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Author Topic: Why can't I sleep?  (Read 1235 times)

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Offline tcellsnaction

  • Member
  • Posts: 43
  • just me.....
Why can't I sleep?
« on: December 05, 2006, 07:37:28 AM »
I had a great night sleep after the nurturing weekend and even got to spend most of the day in bed or on the sofa just enjoying a bit of warm companionship. But tonight I am back to my usual restlessness. I don't know if it's from taking my meds late last night before I went to bed, or the complilation of that and some decisions I am making.

I live with my ex, he broke up with me in August after nearly 13 years and I live in his apt. (but pay rent) and the countdown has begun to be out by the end of December.....New Year, New life...

I went to see a new place today, and loved the potential....great location and has 2 rooms (in San Francisco that's a suite...lol). But it has it's downside that I talked with my new friend about and I will try to talk to the landlord today about it. She said that if I wanted it...it was mine...seems too easy...and maybe that is what has me a bit uneasy...nothing seems to have been easy lately but I do appreciate the efforts of an incredible person who has tried to make me feel at ease and at the same time been guarded due to my personal situations of the moment. It's times like these when I feel a bit alone, wanting to share things with someone but there isn't anyone there (but I should be getting used to that since it's been that way for a very long time).
Is this why I can't sleep? Or is it the reality that indeed I am about to move on and bring final closure to my life as I have known it?

I usually accept challenges without care, but trust in myself and others has waned over the years and I have come to doubt everything and everyone. Even the kindest of gestures is welcomed, but the motivations are scrutinized....I know that I am sincere....I know that I want to be happy with someone new....and to do that requires that absolute closure  happen and I need to believe that someone actually wants to be with me....hmmm...trust is the key I guess...in myself and others...

Can I pick up a prescription of trust with my fuzeon?

Changes are still coming....I can see the lights...

But hope they are not bringing another storm....

Live With Passion!

Wherever you feel most comfortable, this is your home....
Whoever shows you greatest love and kindness, these are your family....

Offline Angel-Ronnie

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  • Posts: 471
Re: Why can't I sleep?
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2006, 08:34:30 AM »
Tcellsnaction, if this might help which I hope it does, before I was dx this year I stayed with family and in feb this year I moved into my own place, just do my own thing no need to justify why and what. Before the that time I was awake most of the night 5 times plus. Since I have my own little place I have this calming over my being sleeping through the night without even waking up for a glass of water peace of mind is what I say. I started gym 6 months ago and must say I gained a few pounds but in lean muscle. Good luck with the new place and it might just be the right thing and best thing for to move on. there is nothing as good as peace of mind.

All the best with moving....

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it - Charles Swindoll
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Offline tcellsnaction

  • Member
  • Posts: 43
  • just me.....
Re: Why can't I sleep?
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2006, 08:58:22 AM »
Many thanks... ;)

They say change is good...at least most of it...I just don't know where the confidence went....I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, have started dating a really nice guy that could end up as something if I don't get too clingy, but still that confidence I used to have has gone into hiding....

I am looking for it and am hoping to find it though... :)  I know you are right that a new space will give me better peace of mind and hopefully the rest will follow.... ;)
Live With Passion!

Wherever you feel most comfortable, this is your home....
Whoever shows you greatest love and kindness, these are your family....


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