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Author Topic: Scared to death!!  (Read 3390 times)

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Offline Un4given

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Scared to death!!
« on: November 10, 2006, 04:16:08 PM »
Hello guys.... (sorry for my crapy English)

I know you might be tired of reading this same kind of story over and over again...The thing is, that I'm so afraid of having HIV, I can't picture myself getting tested.

In 2003, I had sex with 2 girls in the same week, using condom, although we didn't use protection for oral sex, when we had normal sex (penis-vagina) the condom never broke. Then a few days later like a week I developed a very severe sore throat, fever, I could hardly swallow liquids, etc....and the worst thing, I got genital herpes. Well I went to see a Doctor, and he asked me if I've heard of HIV, I almost lost my voice and got pale. He asked me to get HIV tested, and told me I didn't have herpes, even though he saw the bumps, he didn't want to believe it was herpes, he prescribed me VALTREX since I tried to convince him I had genital herpes. Later on I found out by myself it was actually herpes because VALTREX was the only thing that cure very quick the bumps. Well, I got the strength to go and get HIV tested 4 months after the sexual encounters. Luckily it was negative....so I never worried again about being HIV infected, I just had to get used to live with herpes outbreaks almost every 2 or 3 weeks....which was one of the things that made me believe before the testing I was HIV positive, since I've read that the common thing is to get 6, or 8 outbreaks a year, and they are expected to become fewer a less painful, something I've never seen happening to me.

One year ago, I went stupid again and got involved in some risky sexual relationships. Yes, call me an idiot...I know I am. Well, I always wore a condom, but I always did oral sex to the 3 girls too without any protection , but with one of them the condom got broken while having normal sex (penis-vagina), and she was this kind of well known easy girl :( . Since then I have always believed I could be infected...since that happened I have had 2 Girlfriends which I love a lot, and in case I caught HIV from any of those affair easy girls, it is almost 100% sure my GFs do have it too. That is the hardest and more painful thing to me. I could live my life with HIV, but thinking I got 2 people I love infected, that makes me miserable, a trash person, I hate myself if that is true. That's why I don't want to get tested again, I would kill myself if it is positive.

Since a few months ago, like 4 months, I have started to have symptoms like when you are about to get a COLD, but the cold never comes for real, it never starts.  I get a sore throat, a runny nose, sneezing, coughing, but that's it, it last for like 2, or 4 days, and it goes away like for a week, and then comes back again over and over. And man, that shit is freaking me out!!! That has never happened to me before. My herpes outbreaks I must admit that have become less frequent, but when they come, they are painful. In the last 2 months I almost had two real COLDs, I say almost because it wasn't very severe, but there were somehow stronger symptoms that the usual ones I was having, for like 3 nights I felt like I was getting a fever but never got it for real, at least that's what the thermometer said. I haven't got swollen lymphs, lost weight or anything thanks god.

Now I need to hear from you guys, are those HIV symptoms? I will not get tested since I don't want to think I infected 2 girls I love because of my stupid animal behavior. I'm very scared...I have nightmares, I cant stop thinking of those girls crying if they find out that :(  they are good girls and don't deserve that ending.

Sorry for the long story, but i needed somebody to listen to me. I really appreciate those who answer to my questions, and those who took the time to at least hear me crying.


Lots of hugs!!

The Un4given

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death!!
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2006, 04:34:44 PM »
Neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms is ever the way to know anything reliably about your HIV status. Only getting tested at the appropriate time will give you that answer.

If I am reading what you have reported accurately you have consistently been using condoms and had one incident in which the condom broke. None of your other sexual activities would have put you at risk for HIV transmission. Condoms provide very effective protection. 

You say if you are HIV+, it would only have happened because of that one incident when the condom broke. HIV is not an easy virus to transmit. It's significantly more difficult to accomplish from female to male. So if that was the only briefly risky incident the likelihood that you are HIV+ from it is extremely unlikely.

But like I said previously, the only sure way to know is to get tested. And you can do that anytime now.

Now as to your being so scared that you might have infected two women you love, I have to say I don't think much of the quality or depth of your love. If you are unwilling to get tested because you couldn't bear to know you had done that to them --- give me a break buddy! What self-pitying hogwash is that!!!!!

Stop all this drama and get yourself tested.

Also, I am assuming that you are consistently using condoms when you have intercourse.
Because if you really love anyone including yourself, that's what you should be doing.

We always recommend that anyone who's sexually active should regularly have a full STD panel done -- at least annually and every six months is even better.

As  to your symptoms, instead of wailing about them, just go to see your doctor and find out what they're about. There is certainly nothing in anyway HIV specific about what you are describing.

Andy Velez


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