Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 25, 2019, 01:11:50 am

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 746980
  • Total Topics: 62545
  • Online Today: 236
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 am)
Users Online
Users: 1
Guests: 220
Total: 221

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Moving Beyond Dx to Living With HIV  (Read 885 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline TexasDragon

  • Member
  • Posts: 95
Moving Beyond Dx to Living With HIV
« on: February 02, 2019, 06:59:03 pm »
So my stats are in my profile signature line. It’s only been months. Other than a cough I never got sick - and thanks to Biktarvy I hope I never do get sick.

I suppose I am moving on from the Dx to living with HIV.

Odd in that somedays I never think about it - even when I take my pill in the morning. And somedays I think about it several times that day.

Like today I was in the grocery store - a large one here in Texas - and it was full of people. It struck me that I was probably the only one in the store living with HIV.

Odd how it just creeps into my thoughts...
Exposure 10-04-2018
Dx 11-08-2018
1st Appt 11-15-2018
11-15-2018 Blood Draw - CD4 468 11% VL 316,000
2nd Appt 12-04-2018 - Hep A and B Vaccines
Start of Biktarvy 12-14-2018
3rd Appt 01-15-2019 - All Good - 2nd Hep B Vaccine
01-16-2019 Blood Draw - CD4 934 28% VL 98
4th Appt 04-16-2019 - All Good - Final Hep B Vaccine
04-16-2019 Blood Draw - CD4 873 30% VL <20

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,210
Re: Moving Beyond Dx to Living With HIV
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2019, 12:07:24 am »
TxD,

 Impressive results for just a month on treatment.

it doesn't hurt to occasionally think about having HIV, but the reality is that as your VL declines a bit further, life will become indistinguishable from anyone else with a condition they need to medicate.

After 6 months with an undetectable viral load you'll no longer be infectious to sexual partners.  That's a really powerful status to "own".

Offline Loa111

  • Member
  • Posts: 165
Re: Moving Beyond Dx to Living With HIV
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2019, 05:10:33 am »

Like today I was in the grocery store - a large one here in Texas - and it was full of people. It struck me that I was probably the only one in the store living with HIV.

Odd how it just creeps into my thoughts...

Yes lol I experience similar thoughts!
Sometimes though it gets me in an unfavourable way re the potential for stigma... i.e. maybe I'm in the swimming pool or the gym etc, and I think if anyone in here knew I'm Poz or worse have an advanced case, they'd all jump out of the pool and run a mile. Sometimes that hurts a bit, and I try to avoid feeling that way. That's me putting the stigma on myself!

But for the most part, those thoughts only flash up for a few seconds, and I push them out of my head.

Another thing, faces a few times I've seen at the clinic, now I'm assuming they're poz people, but maybe they are not cause everyone in an ID clinic (at my hospital)  is not there for just hiv of course. (tell tale is if they go out with a bag of meds after seeing doc). Anyway, I've seen these same faces around the city, and I think, "ah there's another one of us getting on with life". That feels good, like strength in numbers.

The good news is, yes me too, for the most part, life is going on as normal now, fitness is coming back, I feel good,  pop the pills & get one with it.  Clinic visits are cutting down for 2019 as my advanced case has become stable. Kind of funny, and I think "this isn't the worse health condition to have these days, could be a a lot worse if something else"  :)

« Last Edit: February 04, 2019, 05:29:16 am by Loa111 »

Offline TexasDragon

  • Member
  • Posts: 95
Re: Moving Beyond Dx to Living With HIV
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2019, 08:19:43 am »
Thank you both - know I appreciate your thoughts.

One thing that struck me is feeling like I don’t deserve to feel ‘normal.’ I suppose that is some sort of toxic shame I have. I mean I got this, so why should I feel ‘normal’ about it? Especially when so many other have suffered and died - and I have the audacity to feel ‘normal?’

Lesson Learned - living a ‘normal’ life with HIV is as much physiological as it is physical.

I live and learn...
Exposure 10-04-2018
Dx 11-08-2018
1st Appt 11-15-2018
11-15-2018 Blood Draw - CD4 468 11% VL 316,000
2nd Appt 12-04-2018 - Hep A and B Vaccines
Start of Biktarvy 12-14-2018
3rd Appt 01-15-2019 - All Good - 2nd Hep B Vaccine
01-16-2019 Blood Draw - CD4 934 28% VL 98
4th Appt 04-16-2019 - All Good - Final Hep B Vaccine
04-16-2019 Blood Draw - CD4 873 30% VL <20

Offline SoSadTooBad

  • Member
  • Posts: 261
Re: Moving Beyond Dx to Living With HIV
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2019, 11:30:16 pm »
I remember back in 2006 when I was diagnosed, I thought I would never feel normal or good again.  Now, looking back, it feels like a very distant memory.  Today, I hardly think about it - I take my pill every day and see the doctor twice a year.   At my age - 50 - most people have some kind of health issue, I feel healthier than most people at this point.   I wish you the best in adjusting to your diagnosis...  you are going to do very well. 

Offline Loa111

  • Member
  • Posts: 165
Re: Moving Beyond Dx to Living With HIV
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2019, 02:41:08 pm »
One thing that struck me is feeling like I don’t deserve to feel ‘normal.’ I suppose that is some sort of toxic shame I have. I mean I got this, so why should I feel ‘normal’ about it?

Yes, I feel a bit like this too sometimes, a "toxic shame" as you call it. For me it's more like I got this condition because I was irresponsible here n there, or deserve to have it. Just the catholic guilt hitting me, lol I was brought up in a real catholic guilt environment as a child. The mind plays tricks sometimes, and I know that. Just shake off the toxic thoughts and get on with it. I'm assuming this is all still part of coming to terms with our Dx's, and will fade as time progresses.


Offline lightalltheway

  • Member
  • Posts: 102
Re: Moving Beyond Dx to Living With HIV
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2019, 03:32:24 pm »
So my stats are in my profile signature line. It’s only been months. Other than a cough I never got sick - and thanks to Biktarvy I hope I never do get sick.

I suppose I am moving on from the Dx to living with HIV.

Odd in that somedays I never think about it - even when I take my pill in the morning. And somedays I think about it several times that day.

Like today I was in the grocery store - a large one here in Texas - and it was full of people. It struck me that I was probably the only one in the store living with HIV.

Odd how it just creeps into my thoughts...

Rest assured you were not the only one who is positive among other shoppers, but without a shadow of a doubt, you have had the privilege to know your status, to take the lead of your health and to drift to a better place where you understand your body and soul whereas many still live in denial and/or refusal. While the latter is as important as the first, please do always remember that you are not alone in this.

Prince X

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2019 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.