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Author Topic: I recently started dating someone who is HIV+  (Read 1904 times)

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Offline negdatingpos

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I recently started dating someone who is HIV+
« on: March 16, 2017, 12:11:33 am »
I (26F) met this really lovely guy (29M), a real gentleman. A few nights ago he confided in me that he contracted HIV from his previous partner. It's all very well managed, he takes his medication, it's not a resistant strain, and it's no longer detectable in his blood. It's been a very long time since I've had "feelings" for someone and I don't see his HIV as being a reason to run away. I really admire him for telling me early.

I've been doing my own research into it and asking him lots of questions. However, I don't want our time together to be dominated by HIV talk. He's been transparent with me about it all and we both have backgrounds in science which helps in understanding. I just don't want to overload him with questions and neglect normal conversation. I want to keep getting to know him as any normal person.

Has anyone else on here have a HIV positive partner? I pretty much want to know absolutely everything there is to know about it. I know in his case there is a very low risk of transmission, plus if/when the time comes, we would use condoms. If a condom broke I'd probably look into PEP /PREP(tho, at this stage all information is new to me).

I pretty much want to know everything there is to know.
Will HIV ultimately become something a lot more dangerous for him than it currently is?
If he keeps on top of it, can he live a long normal life, or is it likely to worsen over time?
What if his HIV stops responding to treatment? Is it possible for a non-resistant strain to become resistant?
What side effects are there if I start PREP?
Should I even do PREP/PEP?
If/when we become intimate, and if things get serious, would it be appropriate for me to let my family (medically educated, quite open minded people) know about the HIV incase there is an emergency?
I want to have kids someday. I'm not in any rush at all, but would it be realistic and safe to have childeren with a male HIV+ partner? Would prep/pep be harmful for a featus?
That's all a very long way away, but all questions that have been buzzing around in my mind. I don't want to bombard him with questions. :p

Offline JimDublin

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Re: I recently started dating someone who is HIV+
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2017, 02:29:59 am »
Hi

Welcome to the forum.

If he keeps on top of it, can he live a long normal life, or is it likely to worsen over time?

Look life with HIV goes on as normal, its not a big game changer.

In short he has to to work, pay bills, pay the rent, get married if you are both into that or don't, have kids if that's the plan.  Life goes on and with treatment Life expectancy has reached near normal and so he should expect to live a long and productive life.

https://www.poz.com/article/life-expectancy-24972-2090

http://www.aidsmap.com/Life-expectancy-now-considerably-exceeds-the-average-in-some-people-with-HIV-in-the-US/page/2816267/

What if his HIV stops responding to treatment? Is it possible for a non-resistant strain to become resistant?

Than he will switch treatments, there are many combination possible and lots of forum members have been taking the same treatment sometimes up to a decade or more before switching and the switch is often just because something newer is preferred. The treatment they were on was working fine.  Yes it can become resistant this is highly rare if he is adherent to his medication and again he can than switch and newer and improved med's are coming out all the time given more options than ever before.

What side effects are there if I start PREP?
Should I even do PREP/PEP?


I will not answer the first one, and the 2nd question I have answered under the having kids question.

If/when we become intimate, and if things get serious, would it be appropriate for me to let my family (medically educated, quite open minded people) know about the HIV incase there is an emergency?
 

Best ask him  ;)
I would say for myself no as my HIV normally is not a problem, in an emergency first response situation i am not a danger to anyone and I am not sure what the benefit would be in having them know.

I want to have kids someday. I'm not in any rush at all, but would it be realistic and safe to have childeren with a male HIV+ partner?
 

Sure there are quite a few HIV positive fathers and mothers on this forum who have HIV negative children.

Now the next question I have about PrEP and the fetus i have given you a link, I don't personally think all the options in there are right or needed but rthat is up to you.

TaSP is Treatment as prevention, this is not something new, and has been shown to work a few times over and the short version is that if he has confirmed and sustained (>6 months) undetectable viral load than the risks of transmission greatly reduces to negligible.  That is of course if he is on treatment, remains adherent to his treatment and remains undetectable. (UD) 

So if and when you decide to have kids conception should not be a great problem or issue. In the meantime I would say use condoms as additional layer of protection sad truth is I have to say that as I can not guarantee TaSP will work as it requires the individual to remain on the meds and monitored etc. I could never in good faith tell a negative person not to protect themselves.     

https://www.preventionaccess.org/consensus

Look people living with HIV on ART with an undetectable viral load in their blood have a negligible risk of sexual transmission of HIV.  Depending on the drugs employed it may take as long as six months for the viral load to become undetectable. Continued and reliable HIV suppression requires selection of appropriate agents and excellent adherence to treatment. HIV viral suppression should be monitored to assure both personal health and public health benefits.
 
 
Would prep/pep be harmful for a featus? 
   

There are combinations and options.
https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/hiv-family-planning

Anyhow take it easy.

Jim
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline CaveyUK

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Re: I recently started dating someone who is HIV+
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2017, 04:21:33 pm »
Has anyone else on here have a HIV positive partner?

I'm positive, my girlfriend is negative

Quote
Will HIV ultimately become something a lot more dangerous for him than it currently is?
HIV is a virus. The meds suppress it. As long as he keeps adhering to the meds, then the virus remains suppressed.
Quote
If he keeps on top of it, can he live a long normal life, or is it likely to worsen over time?
Refer to my previous answer. Folk living with HIV have certain risks for certain conditions which are higher than the general population but these are only increased risks rather than nailed on certainties. Pretty much all of which are treatable. So, for example, if he was genetically predisposed to bone or joint problems in old age, he may get it a few years sooner. As for how long he will live - there is a school of thought that some HIV+ people may actually live *longer* than the general population now (if adherent to meds) due to the increased monitoring and care they receive. So yes, long and normal life should be the order of the day.
Quote
What if his HIV stops responding to treatment? Is it possible for a non-resistant strain to become resistant?
In the unlikely event that happens, he would switch drugs. There are lots to choose from.
Quote
What side effects are there if I start PREP?
Not a question I can answer here really. Everyone is different and react differently to meds (and thats all meds, not just PrEP).
Quote
Should I even do PREP/PEP?

Once you have been dating for some time, PEP wouldn't really apply to you if he is stable on meds. PrEP? Well thats a decision between you both.
Quote

If/when we become intimate, and if things get serious, would it be appropriate for me to let my family (medically educated, quite open minded people) know about the HIV incase there is an emergency?
I don't see any reason to do this.
Quote
I want to have kids someday. I'm not in any rush at all, but would it be realistic and safe to have childeren with a male HIV+ partner? Would prep/pep be harmful for a featus?
You would be fine to conceive normally with minimal risk to you or your baby.

The whole subject of condom vs condomless sex is a sensitive one and depends very much on your situation and the risk either of you are prepared to take (no matter how small).

Right now, you have just started dating so ALWAYS make sure you use condoms. Further down the line, if the relationship is monogamous, then there may be a discussion about continuing their use if you both wanted that but I stress that is much further down the line in your case.

We know the risk numbers. The link Jim posted is very good at summarising the situation...but it's still a matter of choice and both partners should have fully considered the entire situation before acting on it.

It's certainly a valid discussion if you were wanting to become pregnant in the future though, as will whether you want to supplement it with a PrEP regimen as a 'belt and braces' approach. Some couples are happy to go condomless (including myself/gf) whereas others wouldn't handle the idea. Everyone is different.

Anyway, pleased you posted here. It's good to see someone trying to get educated and realising that someones status is not a barrier to anything much in life :)
HIV - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here:
PEP and PrEP

Offline negdatingpos

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Re: I recently started dating someone who is HIV+
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2017, 01:48:57 am »
Thanks for filling me in! :)
I'm new to all of this haha. All I knew going in was that HIV wasn't as bad as it once was, but I was otherwise pretty clueless about it all.

I've read the current results from the Partner study and looking forward to reading the full results when they are released. We havn't had sex yet, but I'm looking forward to when it happens. I'm no longer worried at all, knowing the risks are so low. :) I think he's probably more worried than I am haha.

Offline JimDublin

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Re: I recently started dating someone who is HIV+
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2017, 02:12:41 am »
Hi

Well you can read more on the results here: http://i-base.info/htb/30108
Its worth noting its not the only study on TaSP several more have been conducted as example:  https://hptn.org/research/studies/33

Anyhow safer sex is a combination of techniques whatever combination you choose be it TaSP, PrEP or condoms is ultimately your choice.

Wishing you both the best.

Jim
« Last Edit: March 18, 2017, 02:15:12 am by JimDublin »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline harleymc

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Re: I recently started dating someone who is HIV+
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2017, 08:09:34 pm »
Hello,
It's really nice that you've met someone you click with and where there's mutual respect.
Top marks to you for searching around and finding this forum to ease the "I've got a million questions to ask" syndrome that can happen with new serodiscordant relationships. The teacher / pupil role isn't really sexy when you're just getting to know each other.

As far as your partner's health, there really shouldn't ever be an issue of his health being worse than other guys in his age cohort. There are a myriad of studies indicating that some comorbidities may be higher, but other studies indicating that if other factors are controlled for life expectancy is near normal or even superior for HIV positive men. Certainly there's a strong indication that smoking is very harmful for people living with HIV.

Treatments failure is rare these days if adherence to dosing is good. Failure was common, even expected in the days of monotherapy or sequential monotherapy (early 1990s) but these days we have viral load testing, viral genome testing and really stable treatments combinations. these days you don't get to many people trampled by horses on public highways.

I wouldn't disclose someone else's HIV status to anyone with the exception that he was unconscious and about to be administered medications. It's not the HIV status that's important but that some medications can interact badly. While I'm generally very open about my HIV status, it's a personal issue and is nicely managed on a need to know basis.

Transmission risk is vanishinly small.What the studies HPTN052, the PARTNER  and the opposites attract (gay serodiscordant men in Australia) studies have all failed to find is any evidence of HIV transmission when viral load is low or undetectable. 

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely time getting to know each other better.
Take care

 


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