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Author Topic: BF tested Positive Need advice  (Read 2263 times)

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Offline Rick02740

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BF tested Positive Need advice
« on: May 12, 2015, 02:19:54 pm »
I am a married male.  My ex-bf is a gay male with a partner and a new bf.  When we started dating, we were in love and later in the relationship referred to each other as bf and eventually partners, we agreed to be exclusive.  Excluding of course his partner.  His partner never knew about us.  We spent a lot of time together, hiking and geocaching and other things.   A little over 2 years into the relationship he called me to tell me he tested positive.  It scared the living daylights out of me.  I know he was a mess.  He said he had sex with 2 other married guys that he trusted.  It was during a time when we were not getting along and he had problems with his partner.  I broke it off for a short period.  I tested negative but was a mess none the less over this revelation.  I went back to him.  I missed him and I loved him so much.  The relationship was never the same.  We stopped saying I love you as often.  Eventually it stopped altogether.  I broke it off again last summer.  And again I went back to him.  The relationship was not like it was in the beginning nor the 2nd time I went back.  I thought we were working on our relationship but last month he told me he had been seeing someone and this person wanted to be exclusive.  This was hard, very hard for me.  Devastating.  Before we parted we were intimate one more time.  Since then we have been intimate 3 or 4 more times.  He says he feels guilty afterwards.  He has told me we can have a FWB situation but that I cannot call or text until he says its ok. His new bf doesn't want me talking to him.  His partner has never suspected and does not mind if we hang out.   I want him back so badly I am willing to be his FWB.  I have so many memories and so much love for him.   I have even blocked out that he is HIV +  Any advice on how to handle this situation?

Offline zach

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Re: BF tested Positive Need advice
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2015, 02:28:10 pm »
edited... that was too harsh

good luck
« Last Edit: May 12, 2015, 02:30:57 pm by zach »

Offline wolfter

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Re: BF tested Positive Need advice
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2015, 02:56:26 pm »
This is a forum dedicated to those whom are supporting and/or caring for someone dealings with HIV/AIDS.  Your thread isn't concerning that issue in the least.
Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: BF tested Positive Need advice
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2015, 02:59:27 pm »
Why are you writing to us on POZ forums about this.  The biggest challenges in this relationship do not seem to be about HIV.

But since you wrote to it, I will comment on the HIV angle.  You said you "block it out" that he is HIV+.  That's just silly. You did not. And you are writing to us!  What you did was decide to continue the relation.  Just have safe sex again. You know by experience not to trust your lover. 

You seem to want to talk about your heartache, and your attachment to him, why you keep going back, etc. 

Listen, from an outsider's perspective, your lover is not available to you. He's not your BF.  He's not a friend. He seems like he was a secret lover but now you have been demoted to fuckbuddy at HIS whim, on his terms.

It hurts a lot to leave someone you love but don't you have the right to a real, honest, relationship? Of course you do!  It's not going to be him.  Face up to that.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline zach

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  • Posts: 3,500
Re: BF tested Positive Need advice
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2015, 03:51:27 pm »
well hell, if y'all are gonna

I am a married male

My ex-bf is a gay male with a partner and a new bf

thats your answer... it should be self evident

this isn't a relationship advice column, it's a support group for people living with hiv, and people supporting loved ones with hiv

hiv is nothing more than a footnote to your post

you want to be with this man, get a divorce. go be with him. nothing wrong with that i guess


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