Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
January 20, 2018, 04:07:38 PM

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Members: 32184
  • Latest: timoup
  • Total Posts: 725317
  • Total Topics: 59123
  • Online Today: 311
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 AM)
Users Online


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: When does life begin?  (Read 4609 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Oh501sguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 113
When does life begin?
« on: December 14, 2006, 06:10:55 AM »
I know that I'm not well known on this board, but I find it very comforting to log on and read the posts and on occassion say something.  It's comforting to know that I'm not alone. 

Then I log off the computer.  That's it, I back to being alone.  I'm really doing something wrong.  I'm 42, easy on the eyes.  Yes, poz and healthy.  I get up daily around 5:15am, log on to the computer, get ready for work.  I'm at the office a half hour early.  I work mon - friday till 5pm.  Hate lunch hour because there is nobody to go to lunch with.  I really don't care to be involved with a lot of my co-workers.  Most are great people, but I get tired of hearing about the kids and the church.  I go home.  watch TV and go to bed.  Im normally in bed by 9-9:30.  Weekends... woo hoo... I might go to the gym.  Watch TV.  If Im taking an online class, Ill do some studying. 

My point:  Im so routine and bored!  I have almost no friends. Columbus Ohio is not a very HIV friendly town.  I will confess:  I've been going to the bathhouse on weekends too...just for human interaction.  Thats even down right boring. 
I would love to just quit my job and travel the world. (Who wouldn't).
Just once I'd love to have someone call me just to say hi and chat.  My phone goes for days without a call and then its a telemarketer.  I would love to get an email that isn't spam. 
If anyone has seen the movie "Chicago" where the one guy does the song:  Mr. Celephane, thats me. invisible.  If I dissapeared
from the earth, nobody would notice.  I don't have any family anymore.  I think my creditors might notice.
If I didn't have my dog, I'd be lost.  I'm not really a psycho case.  I just need something to SPARK me! 
No...Im not depressed.  I have the lexapro for that!  Im just ... looking for something... but I cant seem to
find it.   

Thanks for listening to me whine.   I guess it's time for me to get in the shower and head to the office again.

Offline Razorbill

  • Member
  • Posts: 622
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2006, 06:23:34 AM »
They say that to have a party you need to be a party.  Columbus must have plenty of gay folks in it - you do need friends.  I hear you when you say the routine has got you down.  I think we all get blah about our endless routines.  You want a call, make a call.  You want some company, invite someone over for movie and popcorn.  PM me and we can chat in private.

Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2006, 06:42:51 AM »
Hello there,

I know how you feel, sort of...  even a job that was exciting and continues to challenge ME gets to be routine.  I spent some time under a blanket on the couch watching movie after movie (trust me I NEEDED this.)  But it did remind me that I am alone (alone with a POOR selection of recently produced garbage).  OK, my cats were really sweet to be there with me 2 : )  Oh I did see The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill- great little documentary, very moving...

I can speak for myself and always do.  I usually act out, take some risks, etc., but this can be a problem.

The truth is we are middle aged gay men in the midwest (Indianan here.)  The suburbs are castrating us!  Insert negative, cranky comments about homophobia here... but the world is changing...

Work is a compartment.  The bathhouse is a compartment.  routinized, yet without the glorious trappings of those suburban familial hells to drive us crazy... etc.

I, like you, need some color splashed across my canvas.  I just want it to be lead-free paint...

Take action my friend!  Storm the front!  Smash down the door, run naked and howl at the moon!!!


Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2006, 06:55:58 AM »

I can definitely relate. My life seems parallel to yours minus the gym and the job. I do have 2 good friends but they are homebodies like me. I do talk to my one friend on the phone everyday. I often feel very alone. I didn't know you were in Ohio, I'm about an hour a half away from you. I wish I could give you an answer on this one but unfortunately I haven't figured it out yet. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone, you have us and you are loved. Oh and btw, you're not psycho either...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2006, 07:06:41 AM »
Loneliness is a tough road. Have you tried getting out and volunteering in your city for a cause that interests you? There are plenty of needs to be met in the world, and meeting like-minded individuals out there doing so. You might just make a friend there.

"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one"

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)



Offline Wildpony

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2006, 07:43:52 AM »
Loneliness is killing. You are posting here because, as far as I can see, you are inclined to change the sutuation but you don`t have a clue what exactly you should do. Everything is in your own hands. A good idea with volunteering. Isn`t there any supportive groups for HIV+ or gays in your region? I`m a foreigner that`s why i`m asking. Isn`t there any chats, gay communities? Megapolises and big cities are more tolerant to different communities. In suburbs people do not want to disclose.  Almost everything depends on you in your life. Try to be more open, friendly and interested in the process of finding peers. Suburb life is difficult in my country as well but people  find the way out. I`m sure that you can find some interesting people even here 8)

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2006, 07:56:33 AM »
Another good thread to work with, thanks for it!  When I was positive, living in NYC and doing bodywork (unlicensed massage) all I could do was to keep up with the laundry.   ;D When I had a partner living with me, we grabbed dinner each night at the nearby diner/deli and then came back to watch the news on t.v. before starting the day all over again.  When he left for Little Rock, it was a blurr of clients only and their lives. In and out.  In and out.  In and out.  Everyone out except me.  I was left with the dog and the dog walks.  Yes, the cellphone rang constantly, but always with clients' calls.

Moving to P-town proved the price of a tiny town.  I kept my being hiv positive under wraps because of the vicious gossip the town is known for when given any opportunity.  I had my patient to see each night.  Seven nights a week, so no 'worry' about going out to a bar.  I had board or committee meetings during the week.  I began to know faces and faces began to know mine.   But only within the confines of board or committee work.  I had walks around and around and around the town with the dog.  The walk to P-town East.  The walk to P-town West.  The Winters of being locked into 226 sq. ft. hoping that pipes wouldn't freeze.  

What began to help is when I purchased my cottage and had the land to build a garden in, which people watched as I worked on it and, eventually, people became neighbors or visitors who would stop and talk to me about gardening, then about themselves, then about myself.  I learned that by making an improvement for everyone, I was connecting to the community in a way which the boards and committees didn't allow.  But I wasn't meeting a someone.

Moving in late May to Hyannis for work, first there was the total confusion of an unknown town, job interviews, work on this cottage.  I was finally able to network within the a.s.o. but found that the client base here, for the most part, shared no experiences or interests which I had.  Garden building here again brought me into communication with neighbors and that has made this home.  The forums have been, for me, the source of the greatest connection.  Like you, reading the posts and answering them is now a regular part of my day.  I work on the weekends and am gradually feeling 'at home' with the residents I work with and my co-workers if only because it's a low key, relaxed environment.  But I wouldn't seek to socialise with my fellow workers, nice as they are (and, usually, gay).  Again, the shared interests and experiences- backgrounds- seem to be lacking.  

I wrote a poem about a NYC bathhouse called monotony in which the same group of men followed each other along the halls, into the rooms, into the halls again and again and again.  The other frustration of a bathhouse?  For some reason, it was not 'allowed' for someone you met inside it to meet you outside it because no one could ever accept meeting someone in a bathhouse.  Yes, you could have human, male/male interaction, but it was by the clock and when the clock said ______, it was time to leave.

Perhaps it's 'against' the rules, but when someone discovered that he and I were essentially posting replies to each other, he dragged me into p.m.  From p.m. we moved to direct emails.  From direct emails we moved to phone calls.  Yes, the forums are doing what the personals, the dial direct option, couldn't do, even after I had tried to ignore distance and send messages to any guys living anywhere in this country whose interests, profiles, pictures caught my eye/attention/interest.  The guys within the personals didn't want to go with this, understandably, perhaps.  (I had previously tried replying locally wthin the personals, but that had already gone nowhere.)  So now I wake up (since he and I are 2 time zones apart) to emails from the previous night to answer and replies will come in during the day.  And I know that I will be in bed at 8 p.m. my time to talk to him for an hour or longer.  

I hope, in other words, that you and others who also find themselves alone will tell us that they are alone, will tell us about themselves, will allow us to contact them, via p.m., via email, via the phone, because they live nearby, because they don't live nearby but seem to share some interests, because the obvious doors we open aren't always the doors which people find or need to find.  Consider this a nudge to self-proclaimed 'lurkers' that if you trust us with your words, we will get to know you.  Consider this a nudge to everyone, that the more we get to know you, the deeper and the closer we can become to you.  And this would be a great approach to the New Year.  Best, Win

Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,517
  • 32 years positive, 60 years a pain in the butt
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2006, 09:08:16 AM »
Loneliness is something each of us faces at one time or another. There have been some good responses here showing how some handle this when it arises.

I can certainly understand. I live in a rural area, 200 miles from the nearest gay night club. I have tried the personals thing and, aside from being very uncomfortable with the whole idea, never have connected with anyone.

So, I do other things.

Like Win, I have made good neighbors, mostly in the same manner. I love to garden, they love what I have done, and it goes from there. Some even drop by for a chat, to drop off gluten-free baked goods or to ask gardening question - even during the dead of winter.

Some ask me over for parties or just to share a glass of wine.

Because of this, I don't feel isolated. But I have gone farther than that.

I joined a bowling league. I did this quite some time ago and have continued each year. OK, now that you've stopped chuckling, it really is a nice activity. The league I belong to has mostly those who enjoy bowling, but don't get too hung up on scores or who wins. We just have a good time.

Both the women and men enjoy flirting with me and I have a nice escape from the humdrum. Without it, I tend to hibernate in my home all weekend, usually busying myself with some project or another.

I also have cultivated a few very good friendships. There are a group of us gay guys who get together on Tuesdays just to watch movies or some silly reality show (not my favorite), have a glass of wine or a snack, cut up, talk and just unwind. That is always a lot of fun and it does break up the work week.

I also do the gym, although not nearly as religiously as I probably should. But, who cares. I kibitz with a few of the regulars as I go through my workout routine, ogle the cuties in the shower, then head home.
I have even made a few casual friends there. No, I won't see them outside the gym, but that's OK.

Someone earlier mentioned compartmentalizing ourselves. Yes, we do, With the complexities of day-to-day life, I don't know how we would exist if we didn't.

But there are ways to break out of the box, so to speak, or at least make the box work for us.

Its great to keep an eye out for "Mr. Right," or even to try to cultivate a few - or even one - close friendship. But I found if I spend all my energy in that pursuit, I often overlook the "Mr. Nice to Chat With,"  "Miss NiceNeighbor," "Mr. GymGuy who is looking for adult conversation about anything but 'the kids'," etc.

Sometimese, from these social contacts, friendships have blossomed and, believe it or not, the phone does ring or an email is received. Not all the time, but often enough to know I'm not forgotten and someone cares enough to make the effort.

Sometimes, I make the effort, making the call or sending the email. You get what you give, after all.

I guess the point is not to take loneliness lying down. Start making social contacts. Don't expect miracles overnight, but I am always surprised how things can evolve.


"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2006, 09:51:30 AM »
You get what you give, after all.

I guess the point is not to take loneliness lying down. Start making social contacts. Don't expect miracles overnight, but I am always surprised how things can evolve.

Well said, Mark.

Here's a little something I wrote last year that I thought might fit this thread:

October 1, 2005
You Can Create a Life ( contemplation )

By trimming what does not support your growth and best interests, and by adding what does into the mix, you can create a life – your own.

Monitor what you feed your body yes, but especially what you feed your mind.

Follow your dreams and turn away from despair. Refuse it. Reject it. Banish it from your thinking, heart and entire soul. Let love lead you instead.

Stop events of the past from robbing you of the joys and possibilities of this day. Pessimistic attitudes can become addictive, just as a smile can be contagious.

Choose your friends wisely with deep consideration, and pick your battles with even greater care. Decide when to stand and when to surrender. Both will serve you well.

Be the one and only genuine you, living the life that you have made.




Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2006, 12:59:11 PM »
I hope this doesn't sound bad but I felt a certain comfort knowing that there are other people who feel isolate as I do. I've been positive for 13 years and I had never met anyone who could understand the way I feel. I've always felt I'm the only positive person in this city and have never had anyone to talk to. After all these years, this is why I bought myself this laptop to search for others who also feel the same; finding people I can relate too, to know that there is nothing wrong w/ me. I've cried so many times, I can't cry anymore. I just feel empty.
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,489
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2006, 01:50:07 PM »
Chuck, good post.
You and I are living different lives, but with the same feelings. No pets here, yet. The suburbs, for a single gay man, are the closest thing to hell. Work is the most social part of my life. I hang with the popular people. Others want to lunch with us. I get backrubs and backscratches from the women. people tell me what goes on around the place. I actually have a great sense of humor there, and make people laugh?

But I can't transfer that life into my personal life.  I have some gay friends. they're all couples and i met them through Bowling!! Gay bowling. Someone wanted to get hooked up with me, so i got invited to a party. If I'd known what was up , I wouldn't have gone. But eventually, after weeding out some, I had some good friends from that. But couples live different lives than singles. I've found that the people i meet, I meet because they're interested in being more than friends. This is normally ok, except that I hate to be the one who has to do the rejecting, so i avoid the situation at most costs.

The holidays are here, I have a party Friday night, Saturday night, then Sunday. That's great! But what about the rest of the year? I'm not a great conversationalist, so many things just don't interest me enough to be able to make conversation on any topic.

I can be alone, I have been for a great deal of my life. But life is sooo much better when someone you love is in it. you can do anything and everything together. You don't have to call around to find anyone to go to the mall with you (I hate the mall, anyway-lol)

Drew, that line about needing a splash of color across your life is perfect!

Mark, You've got it! We all know that. No doubt everyone wants to be your friend! ;D  I'd kill for a tuesday night group of platonic friends that get together and do whatever! I also want to join YOUR bowling team and get groped by the mens!!

Chuck, I wish i could give you the answer to all of this, but i don't have it. Just know that you are NOT alone in this!
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2006, 03:49:25 PM »
Based solely on their posts in this thread, would anyone not want to have Chuck, Mark or Paul (or the others too numerous to mention but whom I don't know as well) alone or as a group as close friends of his/her?  Can you not just take all of them off your screen and put them across from you to continue this conversation?  And if this is true, it's really a matter of getting each of them, with this comfort level in play, to have a conversation with the someones out there where they live, whether neighbor, gym member, bowling member, co-worker; getting each of them past the initial awkwardness inherent in face-to-face interactions.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline sdcabincrew74

  • Member
  • Posts: 540
    • My Manhunt account
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2006, 09:06:00 PM »
Oh honey.  I am a flight attendant, make it to Columbus monthly.  PM me and the next time I am in town we can have dinner and a drink :-)
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2006, 09:57:26 PM »
Hey Oh501sguy…

I do agree with you when it comes to the fact of having the option to log on to the forums and read the wide variety of posts here on the board. It is quite comforting. Yes, you are indeed not alone. We are all in this together.

In this life, we all do tend to get caught up in a routine. When this realization comes to us, when then seek something that is different from the normal routine. In fact, in this life, it is all about experiences which equates to something that differs from our normal routine. At the office seeing the same people and hearing similar stories does tend to also become routine. A suggestion for you during your lunch hour would be to take a brisk walk in the near vicinity of your office to just spend time outside with nature and yourself.

Another good suggestion would be to set aside some time for yourself other than watching TV and look within you and ponder on what you find for a bit. As you look within you, you will want to TAP into your creative energies and see what has been lying dormant for all of this time. You may want to grab a pad and pen or open up MS Word and just start typing. As you are doing this, think on the things that you would like to do.

Let your imagination run wild on this. In fact, that is what it is there for.

After your session you will have gathered a list of things that you would like to do. One of the things that you have mentioned is that you like to go to the Bathhouse for human interaction. That is one of your reasons for going there. You may want to consider joining a social club of some sort in order to mingle with other people. In fact, just a weekend getaway to a different city would do you good. Seek these things and you will find them. They are there; it is just waiting for your discovery of them!

One point you did make was traveling around the world. That is a valid suggestion and perhaps you will be in the position to do so in the future.

There are many different ways in which you can reach out and touch someone. The internet is an option to do so and there are also other options that may be available to you in your city. When you get the chance pick up an events calendar and see what is happening in your town. There may be something of interest for you. In other words, just put yourself in the position to meet others to chat an socialize.

In closing, there is something that will initiate that SPARK in your life that you are seeking. As you have mentioned, you are looking for something, you can’t quite put your finger on it. I encourage you to not fret yourself and continue to look. Eventually, you will find it.

ASK and it shall be given, SEEK and you will find, KNOCK and the door will be opened to you…then it is up to you to walk through that door. So ask yourself, what is it that you really want to do?

Don’t Give Up, Don’t Give In…Cause it is ALL within you to WIN!!!
« Last Edit: December 14, 2006, 10:00:37 PM by Eldon »

Offline Tucsonwoody

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2006, 09:58:00 PM »
Like Marco said - I was also sorry to hear of your experience - but it also helps me understand that unfortunately there are many of us out there who lead a solitary life and are wondering why that is.  I have a few years (decades) on you and many others here and all my adult life I have been a loner and led a solitary life. 

For me part of the reason was the selfish desire not to have to worry about getting agreement from someone else when I wanted to do something or go somewhere etc.  Another reason I think was my low self esteem (even though I haven't broken any mirrors, I have always been surprised when someone has told me they think I am attractive and think I am funny and smart and all those good things) and I am really shy. So I have always had a lot of freedom but paid a high price for it.  Even when others, gay or straight tried to get closer to me I would push them away. 

It was ironic to hear you mention how your phone never rings - I got rid of my home phone and only use my cell phone now and most months I would use 30 minutes or less.  When one straight friend calls me every once in awhile to see if I am still alive, I let the call go to voice mail and he starts the message by saying...I know you won't return my call... and he is right, it takes me weeks or months to give him a call back.

I have seen some great suggestions from some of the other posts and I hope you'll find some that work for you.  You all may have all felt the earth shake a few days ago when I actually met someone for coffee the other night.  The first meeting like that in years for me and we are going to grab a burger tomorrow and he is part of some groups in town and is going to try dragging me to some of their events.  In a way I think becoming HIV+ has made a change in my outlook and while teaching this old horse some new tricks will be difficult...I may just have to give it a try before it is too late.

I also want to say that finding this website and virtually meeting so many great people has been a real boost for me, thanks to everyone for your sharing and caring - for me it really helps. (except I now spend even more time on the web....but too damn bad)

Good luck to all of us - hope everyone is able to find something that makes them happy...and soon too since we never know when that run away train will squash us like a bug.


And I wished for guidance, and I wished for peace
I could see the lightning; somewhere in the east
And I wished for affection, and I wished for calm
As I lay there - Nervous in the light of dawn

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #15 on: December 15, 2006, 02:52:19 AM »
Hey Chuck,

I was never good at bowling but I did become the Cheerleader of a gay team in L.A. Yes., I did live in the burbs but a guy just gotta have fun.  Maybe I should share my cheer...

I Sizzle, I Roar, Because... I am a whore.  I sparkle, I preen... Because I am a Queen... RAH, RAH, EAT ME RAW... YEA TEAM!
I ran for Homecoming Queen for a Superbowl bar party.  There were 5 contestants and I finished last.  The Queen got a sash and a paper crown... Bar Manager said if I hadn't run for Queen, I would have won the Bitch category hands down.  The Bitch got condoms and lube.

In my free time, I volunteer (a lot).  My phone probably rings twice each week.  It is always my friend Don (he is a straight guy).  My email is usually from the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, the CAEAR Coalition or any number of advocacy groups and that is my real life, trying to make a difference.  Have the best day

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #16 on: December 15, 2006, 07:47:09 AM »
Kevin, not an earthquake, but I have started to hear large areas of ice crack as those of us in our fifties start to break out of our patterns and get out there and meet people. :) Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline bmancanfly

  • Member
  • Posts: 775
  • Medicare For All !
Re: When does life begin?
« Reply #17 on: December 15, 2006, 11:08:42 AM »
Hey OH guy,
Sorry your feeling down.  It is important to remember, as the previous posts suggest,  that you really are not alone.

Is it possible that, your depression meds are not fully working and that you are still depressed?  I personally have dealt with depression most of my adult life so I intimately know how it feels and what it sounds like.  While I am NOT a medical professional and am in no position to diagnose you (esp. online)  the tone of your post, the lose of interest in activities, isolation, all these things sound like the big "D".  Being in OH in the dead of winter probably doesn't help. It took me many tries to find dpression meds that worked for me.  And sometimes even drugs that work for awhile stopping working and either the dosage needs to be changed or meds swithced.   Have you discussed this with your shrink?  Are you in counseling?  I think this is a good place to start. 

Once you've addressed the above try getting out of your house.  I know it's hard when you don't feel like it but force yourself by having planned activities.  As has been suggested you don't have to like bowling to join a bowling league, or a softball league, or a book club.  It's not about the bowling it's about getting out of the house and having something, on a regular basis,  to look forward to.  You never know who you're gonna meet there.  I happen to belong to a gym/bathhouse owned by the same people who own the one you go to.  While I don't partake in the bathhouse part there is a regular group of gay guys who use the gym who I consider friends.  It's great social interaction and a springboard to meeting people and developing a broader social network.  If your town has a large enough gay community to support a bathhouse it must have other gay organizations you can participate in.  Or how about starting one?  "Lonely gay guys for coffee Wednesdays group", use your imagination.

Volunteer work has also been suggested.  While it's great to help "other people" I think it would help "you" just as much.  Volunteering to help someone else takes you out of your own head, and the circular thinking so often associated with depression and loneliness.  It'll get you out of the house and out of your own head at the same time. 

You are incredibly powerful.  You've temporarily forgotten how to harness your power.  You'll get it back.

The hardest part of all  this is taking the first step - and thats all up to you. 

Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

 Bertrand Russell


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2017 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.