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Author Topic: It's been 383 days, 20 hours, and 30 minutes...  (Read 473 times)

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Offline mrhernandez

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It's been 383 days, 20 hours, and 30 minutes...
« on: December 17, 2018, 10:05:00 pm »
I tested positive on 11/28/2017. My confirmatory test was on 12/10/2017. The first person I told was my dad. I pulled over into a parking lot and told him I needed to talk to him and it was important. He called me and I broke down. He said, "goddammit, well, what do we need to do". My dad has been my hero since then.

I remember being sick in July 2017. It was the worst "summer cold" I've had in years. All I did was lay in bed for days. I had this weird upper body rash but never thought twice about it. I was throwing up. My temperature was off the charts. But during this time I was getting the house ready for the market. The house went up for sale. We got more than asking price.

Fast forward...

It was just after Thanksgiving and I went to the clinic. The same clinic I've gone to for years. I was being treated by the nurse and she asked me if I wanted to take an HIV test. I agreed. I just wanted to get out of there. While I'm sitting there I was so excited about a new job offer I had accepted a day before. Then, came the news.

One year later and I'm still trying to process the results. I'm undetectable and my CD4 is 1,200. Up from 500. I obsess about these numbers. I read everything about every trial and new med.

I'm on Biktarvy. I take it religiously. I have 2 reminders set on my phone. I switched from Genvoya. Genvoya and I did not get along.

I've told a lot of my friends...had a lot of weird conversations...but I've never acknowledged to myself that I'm positive. I've had those disclosure conversations also. I thought they went well...until they stopped talking to me.

I'm here tonight...telling the world that I'm HIV positive. I'm scared. You can probably tell by my randomness that I'm here looking for some guidance. Any help, suggestions, links, life stories...all appreciated.

Thank you.


Offline MadDog125

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Re: It's been 383 days, 20 hours, and 30 minutes...
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2018, 11:58:22 pm »
I'm 11 days out from my year mark.  Back story I hate Christmas.  For twenty five years running Christmas and or new years has always included the worst news I get. 

I was diagnosed 28DEC17.  In heind sight I should have been tested far earlier.  Your numbers were infinitely better than mine.  Confirmation came three days latter happy new year!  Even then I knew it wasn't a death sentence.  However i was on late 90s intel.  I was bracing for a dramatic reduction in both span and quality of life.  I figured i was in for rough drug cocktails, wierd fat deposits, and bones that snapped at the lightest stess.  I figured the last 17 years were wasted chasing an industry i couldn't remain in.  Worse now what?  I only had marketable skill and education in one area when I need my employment most of all.  I had zero trust in what I saw as a fantasy.  For me when someone says it will be OK that was like saying the ground is going to disintegrate under your feet. 

Almost a year in reality I better than I expected but it isn't the best case scenario I have been told.  Your cd4 is well in the normal range.  I havnt broken 300 since diagnosis.   It took nine months to get undetectable with flawless adherence.   I panicked when I was an hour late on my drugs. 
It sounds like your father is very supportive.  Be very glad for that, I havnt spoken to mine in twenty years  another Christmas "gift". 
What family i have left is supportive in their no sympathy kind of way.  Pretty much no whining is allowed.  I was living a reckless sex life and now i live with the consequences.   
For me there is no time to grieve.  There is a bill due, a contract to fulfill or a new poodle hoop to get through.
Your system is strong.  You obviously were caught early.  The cliche all the studies focus on.  20 something diagnosed with a cd4 over 350. Your on the newest combination drug.  For you the new year looks pretty promissing.  Your cd4 count doubled in under a year. 
Me i hope to live long enough for a cure.  I hope to have my flight status reinstated.  I have hope like a candle in a hurricane for love in my life.  I'm lucky my aunt brow beat me to get tested.  By the numbers this time last year i should have been hospitalized.  My uncle spoke to me a few months after i was diagnosed he was shocked how wings level i was.  He knows well the personal and professional hell I've been through the last ten years.  Why not medical too?

Sorry to rant I don't even know your first name,   I'm mike.  This time of year always hits me hard.  Over the years I have gotten tough like battered steel.  Oppression could not break me, disgrace did not defeat me, this disease failed to kill me.  353 days, 8 hours in I'm still here.  Being diagnoses was definitely a critical hit, but I will live at least for the foreseeable future. 
That in the end is the most important thing I don't know what the next year will bring.  The good news is I'm very likely to be around to find out and so will you.

B. Mike Waterfield

Online JimDublin

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Re: It's been 383 days, 20 hours, and 30 minutes...
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2018, 12:20:10 am »
Welcome to the forum mrhernandez.

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis, glad to hear you are on treatment and doing well with the treatment.   

Quote
One year later and I'm still trying to process the results. I'm undetectable and my CD4 is 1,200. Up from 500. I obsess about these numbers. I read everything about every trial and new med.

Quote
I'm here tonight...telling the world that I'm HIV positive. I'm scared. You can probably tell by my randomness that I'm here looking for some guidance. Any help, suggestions, links, life stories...all appreciated.

Scared and obsessing with the numbers.

End of the day your CD4's are normal range, they are not a measurement of overall health and the goal of HIV therapy is simply to suppress the virus not to manage CD4 cells. In well treated & suppressed HIV once your outside of any danger levels CD4 measurements are rather irrelevant!

Have you been to any support programs? Like counselling or met any peer to peer support networks?

Scared of what BTW?

See being newly diagnosed is can be a bit of a mind fuck to blunt, it sounds like you are perhaps still digesting the news and I get it. I also get the reading everything but you have to let that go.

End of the day Life with HIV goes on as normal, unless you choose to give HIV control.

Expect to have to work, pay bills, pay the mortgage, fall in love, get married if you are into that or don't, have a career and buy designer shoes if it pays well, have kids if that's the plan, eat well and be fat if that makes you happy or go to the gym 3 days a week and be buff etc etc etc

Simply put life with HIV in the scheme of things changes nothing, pop a pill a day and visit a doctor from time to time for blood work yes, but besides that life goes on as normal. You have access to treatment in 2018 and you should expect to live a long and productive, boring life as you normally would expect. ;)

Anyhow do take it easy, keep us posted and remember we are here if you need to talk or vent or question something.

You are not alone!.

Jim
« Last Edit: December 18, 2018, 12:24:19 am by JimDublin »
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Offline Jackmydin

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  • Posts: 60
Re: It's been 383 days, 20 hours, and 30 minutes...
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2018, 02:14:34 am »
Hi mrhernandez,

I'm scared as you are too. My cd4 is way low than it was when I was diagnosed 7 years ago. But back then I'm naive and foolish. I choose the wrong path and fall for false hope. Now looking back I see myself as self denial and dumb for not starting treatment ASAP when doctor advised. So I should say you are brave enough to face your condition and understand the risk, because staying undetectable means you are responsible for yourself, and people around you.

I would suggest you look beyond your status and focus on other aspects of life. Your bills, your relationship or maybe your new job. You are in good health condition now as long as you stay adherence with your meds. There's nothing to be scared too.

About telling your friends that you are positive, I don't think it's really necessary for them to know. You have every absolute right to hide this from them and choose to be normal like everyone else. Don't let the virus take out all the fun of your life. Remember now you are in control already.

Take care.

J.M


Offline Tonny2

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Re: It's been 383 days, 20 hours, and 30 minutes...
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2018, 01:45:08 pm »


     ojo.    Hola Hdz.

I've been living with HIV/AIDS 24 years 25 days and counting...you will be ok. If you want to read stories of survival you can read "HOPE DIES LAST" by me, and there are others too...please keep us posted, ah!, I agree you don't have to tell anyone about your status, just the person/s you are having sex with, best wishes and life goes on, especially now a days, all that it takes to live a normal life with HIV, is one pill a day, back in the days, I used to take more than twenty pills a day, some with food others without it, it was a mess...lucky newbies...abrazos.               ojo

 


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