, so do try to keep that in mind. 

Jim

 
« Last Edit: May 29, 2019, 09:23:50 am by Jim Allen »
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #40 on: May 29, 2019, 05:48:30 pm »
You're right I see where you are coming from Jim.  I definitely wouldn't want to make things harder on her

Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #41 on: June 23, 2019, 07:22:23 pm »
Back again,  question so my headache and pain Im feeling I had during my negative tests but my concern is the weird feeling in my hands...and sometimes spasms every so often no lump or anything swollen just the weird feeling in my hands it doesn't hurt or nothing and I understand my risk was a low risk but this whole thing killing my mood and i dont want to talk to her about it for obvious reasons. Also that post I made about the "dipping" she was undetectable on that day ( appointment day)

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #42 on: June 23, 2019, 07:39:30 pm »
Hiya

You need to stop letting your fears get the better of your thinking. I've answered already the unprotected intercourse question (see below quote) now, as for feeling sick nothing you mentioned is HIV specific. Instead of stressing simply see your GP and treat whatever is making you sick

:) :)
Look as you were the insertive partner it would be less risky than being the receiving partner as example, as for being UD the Swiss & consensus statement is to be UD for 6 months with good reason as VL blood is measured but it can take longer for genital fluids, besides being new on treatment etc, anyhow all it in all the risk was a very low but it was a risk.

If I was to give you any other risk assessment it would be wrong.

As for PrEP its up to you. Ultimately is just adding an additional layer of protection over the next few months, in addition to peace of mind.

Jim
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
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HIV Transmission and Risks
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HIV Testing
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HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
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PEP and PrEP

Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #43 on: June 23, 2019, 08:02:22 pm »
My fear coming from the unknown... headache, joint, spasm, and stomach now my hand so that's what got me on egde and 4out of 5 ive been already feeling  don't feel sleepy or feel like vomiting just keep thinking about the 6 months after the undetectable but at the same time I'm like some take 6 months to get undetectable so is that why that's the general rule? Definitely over thinking things right now

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #44 on: June 24, 2019, 04:25:25 am »
Blood levels closely correlate to genital fluids although it can take longer to reach UD in other fluids, it's one of the reasons that first a person living with HIV on treatment should reach UD and than remain UD for 6 months more before It's sexual untransmittable. (Of course they need to continue to take treatment to maintain that status  after that as well)

Quote
My fear coming from the unknown... headache, joint, spasm, and stomach now my hand so that's what got me on egde and 4out of 5 ive been already feeling  don't feel sleepy or feel like vomiting

Unknown is always part of life, normally I presume you cope with it like most people, don't actively think about it and move on.  It's just you have had a fright and, are overly concentrated (can't help you with that)

As for feeling ill simply see a GP and, treat it, stop stressing about it
« Last Edit: June 24, 2019, 04:28:09 am by Jim Allen »
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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #45 on: June 24, 2019, 11:08:26 pm »
Right... I'ma try to put that in the back of my head and move forward with life...you guys are very helpful with your risk assessments I'll take what I learned here these past couple of months and "try" to play it more reasonable for now on

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #46 on: June 25, 2019, 02:16:33 am »
Hi,

Look I do wish you all the best so don't get me wrong, but if its continued fears and, you are unable to shake them, than perhaps consider speaking to someone equipped to support you face to face like a therapist.

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Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #47 on: June 25, 2019, 12:09:40 pm »
I wouldn't say my fear is at that extent but yeah I might give that a go.  Anyhow thx Jim

Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #48 on: June 27, 2019, 05:29:55 pm »
Ok I really do need to see someone....so about my hand far away it's fine but when I bring it closer to my eyes it looks a little blue in the middle of my hand....i haven't been on any sites about symtoms and my hands possibly always been like that and I've notice other people's hands look like that too. Can't think properly at all right now 😂

Offline cjdog100

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Re: Oral with HIV girlfriend
« Reply #49 on: August 07, 2019, 03:37:01 am »
Jim I have "very" important questions to ask you.

* what is the likely hood you can by infected via needle like the HIV+ is doing your hair and they pricked themselves( blood )and than accidental pricked your head
* can HIV show up in 3 days and does having a auto immune already makes it show up faster because of your already weak immune system or would it take a lot long than the Avg. person?

I know these are very dumb to ask but this is really important

 


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