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Author Topic: Is it ever ok to tell someone someone esles status?  (Read 3452 times)

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Offline Toby123

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Is it ever ok to tell someone someone esles status?
« on: February 19, 2016, 12:07:20 pm »
HI guys, I recently did something I both regret and don't at the same time. I have never divulged anyone's status until about two weeks ago. I am a DJ at a bar and for years have watched this one guy come in the bar at around 12 watch for the drunkest guy he can find and watch as he tries and usually does get them to go home with him.. This guy also has been known to ruffie people and has been caught taking advantage of drunk guys in the bathroom whom are to the passed out point.. I recently had enough. This man also denies he has hiv but is poz..  and doesn't tell people he sleeps with he has it. My ex was poz and he always said it was a crime not to tell..I need some advice as how to handle this..I would never tell anyone things like this if it were that these guys are not in their right mind..I don't know what to do or what I have done and am very stressed out..  THank you :'(

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Is it ever ok to tell someone someone esles status?
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2016, 12:15:02 pm »
I moved your post into the proper forum where you should only post in this one thread from now on. The forum is for people living with HIV so you are limited to posting only here.

You will not find any sympathy here in this forum My best advice to you is to advise the bar staff to stop over serving the customers so they can take care of themselves. Its really none of your business if this guy is living with HIV or not so my advice would be to mind your own business . If the guy is out of line or preying on other customers ask the bar manager to ban him and then you will not need to pry into his personal life and can be done with it.
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Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Is it ever ok to tell someone someone esles status?
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2016, 12:32:15 pm »
This might sound blunt, and maybe I should bite my tongue but I won't.
If he's causing problems report it so he can be barred from the bar.

What i suspect is the bathroom part is a story is exactly that just a story that has been blown out of proportion.
As for drunks picking each other up in a bar what's new, it's none of your business. If you don't like that choose a different occupation.

He may or may not be HIV+
He may or may not be disclosing
He may be on successful treatment and UD.  Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP)
He might also be using condoms for safer sex.
Maybe the partners are on PrEP. Info about PrEP

You simply don't know and it really does not matter as it's still remains none of your business.

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Offline RobbyR

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Re: Is it ever ok to tell someone someone esles status?
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2016, 06:08:17 pm »
No it's not ok point blank. It's not your business. People have to take responsibility for their own actions.
"I survived because I was tougher than anybody else".--Bette Davis




Offline BT65

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Re: Is it ever ok to tell someone someone esles status?
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2016, 05:14:32 am »
i have to agree with my counterparts.  Unless I saw someone's status in black and white I wouldn't "assume" the person was poz.  Also, what about the responsibility of the other people? I realize our judgment can get clouded when drinking heavily, but why are people in the bar you continue to remain employed at, be allowed to drink to the "passing out point" you say they are in the bathroom?   If the person is passing out, he should have a cab called for him. 

Regardless it really is none of your business.  I would never do that to anyone.  And I would say not many would.    If any at all.

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Offline intaglio

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Re: Is it ever ok to tell someone someone esles status?
« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2016, 12:48:02 am »
This guy also has been known to ruffie people

If you have solid evidence he has done this, you need to take it to the authorities. If you don't and are relying on gossip, then you cannot take any action.

Also, unless you have solid evidence he is HIV+, then you again are relying on rumor.

The guy sounds as if he should not be a patron of your establishment if his behavior is making others uncomfortable or he is acting in a disruptive manner. This is simple business common sense.

As other say, if this establishment is allowing others to drink to excess on a regular basis, there are other more pressing issues that the owners/management should be addressing.
Reality is frequently inaccurate.

Offline tt816

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Re: Is it ever ok to tell someone someone esles status?
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2016, 05:58:55 pm »
thanks ... hard evidence


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