Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 16, 2019, 02:56:18 am

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 747386
  • Total Topics: 62614
  • Online Today: 315
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 am)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 269
Total: 271

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..  (Read 1530 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Jackmydin

  • Member
  • Posts: 63
Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« on: September 12, 2018, 06:49:52 am »
Lately I've met someone. Well we have been dating for 4 months now, and she wants thing to get more serious, like future planning etc. I'm all down with her and eager to have her in my life too. However I couldn't be truthful to her, as I have yet to disclose my status to her. It frightens me more thinking she would freak out and reject me. But I know it's complete normal especially the stigma is so real nowadays, people just even fear of the word Hiv itself.

I'm just curious how the rest of you choose to be honest with your partner. And what approach do you take. Especially telling people I'm not infectious since I'm already undetected vl..

Seeing her everyday but not being able to tell her who I really am puts me on guilt trip..
« Last Edit: September 12, 2018, 06:52:37 am by Jackmydin »

Offline Jim Allen

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 12,968
  • Twitter @JimAllenDublin
    • HIV Lessons
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2018, 07:29:46 am »
Dating and disclosure.

Plenty of threads on this to draw from, example:
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=69238.msg742187#msg742187

Personally I just tell people up front, than its not an issue down the line and if they say "No thank you" its fine. Living with someone who has a manageable condition is not everyone's cup of tea and I would rather filter such people out early on.

That said I don't just blurt out " I have HIV" and expect hugs, no I calmly explain I'm living with a manageable condition that does not impact my life, but I do need to take a pill a day

I then go from there amd answer questions

Jim



HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 308
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2018, 02:42:38 pm »
I reckon would take this better than men!!
To be honest tho Ive told a couple of guys (Im female) and they were not in the slightest concerned although they were not relationship material.
Just tell her, if shes got a problem with it then shes not the one!!
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,230
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2018, 12:04:53 am »
I think TabooPrincess is bang on the money.  Telling someone about your HIV can lead us to a situation we do the sorting.

At the moment you are imagining what wort of person your potential partner is without a big chunk of data. So at the moment you are running through lots of 'what if's' with no possibility of resolving them by thought experiment.


The only resolution to your questions is by disclosing.

Sometimes we get the answer we want, sometimes we don't.  Sometimes we get an answer several days later.

Good luck


Offline Jackmydin

  • Member
  • Posts: 63
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2018, 01:42:01 am »
Yea I knew the only way to solve this is by disclosing and filter whoever is comfortable with my status. Just couldn't resist to let it out here and listen what others got to say about my situation.

Thanks guys, honesty is important. And I'm just gonna face it no matter how well they respond to it.

Cheers.

*next month blood work so hopefully I'm still undetectable, and improving cd4 😂

Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 308
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2018, 03:35:24 pm »
Its a horribly hard thing to have to do!!!
I can honestly say Ive never disclosed to anyone sober either. I dont advocate that, it absolutely needs to be sober in your situation - I think youll be surprised by how well it goes!!
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline Jackmydin

  • Member
  • Posts: 63
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2018, 07:30:32 am »
Thanks taboo princess. Yea i do agree it's the hardest thing to do for me now. I just met her parents and I have yet to disclose my status to her. Oh boy what have I got myself into :(

I'm still prepping myself, so I can explain myself in the best possible way to her.

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,230
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2018, 07:16:55 pm »
Already met the in laws oh my you're not messing about.

Good luck with it all.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2019 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.