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Author Topic: I recently "Discovered" that my BF is + (Kinda A Long Read)  (Read 2908 times)

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Offline Starkitty

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I recently "Discovered" that my BF is + (Kinda A Long Read)
« on: August 28, 2015, 10:25:30 pm »
Hello Everyone,

My name is Star Kitty and I am new to this forum as well as new to having HIV directly effecting my life. Just a little about me I am a 38, trisexual female who has been in a committed, monogamous relationship with my current boyfriend for just over a year now. I should also warn you that I use humor (be it usually dry) to help me cope with things so please excuse anything "snarky" I may say while writing this.

Well let's see, where to start.....(sorry this is gonna be a bit long)

So "the man" (as I will be referring to him as from here on out) and I met last June. I wasn't interested at all, only went out with him because he answered a geography question that I just knew he wouldn't know, but nonetheless ended up meeting him and have been inseparable ever since. Well early on in the relationship we began having sex. At first it was very much condoms all the time, every time - no exceptions to the rules. For gods sake I was the girl who had a candy bowl full of condoms on each night stand. Maybe three months into us having sex, one night things got hot and heated and we got to it and I realized pretty quickly he hadn't strapped up. I immediately stopped the action and scolded him as if he was a child and informed him that his penis and my vagina equaled condom EVERY TIME- PERIOD!! ( In hindsight, I really should take my own advice sometimes😏) So I would say about a week after that incident and numerous sex acts later we were at my place one night and we started talking about sexual history and I had just gotten tested a few weeks prior for HIV as well as other STI/D's and I had a clean bill of health. Again just so happens we were at my place and I happened to have my paperwork on hand so I showed it to him. He told me that he had been recently tested as he goes to the doctor every 3 months for a check up because he is a stroke survivor ( yeah I know now that was a red flag, I at the time had no knowledge of stokes and such so I went with it) and he was completely healthy. Now see something about me none of you know is that I (up until this point) have always been a "yeah your word is nice but show me some proof" type of girl. Well for some reason unknown to even myself this is/was the first time I EVER didn't press the issue and a few days later we were getting hot and heavy and he went to reach for a condom and I said "don't worry about it". He asked me "was I sure" and I said yeah. Just like that we started a sexually unprotected relationship.

Ohh, my bad ya'll I forgot to tell you guys I have a gimp pancreas 😷. No seriously though, five years ago I was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis. With that comes an occasional pancreatic attack (okay maybe a bit more than occasionally) which in a mild attack puts me in the ER for a few hours to get fluids, blood work (to check my enzymes, lipids, ect.) and get plenty of pain medications or it could be a serious bought where I'm hospitalized for days. In any event we had a few incidents where I was either in the ER or in the hospital. As a matter of fact a few weeks ago (July 1) I was admitted to the hospital for surgery. I had my gall bladder removed. In any event, in all the months leading up until now I had probably been in and or hospitalized about 7 or 8 times. Not once did anyone ever come back to me and say "hey you tested positive" ( more about that in a few.) In any event, about 3 weeks ago "the man" made a stupid choice and got in a car with a "friend" who had a gun in the vehicle. Well "the man" made some not so smart choices when he was younger and landed himself on probation. Long story short they got pulled over and they both got arrested as neither of them were to be around firearms. So the day after he was arrested it was determined he needed a bond hearing and that wouldn't happen for a few days so he asked me if I could bring his medications to the jail because they didn't I seem to be administering them to him. I said sure no problem. I knew where a few of his pills were and he has a daily pill box he refills every Sunday night. I opened the pill box and see that there is about 5 pills plus a fish oil pill (yuck) and I realize I've only got bottles for 3 of these 5 pills. Again, the man had a stroke so i never questioned all these pills. Why I spoke to him again I told him hey I can only find 3 of your mess where are the rest. He told me to look in the closet in the bedroom and that they were in his suitcase in a bag. Now see to is where most people would have gotten suspicious but I didn't simply because he had literally just come back in town maybe 2 days prior and I saw when he packed his bag to go so I didn't feel like he was hiding anything. Nonetheless, I go in the suitcase I find the 2 pill bottles and I take all his drugs to the jail. Not once did I stop to look what they were, I just knew my man needed his meds and I was going to get them to him!! So that very same night I am getting ready to go to bed and I need to move the suitcase off the bed. When I walked over to it the plastic bag his drugs were in was still ere and I noticed 2 folded sheets of paper. I opened the first one and discovered it was a travel permit and I folded it back up and put it back. I then notice the second folded paper was not a single paper but papers and I took it out and opened it. Much to my surprise the first thing I saw was a little section that just mentioned living healthy with HIV. nothing liked in my head immediately and then I turned the papers over and saw that it was a RX for a drug I never heard of (prior to that day) called Atripla. The first paragraph on the sheet gives a breakdown of what it is and that it is used for HIV + individuals, blah , blah, blah..........

So then I freak the hell out!!!!

He obviously was otherwise occupied and I couldn't ask him what the hell was going on so I was left to assume. The next morning I called the health department to inquire about when I old be tested and was told every weekday between 8am-4pm. Great I said I will be there shortly to which the lady responded, ohh well we actually shut down early today because we're understaffed. Try again tomorrow. I live in the U.S., in the south, in what a lot of people refer to as a small little hick town. So of course I'm freaking out and so then I went to the ER with RX in hand and explained that I needed to be tested for HIV STAT!!! I was informed then by the triage nurse that they an not test me for HIV in the ER. now if I think I have gohnerea  or clymidia no worries, they an test me all day. HIV however, I would need a referral from a doctor to get that sort of thing done. 😒 Thank some higher power that this just happened to be the hospital I had just had surgery at a few weeks prior. I made a beeline to the records department, explained to the lady what I had found and that I was having no luck getting tested and that I was terrified and I needed to check my records from my hospital stay because surely it would be in them if I was infected. The 3 days I was in the hospital they literally drew blood every 12 hours not to mention I had surgery. What surgeon in their right mind would do surgery and not have me tested for HIV at the very least. The woman as sympathetic as she was to me told me as nicely as she could "sweetie, you were admitted for GI issues and unless the doctor had reason to suspect you were HIV+ or at risk that's likely not something he would have had the lab run." She then went over my 35 pages of lab work for my 3 day stay and she said there is no mention of HIV in this paperwork, but that being said, that means the test was never ordered. I felt like the whole world was closing in on me.

I got back in my car and suddenly remembered that I had taken a few of my friends a few times to a place in my city that was run by the LGBT center. Sadly they are not based in my its but the next city over.but I called them anyway. I told the guy who answered what was going on and he explained while no one was in my city that day, they only come to my city by appointment and that he could get someone out to my city the next day. I settled on that and the waiting game began. Meanwhile I had not yet spoke to "the man" and finally that evening I did. I ran through all the pleasantries first and finally said "I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me, if I feel like your lying I am leaving you -period. I found a RX for and HIV drug, are you HIV +?"  He kind of hemmed and hawed for a second and said he could explain. He said he had taken a test (one that they use for AIM) and it said he was positive and then he took 2 subsequent tests which came up negative and that he had been given the meds as a preventative measure. 😗😒 At this point I couldn't do anything but sit there flabbergasted. I had already researched Atripla and knew that for PrEP a 28 day course was given. He tried to convince me that because he is such a savvy writer he got the company to give him the meds indefinitely.....

Let me see if I can shorten this story down some. He got out of jail a week later and I decided I was going to stay with him. We talked a lot and I explained to him he had absolutely no more lies with me. If he lied again and I caught him I was leaving him. He kept insisting to me that he was only doing this for preventive reasons and wouldn't just admit he was positive.  I kept on keeping on and I found some support groups through the LGBT organization I tested with. When we went to the first meeting he finally said he was in fact HIV +. After the meeting I asked him how long he knew and he once again lied (and I didn't leave-once again😒🚬). Finally a few nights ago I found paperwork from his doctor dated 2011 stating that a drug he takes can cause a false positive for marijuana. I kindly put the letters on the bed and walked out the house,drove across town to my house and waited for him to respond. He of course begged me to come back (he's on house arrest after his arrest and can't be out after 11😂) he would explain. When I got back he and I had yet another long talk and he admitted he had been in denial so long that he was starting to believe his own B💩S.

We have had sex 3 times since I've known. All three times we used a condom. Sadly for me 2 of those times the condom ended up being left in me( sorry for the gross picture that just painted in your head) one time we realized after ejaculation, the other before. At this point I will honest with you all. I'm scared ****less everyone!!! I don't have health insurance so I can't just rush to my primary doctor and say "hey I think I need some assistance". He has offered to let me take some of his meds (atripla) as he has quiet the reserve. But honestly with all the other drugs I take (enzymes, protonix,blood pressure meds) for my pancreas I'm not really sure that's a good move. I've looked up a bunch of clinical trials through a few places I've learned about however, remember I told you all I'm in a hick town in the south....yeah not to many options. So I guess one of my questions is what do I do now? Clearly I am. Or leaving this guy but I need to be as healthy and safe as possible. I would love if you guys and gals could offer me any advice. Thanks for reading all this I know it was a lot. I'm usually not this long winded.......ok move away from your interwebz before you get hit by the ⚡️⚡️⚡️ about to strike me. Thanks in advance!!!

Star Kitty
"Don't let your struggle become your identity"

Offline Almost2late

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Re: I recently "Discovered" that my BF is + (Kinda A Long Read)
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2015, 11:04:44 pm »
Hi Kitty,

Sorry you went through that.. First off if your man is on Atripla, its very possible he won't pass it on to you but not impossible so it is a really good idea that you keep using condoms.. you should ask your man if he is undetectable, which means his HIV viral load is so low it's not detectable, which will make it hard for him to transmit the virus to you, almost impossible, this is what Atripla does.. Ask to see proof he's undetectable.. You will still have to test for HIV though..

Also you shouldn't be taking Atripla, its not a prep and with your medical issues it might be dangerous.. The Prep drug is called Truvada.. Atripla may harm you, it's for HIV+ people..

As far as you continuing your relationship, that's really up to you.. He lied to you so, just saying.. Good Luck

« Last Edit: August 28, 2015, 11:09:47 pm by Almost2late »

Offline Starkitty

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Re: I recently "Discovered" that my BF is + (Kinda A Long Read)
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2015, 11:55:43 pm »
Thanks Almost2late,

I know he's lied but I also know he's a good person who I honestly feel in my heArt of hearts was just scared, in denial, and a little idiotic (I say that with love). I know how I felt when I got diagnosed with C.P and that was just something that wouldn't effect someone else from a health standpoint (although the mental heAlth, and support level is completely different).

He has told me that his viral load is and has been testing undetectable but I've yet to see any paperwork. IVE ASKED..... But it's very much "the check is in the mail 📧📤📬" sort of thing. He says he will get them from his doctor and I've asked to go to doctor with him but this hasn't happened as of yet.

Thanks you for giving me the advice about the Atripla. I didn't know that was only for HIV+ People because like I said I was informed that it was (by my mom who freaked out when I freaked out) she sent me this http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/Q195686.html  (I'm sorry I'm new but I think I am allowed to post links to back myself up. If not I'm sorry it's a newbie mistake please forgive) Anyway, while I was recently visiting her she told me about truvada and that's why I've been looking for clinical trials because the ,ore I learn the more I truly believe there is no money in cures, and these pharma companies exploit that to the fullest (but that's a whole other rant I won't go on....).

Finally, I'll say thank you for your non-judgement of my situation and the decisions I am making. Imagine I do love him and I am trying to be as supportive as I can but trust and believe, this riddle-
What has two thumbs, an awesome rack, a bad hello kitty fetish and limits (uncontrary to what it may seem)....

👉🏾👉🏾THIS WOMAN👈🏾👈🏾

Thanks again for the insight 💕
"Don't let your struggle become your identity"

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: I recently "Discovered" that my BF is + (Kinda A Long Read)
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2015, 08:17:55 am »
Welcome to the Forums. Please insist on condoms for anal or vaginal sex. Its true that if a person is undetectable fir a period of time that its unlikely that they will pass on the virus but given your partners history I would not count on anything he tells you as the truth.

PrEP is very effective and you can read about it here ...


Thanks for breaking up your last post into paragraphs, its so much easier to read that way. 
HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP


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