Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 17, 2019, 05:46:56 pm

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 749267
  • Total Topics: 62903
  • Online Today: 257
  • Online Ever: 4912
  • (November 13, 2019, 02:56:14 am)
Users Online
Users: 3
Guests: 218
Total: 221

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: need some advise  (Read 3294 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Scared1963

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
need some advise
« on: December 08, 2015, 05:53:55 pm »
My husband was diagnosed hiv pos in july07, we have been together since 92. I tested negative. I know this is going to sound bad but after finding this out in 07 we have not had sex. Not because he doesn't want to but I'm so afraid of getting it. In my mind nothing is 100%, except not doing anything. I know he is frustrated now that its been 8yrs, his cd4 is above 500 now, and undetectable vl.  Has there been anyone that has the same situation. And how did you overcome it.

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,679
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: need some advise
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2015, 10:14:37 pm »
while his cd4 count doesn't matter in this case, the PARTNER study shows that someone with an UD viral load (for at least 6 months) has a nearly zero chance of transmission. This nearly 3 yr long study of several thousand people (straight and gay) recording nearly 100,000 sex acts has had ZERO transmissions. This study shows that successfully treating a person living with HIV stops transmission (treatment as prevention). So that's good point #1.

Good point #2 is PrEP. Truvada can be taken by an HIV negative person as a preventative for HIV. Taken daily, Truvada provides anywhere from 92-99% protection. Taken just 4 times a week, PrEP still provides 70-90% protection. Studies show that if you take PrEP every day, it reaches its maximum protection in blood at 20 days, in rectal tissue at about 7 days, and in vaginal tissues at about 20 days.

Condoms, PrEP, and TasP (treatment as prevention) are all tools in the HIV prevention toolbox. If you used just one of them, you would give yourself a whole lot of protection against getting infected with HIV. Using two or more, quite frankly, will protect you to nearly 100%.

Heterosexual couples have been using these methods for years to not infect their partners while trying to have a baby. According to the CDC guidelines: for heterosexual couples where one partner has HIV and the other does not, PrEP is one of several options to protect the uninfected partner during conception and pregnancy.

I hope some of this has eased your mind. Taking proactive steps of condoms, TasP and PrEP will not only protect you but allow you to move forward with your stalled out sex life. I hope you talk to your doctor (or his) about using PrEP. I would also suggest that counseling might be helpful too. It could help you with your fears and medical facts; and with the adjustments that will come as you two resume sex after all these years.

I say this with all goodwill, I hope you get laid soon.  ;) Sex is pretty awesome, and no one should have to forego it when a few precautions would you keep you HIV-.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2017
Tivicay/Prezcobix

Offline Danigirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: need some advise
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2015, 04:25:46 pm »
Hello, Scared1963. Sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. I too am in a serodiscordant relationship. My husband was diagnosed almost 3yrs ago. Despite, our fairly active sex life, I have remained negative. He has been undetectable since about 6mths into his diagnosis. Even though as Leatherman has stated the risk of transmission is extremely low while undetectable  we choose to use condoms.  I can't  say even in the beginning I have ever felt really unsafe to continue to be intimate with my husband, I can understand your concern. Have you ever attended counseling? Maybe that would help you get through some of our fears.  Anyway, I wish you two the best of luck!

Offline Headocea

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Re: need some advise
« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2016, 05:43:47 am »
My husband was diagnosed hiv pos in july07, we have been together since 92. I tested negative. I know this is going to sound bad but after finding this out in 07 we have not had sex. Not because he doesn't want to but I'm so afraid of getting it. In my mind nothing is 100%, except not doing anything. I know he is frustrated now that its been 8yrs, his cd4 is above 500 now, and undetectable vl.  Has there been anyone that has the same situation. And how did you overcome it.

that's really frustrating but I've heard also that a man who infected his ex-wife with HIV has been ordered to pay her $12.5 million (8.3m). I think it would be safe if your husband will have to take some medicines?if possible coz if you will get pregnant, it would be possible that the baby will get infected and its really terrifying!

Offline Jim Allen

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 13,627
  • Twitter @JimAllenDublin
    • HIV Lessons
Re: need some advise
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2016, 05:51:50 am »
Hi Headocea

Welcome to the forum.

Sorry can you perhaps introduce yourself to the guys?
Are you in a relationship with someone Living with HIV? or perhaps you are HIV Positive yourself and if so are you taking treatment?

Jim
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Transmission and Risks:
HIV Transmission and Risks
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,284
Re: need some advise
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2016, 05:22:36 am »
Why not just end the relationship so you can both have a chance at happiness?

Offline CaveyUK

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 1,635
Re: need some advise
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2016, 05:37:22 pm »
Why not just end the relationship so you can both have a chance at happiness?

that was my thought. In love, desire > fear...especially when it is widely known now about the zero risks involved when UD. If the OP was saying that he/she really felt frustrated and craved sex but had this irrational fear then thats one thing, but it read to me like they are accepting this as the norm whilst the husband is getting increasingly frustrated.

Seems like there are 3 solutions -

1. Split. As Harley said, get a shot at both being happy.

2. Allow the husband to get his kicks elsewhere

3. Get over this ridiculous irrational fear.

The third option is the hardest I guess, but if this relationship isn't devoid of love then it's worth a shot before choosing either of the first two.

Key thing here is UD = non-transmissible. But don't take our, or any studies word for it. Have sex, then get tested regularly. Once it becomes clear that this is a fact rather than a hope, then the worries should ease off.

I'm guessing that the fear of infection will still hang around until the above is proven huh? Well think of it like this....if you were to get infected (which you WON'T) then people diagnosed early will have no immune system damage, and practically speaking no health issues as a result of HIV. Treatment these days is a single daily pill with about the same risks and side-effects as a multivitamin. Now this is the VERY worst case as your mind is playing it. In reality it won't happen as we have said - it's zero risk. But if you love your husband, then what is the fear for? What is it that is worrying you exactly?

The time to be fearful of HIV is if you are having sex with a person/people of unknown status where the VL is potentially sky high and without diagnosis, an untreated infection can lead to numerous health problems. Now you and your husband are far removed from that particular profile.

If you really can't get over that hurdle, then the next suggestion is counselling as there is a deep-rooted psychological problem which needs sorting.

And following that, if you are still too afraid to show love to your husband, then refer back to steps 1 or 2.

HIV - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here:
PEP and PrEP

Offline CaveyUK

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 1,635
Re: need some advise
« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2016, 05:39:34 pm »
Apologies, just realised that the original post was from Dec last year.

It's annoying when these zombie threads are raised from the dead but you don't notice it!
HIV - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here:
PEP and PrEP

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2019 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.