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Author Topic: The sun will shine again  (Read 1389 times)

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Offline Chel

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
  • Aloha!
The sun will shine again
« on: March 21, 2018, 09:11:08 pm »
Well, I'm not good at talking about myself but, I'll try to do my best and share a bit my experience of living with HIV.

First of all, I'd like to introduce a little bit of myself.
Well, I'm Michel, 28 years old, homosexual and I live in Brazil.
I was diagnosed for HIV positive in November, 28th of 2016 when I was making test for surgical risk. Honestly It was a surprise for me because I always had protected myself and I really don't know what's happened.  :'(
Anyway, I had to start imediately my treatment, my CD4 was 310 and my viral load test was very high. I started to take TDF+3TC+EFZ (Which was standard in Brazil in 2016)
Later I begun a battle with depression (and started to take Lexapro and Frontal)
Over the time, the antiretrovirals side effects was disappearing, but my emotional is not the same...  :o
Sometimes I think my dreams are distants... Specially because I depend on getting medication and to live abroad (which was my dream) maybe it's impossible nowadays.
Also, the worst battle is about relationship, I'm very honest and always when I say I'm HIV positive it seems that people disappear, unfortunatelly I'm starting another battle agains prejudice (it was too hard to  “come out of the closet”, and it seems "i am getting into the closet" again now because of HIV)  :(
Anyway my treatment has been a success, now i'm undetectable and my CD4 is starting raising... my last was on July of 2017 and I got 480. :D

Well, that's all, I hope everything is going to be good again and the life will be colurful and not grey anymore. :-[

I still believe in love and I hope someday the sun will shine again for me. ;)

Sorry for writing so much and some spelling or grammar mistakes.

Thank you for reading

Michel
Chel :)

Offline CaveyUK

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Re: The sun will shine again
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2018, 09:18:16 pm »
Hi Michel - are you still on the same drug combo you started on?

HIV - Basics
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Offline Chel

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  • Posts: 13
  • Aloha!
Re: The sun will shine again
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2018, 09:28:47 pm »
Yes, I am. Since I got undetectable and my CD4 is starting raising the doctor didn't change it. Also, in Brazil is not giving the new drugs for people who started treatment before 2017... well, I should wait until January (since I found out on November)... to get this new one.
Chel :)

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: The sun will shine again
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2018, 07:48:32 am »
Hi Michel

Sounds like you have had and are continuing to have somewhat a rough time digesting the diagnosis mentally and emotionally and dealing with stigma related to HIV. I hope things do continue to settle for you

Quote
Also, the worst battle is about relationship, I'm very honest and always when I say I'm HIV positive it seems that people disappear, unfortunatelly I'm starting another battle agains prejudice (it was too hard to  “come out of the closet”, and it seems "i am getting into the closet" again now because of HIV)

Dating well rejection is always a risk for many reasons. Personally I think  particularly when i was in my 20's I found it more challenging.

Now sure why ... Perhaps it was because i gave rejection far too much credit or allowance to impact me. Nowadays i'm not sure but I think either its that I get rejected less or I just tend to not let it be a concern and move on.
 
HIV status itself has not made much difference if I'm honest, my delivery of the disclosure got better and I'm conformable with my status and educating people, talking about it so prehaps that is the reason I worry less about rejection or what people think

All i do know is people will turn other people down for all kinds of things, Kids/Job/Money/Health and as everyone ages sooner or later most of them will have some kind of manageable condition, your happens to be HIV and its not a show stopper to dating but sure some people will say "No thank you" and that's okay.

Take it easy

Jim
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
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Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
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You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Chel

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
  • Aloha!
Re: The sun will shine again
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2018, 08:02:15 am »
Hello Jim

I'm grateful for your kind words! That means a lot for me!
You're right, maybe I'm trying to diggest the diagnoses impact and stigma yet.
But I'll try to do my best to solve because life is not over!

About relationship, you are right again... People usually find a reason to reject us (That's crazy) but Yes, I should just take easy as you said and start to take control over those kind of situations.

Again, Thank you very much Jim! I have no words to express how good is to read your comments.

Michel

Chel :)

Offline lightalltheway

  • Member
  • Posts: 103
Re: The sun will shine again
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2018, 04:01:45 pm »
Hi Micheal,

I am sorry to know that you are passing through difficult times. I feel you and I know how hard it is, especially when dreams seems to be distant.

Good news: You are on treatment and your health is improving. This is something I would like you to gently remind yourself of whenever you feel low and/or down.

I guess we are all in the same ship, we face stigma, which you will eventually come in peace with it. However, having said that, this does not mean to accept it at all. People stigmatize others for colour, race, sexual orientation and HIV status. Human nature is labeling others in order to feel secure about themselves. and this should not bother you at all, its their bad not yours, never.

Believe me, you will eventually find the "One" who will love and accept you the way you are without justification or even systematic classifications. By then, you will really know the meaning of best things in life worth the hard work.

Here, in this forum, we are there for each other. Please feel free to share with us anything you wish. You are not alone!

Light all the way,
Prince

Offline Chel

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
  • Aloha!
Re: The sun will shine again
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2018, 11:36:29 pm »
Awwww thank you much Light all the way. I'm so grateful for knowing amazing people like you all. Your words are sweet (while I was reading this I was listening to "those sweet words" by Norah Jones, and I felt very emotional. Thank you everyone, thank you Jim, Prince and CaveyUK for all support you're giving me. From the bottom of my heart I never thought I would find beautiful people like you all.  :'(
You all can count on me always... If someone need help please leave me a message, it will be a pleasure to help you all. Believe you've got a friend in me.

With love,

Michel (Chel or Shell)
Chel :)

 


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