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Author Topic: We thought wrong?  (Read 5220 times)

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Offline LittleDots

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We thought wrong?
« on: April 02, 2016, 11:00:50 am »
First, I have a test scheduled next week, I'm just wondering if it makes sense...

Facts:
-BF of >1 year is HIV positive and undetectable since '12.
-We engage in oral, vaginal, and anal frequently, w/o condoms. (at least 5x/wk since becoming a couple). Taking the recent PARTNER study findings, we assumed... :(
-BF had the flu and an ear infection about 3 weeks ago, RX abx for ear.
-We both have HSV-2 (I also have HSV-1)
-We continued to have sex even through his flu. (OK, I know we have problems... :/)
-10 days ago, I caught his flu (I thought..) yet I'm still quite sick.
-Also, just had to start treatment for my 2nd yeast infection in as many weeks (tested & confirmed). Also, found to have oral thrush.

OK, so I am going to get tested next week with my BF's ID Dr... But I just wanted some kind of hope that maybe it's just a fluke? Because it seems pretty certain that UD can't transmit the virus... Although, now I'm starting to find stuff about 'blips' and HSV-2 causing higher VL in semen (neither of us had an outbreak during this time though and he's really good about taking his meds every night within 2 hours of the night before). Could a 'blip' from the flu and an ear infection really raise his VL enough to transfer the virus to me?

Thank you for your time!!

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2016, 11:32:08 am »
Welcome to the forum.

I moved you post into the section "Someone I care about". You can post in this section and the "off topic" section. If your sick talk to a doctor, we don't discuss symptoms here.  Everyone in "Am I" section says they have symptoms and are convinced they have HIV yet it's highly rare for any of them to actually test HIV positive.

I read you post and if what you said is correct I fully expect you will test negative when you do test, I would say the risk is virtually none, however I can't say it's 0.  TASP has proven highly effective as an aid in preventing transmission. As for blips the partner study you mentioned so far has indicated no transmission occurred between the partners when the HIV+ partners had a viral load of under 200 copies/ml, either by anal or vaginal sex.

If you are concerned you might want to consider PrEP and/or condoms as an additional layer of protection going forward. 

Jim
« Last Edit: April 02, 2016, 11:35:09 am by JimDublin »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline LittleDots

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2016, 11:59:05 am »
I've been trying to get on PrEP for the last 6 months. Living in small town TX, there are very little resources for it. BF's Dr seemed confident that TasP would be effective alone and hasn't been helping much with the PrEP stuff. This is the only ID Dr in town, and I don't know how else to get it.

The Dr did seemed concerned over my extended flu, which is why he's "squeezing" me in next week. I know I just have to wait and see.

The results of the PARTNER study are keeping me hopeful, though!! Seems highly unlikely that transmission is possible when UD, so I'm banking on that! Thanks for the reassurance!!

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2016, 12:10:33 pm »
Well your welcome and if you are considering PrEP than when you test next week perhaps you can talk to the ID Doc again about the subject.

Jim
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline CaveyUK

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2016, 06:25:30 pm »
You are getting tested, which is smart, but I doubt there will be a problem.

So he is UD and on meds. Practically zero risk. Ok, so you had sex whilst he was sick, maybe slight (emphasis on slight) risk. Chances are still fine.

To put this in context, I have had uncontrolled HIV for some time (several years at least), and during that time had sex with my gf probably 100's of times, and she is negative at last test. That is uncontrolled HIV, with my VL at 70k or above.

So I doubt you have any reason to worry. But the test will put your mind at rest fully.

As an extra observation - there is a LOT of flu going around at the moment, and some people are affected for several weeks
HIV - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here:
PEP and PrEP

Offline LittleDots

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2016, 04:49:40 pm »
I had my appointment on Monday. It's been kind of a hazy few days but you all were so sweet to me that I wanted to let you know that my rapid test was positive. Had blood sent off to confirm and have an appointment next Tuesday to get the results. I really don't know what else to say, except thank you for your extreme kindness.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2016, 04:54:34 pm »
Well I'm truly really sorry to hear that.
Keep in mind a reactive result does not mean positive yet, so until you get the confirmation testing done please only post in this thread.

However I am moving the thread to "I just tested poz" so that other members will see the thread and can comment on any questions you may have.

Jim
« Last Edit: April 07, 2016, 05:01:17 pm by JimDublin »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline LittleDots

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2016, 09:39:16 am »
The rapid test was confirmed positive. Cd4 is 425 and vl is 370500. I'm having a harder time with this than I thought I would. Another appt next week for my induction into care, I just couldn't handle it on Tuesday.

Offline zach

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2016, 09:47:22 am »
just try to stay calm

if i understand this thread correctly you've been in serodiscordant for year, and you have recently been diagnosed positive as well

very sorry to hear that.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2016, 10:44:09 am »
Hi

Really sorry to hear your having a hard time digesting the diagnosis.
Try to take it easy and if you have questions in the meantime just let us know.

Jim
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline LittleDots

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2016, 12:07:44 pm »
I hope it's alright if I vent?  This is not directed at anyone specific, just general. Please delete or yell at me if this isn't allowed.

What the hell?! Why isn't PrEP easier to get? Why didnt TaSP work this time?  Why did I think it wouldn't happen to me?  Why did the numbers not curry in my favor? Why?

I'm a well educated, white woman in my 30s. Statistically, I'm an anomaly. I've already had several researchers (or "vultures" as I've taken to calling them) calling me from Houston (our doctor has a fellowship at Baylor) because apparently this scenario is rare. Well, aren't I just a special little snowflake.

Yes, I knew the risk. Yes, I still love my bf (soon to be husband in May). Oh gosh, our wedding is 6 weeks away, guys! I have my dress fitting in 2 weeks! I just...

I feel stupid. I feel angry at myself. I feel sad for my bf, I know he didn't want this.

Ok.I'm sorry. I'm done. I do have one question. Is anyone here still in a relationship with the person they obtained the virus from? If so, how did it change the relationship?

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2016, 12:33:32 pm »
Venting and being angry is fine but don't beat yourself up too much, and do forgive yourself at some stage.

Besides you have better things to focus on like getting married, 6 weeks away excellent stuff, congratulations. :-) I remember getting married it was fun, we ran away to Scotland to get married so her parents could not protest.

Take it easy.

Jim.
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline zach

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #12 on: April 16, 2016, 05:09:57 pm »
I hope it's alright if I vent?  ........... Is anyone here still in a relationship with the person they obtained the virus from? If so, how did it change the relationship?

totally all right, encouraged even... i always tag my post if i'm just venting, then i babble whatever needs to be said with no expectation of any responses

the person you obtained the virus from is yourself, only you can take that blame

please trust me, coming to terms with that will be more than half the battle of coming to terms with your infection

no one infected you, no one did this to you... the virus does what it does, it doesn't give a shit

you failed to protect yourself, and you exposed yourself

trying to come to peace with someone that you blame, will never happen

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: We thought wrong?
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2016, 06:37:15 pm »
 

  If you two are getting married in 6 weeks it might be wise to get some counseling.  Starting a marriage off with resentment is definitely a recipe for disaster.  A good piece of read is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. 

  Receiving a positive diagnosis is devastating, so I am not surprised you are not taking this so well.  However, there was a risk, and measures to avoid that risk were ignored.  Coming to terms with that is important right now, both for your state of mind and the success of your relationship/marriage.

  Venting and sharing your honest feelings about all this is a great first step.  Welcome to the forums.

  Skeebo

 

 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

 


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