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Author Topic: Dating  (Read 762 times)

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Offline ldnguy

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Dating
« on: February 10, 2019, 02:43:56 pm »
Hey ,

So i am a couple years into my diagnosis , i was undetectable within 3 months of diagnosis and mentally i did not let the whole situation bother me at all .... now i am thinking about dating and getting into a relationship , this has started to play on my mind as i literally have no idea how i can ever do this without coming clean to somebody eventually , my only idea is to find another HIV+ person to date ( i am heterosexual just for your information ) , at least that way we would be on the same level mentally from the start.

Any advice where to start even looking for dates and dealing with his would be greatly appreciated.

I have told nobody about my diagnosis and do not ever intend to , the stigma is still there and even more so in the heterosexual world i believe .

I hope my post reads to you as i intended it too .

Thanks all :)

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Dating
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2019, 03:39:02 pm »
Hiya

Well dating is a topic that comes up often enough.
Recently as example: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71613.msg

Any advice where to start even looking for dates and dealing with his would be greatly appreciated.

Bars, pubs, the office, through friends, shops etc

So the normal day to day places where one would meet/be in contact with women normally works pretty well for me. 

Although I did have a time I would pretend to be buying stuff in mother-care for the kids so I could pick up the single mothers ... I'm not proud of it although not ashamed either.   

I have told nobody about my diagnosis and do not ever intend to , the stigma is still there and even more so in the heterosexual world i believe

Stigma always will be there for plenty of things. Personally on the HIV front i've always told about it early on so that way its not an issue down the line should a relationship become more serious, and i can literally count on one hand the "No thank you's" as a result, it's that rare.

I think most of the women I've dated simply appreciated the honesty and had no issues or questions, a few had questions before we moved on from there.  Depends on the delivery and timing of the information I suppose.

Quote
my only idea is to find another HIV+ person to date

Ill be honest I've only ever dated one HIV+ women that worked out for a while.
All the others I met in the dating sense were complete nutters with serious paranoia, trust issues or the worst yet god issues  :(

So its not something I am personally in a hurry to try again, however that's just my personal experience with HIV+ Women. I am not saying its all like that and you could give the poz personals a try. https://personals.poz.com

Take it easy and good luck

Jim
« Last Edit: February 10, 2019, 03:56:11 pm by JimDublin »
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Offline ldnguy

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Re: Dating
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2019, 03:28:08 am »
Hi Jim , thanks for the reply buddy .

I probably worded my post wrong, i have no problem with meeting girls or any confidence issues dating ,HOWEVER  my problem is getting serious with anyone and having that conversation , i do not think i ever want to do that or ever could do that ( hence my theory about dating other HIV+ women )

haha thanks for sharing your experience on HIV dating ! that is kinda worrying lol

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Dating
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2019, 11:40:25 pm »
haha thanks for sharing your experience on HIV dating ! that is kinda worrying lol

Well you can always give it a try and, see how you get on.
Nothing to loose so, good luck.

Jim
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Dating
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2019, 06:28:17 am »
Do keep us posted BTW if you manage to find the love of your life, happy ending is always good news

HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Gringogetdown

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Re: Dating
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2019, 10:15:52 pm »
This has been a struggle for me, too. That said, I think we need to be careful to not internalize negative HIV stigma. Since my diagnosis and subsequent spiral into depression and anxiety, Iíve spent a lot of energy trying to make my way back to a place that values myself and my love life, a place where I truly believe that I deserve  to date, have sex, and enjoy romance, the way I did before my diagnosis. I felt this way because I had internalized the stigma against HIV, and I think every time we tell ourselves that we canít find a partner, every time we see ourselves as less than, we give that stigma energy. I know itís cliche, but I honestly feel that half the battle is believing that we deserve the best.

In the spirit of love and support, I challenge you to not give one fuck what anyone thinks about your status. I know itís tough and that it takes time, but I donít believe that we as HIV positive folk live pitiful lives, and anyone that thinks we do can go on their merry way. I trust that it is possible for each of us to find partners, friends, and support systems full of people that recognize our medical condition as simply that. Theyíre out there.

It also might just be easier to date people who are themselves HIV positive. Iíve found that to be true, but have found wonderful partners in HIV negative folk too. I for one post my status immediately on my dating app profile. If someone ignores me, their loss. If they still want to meet me, theyíve passed the first test.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2019, 10:29:29 pm by Gringogetdown »

Offline SFlSurvive

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Re: Dating
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2019, 12:40:12 pm »
If it helps any I was going through the same thing as you in reference to disclosure. I thought I should just be with another positive person so it would be easier for me and it wasn't. I finally realized that HIV does not define me and I am still a person just living with a virus. I have learned a lot about other diseases and I find myself more worried about what another person can give me than me giving them my managed virus. I started disclosing to people who I dated and I have not had a problem yet. Everyone is not fine about it however when you make it seem like a big problem it will be. Just let them know and if they are not fine with it move on. You will find the one meant for you and you won't have to be worrying about disclosure anymore! Best wishes to you!
God got me through!

 


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