Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 14, 2018, 02:07:42 am

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 33696
  • Latest: RIGuy80
Stats
  • Total Posts: 737704
  • Total Topics: 61108
  • Online Today: 246
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 am)
Users Online
Users: 1
Guests: 210
Total: 211

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Empty inside  (Read 197 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Empty inside
« on: November 04, 2018, 02:58:49 pm »
How do you cope when everything around you is Ďperfectí to look at but youíre empty inside, mostly from this big secret having eaten away at your soul?
No, Iím not depressed
Anxious and paranoid yes, mostly in relation to my Ďsecretí (which for the most part has to be kept, this is not a disclosure discussion)
But I feel empty. I feel like Iíve been on the wrong path for years, since diagnosis I guess.
Any advice? Links? Iím wanting to sort this, life is too short!
I also donít want Ďcomparisonsí - yes, life could be a lot worse, I get that.
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline fabio

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Re: Empty inside
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2018, 05:51:54 pm »
Coping depends on the day. There are days when  I'm down,but most of the time it's just normal.
The key about it all is to not think about your hiv status dramatically. It's better to see things in a pragmatic level,try not to give too much emphasis on the fact that you specifically have hiv. Many people deal with this and they are still alive and well (us,basically lol).You're gonna play with the cards you have.
Try to move on with your life as normal. I know that taking the pills every day reminds us of the condition,but as time passed I noticed things get more routine-ish. That's all the advice I can give. I hope for you the best 💚💚💚💚 and hang in there,you're not alone.


Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: Empty inside
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2018, 04:28:37 pm »
Thanks Fabio.
Youíre right itís not every day. And actually itís not much to do with the hiv - I blame it for robbing me of a life that I can still have anyway just donít have the guts to go get. Some days I do. Most I donít. I rarely think about being poz, but when things go dark itís the first thing I blame.
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline fabio

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Re: Empty inside
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2018, 06:21:46 pm »
I know,it's the thing that gets me too,when I am sad for whatever reason,I  blame myself for not being careful.with my life and stuff. But truth is,everyone makes mistakes,that didn't stop anyone living their lives with dignity.
Try to make every second count,enjoy everything,especially little things in life,and if things go dark,open up the lights. Contact us, I always reply to people who feel sad and emotionally down,it gives me a purpose,since I'm not really good at anything,I try to give my share to people who need someone to talk to...:)
Anything that troubles You,don't hesitate ,send me a message or write something public I'll be here. ;)

Offline MarkintheDark

  • Member
  • Posts: 75
Re: Empty inside
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2018, 06:33:29 pm »
Hi Princess -- Sorry to hear you're struggling with this nagging burden.  Certainly it's not as though you're new to HIV either.

Would the help of a therapist be something you'd consider?  There are plenty of us, myself included, who've successfully gone that route.  It may not just be the HIV issue.  There may be other issues exacerbating it and a good therapist, preferably someone who has experience with us poz folks, can help you sort it out.

PM me if you like.  Hugs.
HIV dx - 02/93
AIDS dx - 07/01
Rilpivirine/Cabotegravir guinea pig since 01/17

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2018 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.