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Author Topic: How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?  (Read 563 times)

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Offline Albert1285

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How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?
« on: December 05, 2018, 11:52:42 am »
I (27) met a guy (35) and we already had some dates. He's an amazing guy and definitely my type of guy, he also says that I'm "sooo" his type. I think we both like andn possibly falling for each other, but I'm very scared and gives me anxiety the fact of disclosing this. We haven't had sex yet, but based on my analysis I've been undetectable (untrasmittable) for 6 months and very healthy and fit.

Some people who I have asked them that are very involved in HIV prevention, outreach and groups talks told me that "Maaaaybe" since he's 35, he probably knows about it since he has dated/hooked up and stuff,so kinda this gives me hope.

Are people nowadays 2018/2019 more educated than before? How bad has rejection been during these last years?

I'm very scared of being rejected or that he might lose interest if I tell him. I'm really falling so hard for him. Should I tests the waters first by asking him what are his thoughts on HIV?  I was told that whenever I do this things, NEVER act dramatic. I need advice!
« Last Edit: December 05, 2018, 11:57:24 am by Albert1285 »

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2018, 01:23:33 pm »
Welcome to the forum, glad to hear you have met someone you like.

Is this the first time you are going to tell someone you are seeing your HIV status?

Start at the beginning and work towards the taking meds and being undetectable part and what that means. Most people will have no idea.

Plenty of threads on the topic that might help you.



Dating and disclosure.

Plenty of threads on this to draw from, example:

Personally I just tell people up front, than its not an issue down the line and if they say "No thank you" its fine. Living with someone who has a manageable condition is not everyone's cup of tea and I would rather filter such people out early on.

That said I don't just blurt out " I have HIV" and expect hugs, no I calmly explain I'm living with a manageable condition that does not impact my life, but I do need to take a pill a day

I then go from there amd answer questions


Are people nowadays 2018/2019 more educated than before? How bad has rejection been during these last years?

Not really ... Not sure why it would either? Sure some people interested in the topic (might) be correctly  educated.

As for rejection its always a risk when trying to date someone and people get turned down for many reasons, as for HIV well some people don't or can't handle a partner with manable conditions. Best find out sooner or later is my motto.

Should I tests the waters first by asking him what are his thoughts on HIV?

You could try the old, "did you see the news about HIV this week?" Routine. That said a good or bad reaction is not watertight proof of anything

« Last Edit: December 05, 2018, 05:12:04 pm by JimDublin »
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Offline harleymc

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Re: How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2018, 09:43:13 pm »
I've had plenty of knockbacks but also several acceptances of my HIV positive status.

We can't be responsible nor even anticipate exactly how people will react, but ultimately if we want a relationship we need to be open and honest.

it can be really tough, it can be really rewarding.

Offline Mightysure

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Re: How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2018, 02:05:29 pm »
Its tough. There definitely is more acceptance as the data on transmission and UD gets out, but there is still some stifling fear.

I know a guy who likes having raw sex, is on PrEP and still will not knowingly have sex with someone who is poz because he was in his 20s in the 80s and had a roommate who he saw decline with AIDS, so much so that he didn't lose his virginity until he was 30.

Without knowing more, I'd say there's a good chance he'll understand.

Try asking hypothetically or tell him a story about someone who told a date and the date accepted or rejected and ask what he'd do.


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