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Author Topic: My Best Friend then and now the love of my life  (Read 1691 times)

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Offline antoniovida

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My Best Friend then and now the love of my life
« on: January 16, 2017, 07:25:03 pm »
Its crazy how things happen, how you fall in love with someone with no explanation.

In 2011 i met a guy on jackd, which went from hook up to friends to really good friends, were we ever really friends not really but we both liked each other from the begining, me not really knowing it at the time he was 19 i was 23.

6 months after we met he found out he was poz through a rejected blood donation, he was 20 he is now 23 i am 28. He dated other people and we disconnected until he broke up with his last bf in 2014, i decided to tell him that i was in love with him and had been for all these years.

Since then it has been a nightmare, he started meds and he is just this angry human being he lashes out at me all the time, and says i deserve it, he says when i loved you you didnt love me" he blames me for alot of things and says if i told him 2 years ago i could have saved him. He also doesnt believe i love him he says i only love him because i feel sorry for him" which isnt true.

I love this man i have never loved anyone, i dont know if its his young age and having to deal with hiv is a big struggle especially since he hides it. I am lost and dont know what to do he said "he wants to be with me but hes scared" but i put up with alot of his mood swings anger tantrums over these years and i am just tired.

Any advice, on how to deal with a young poz dude in denial? i sort of left him to be on his own now i feel that he has to accept himself before anyone else can, he already told me he doesnt love himself. But my greatest fear is him loosing himself he used to talk about his status being POZ just a little bit now he doesnt say a word.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: My Best Friend then and now the love of my life
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2017, 07:53:19 pm »
Hi

To be honest if he does not want to be with you, let him go. You say he blames you for something that is not your fault and is angry, who knows maybe one day he will come to terms and accept his own part in that.

Anyhow if he does not want than, its not something you can force.

But my greatest fear is him loosing himself he used to talk about his status being POZ just a little bit now he doesnt say a word.

I barley say a word about Living with HIV except for on this forum, why would i talk about HIV its not important in my life and does not change my life on a day to day basis. Maybe he's also just done talking about it .

he already told me he doesnt love himself.

Look if he is having problems like that he needs to speak to a doctor, about his meds and also about his mental well being, a therapist. Again this is not something you can do for him or force.

Jim
« Last Edit: January 16, 2017, 07:56:22 pm by JimDublin »
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Transmission and Risks:
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Read more about Testing here:
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You can read about HIV prevention here:
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Read about PEP and PrEP here
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Offline antoniovida

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Re: My Best Friend then and now the love of my life
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2017, 08:33:38 pm »
i did let him go many times as did he whenever he is in a relationship however he comes back everytime, and we try to work on our friendship but he always gets jealous because feelings are involved.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: My Best Friend then and now the love of my life
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2017, 09:38:35 pm »
Well it only take one of you to say "I am not doing this anymore" and it will end. Obviously this is impacting you so suggest you be that person and let it be.

Your story to be frank is not that uncommon, or HIV specific. You could have replaced HIV in the post with any illness or long term problem. Some people simply blame others for things in there lives and if you keep enabling the situation it is up to you.

Jim
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

 


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