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Author Topic: Big Question, please help.  (Read 4330 times)

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Offline bluenow14

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  • Posts: 3
Big Question, please help.
« on: October 17, 2014, 12:29:27 pm »
I am HIV+ and undetectable. I recently had a sexual encounter with a man who is HIV- . I fully disclosed my status and asked him to google and inform himself before we got together. We got together and had sex using condoms, but for a short time, he performed oral sex on me without any protection. The next day he texted me that he was going to get tested, and I agreed that that would be a good idea. He called me last night and said that the doctors wanted him to take Prep, and he was very freaked out. He kept asking me what the risk was and what he should do? He was very afraid of the side effects the medicines might cause.

I couldn't give him an answer that felt like it would alleviate his fears. Now I feel terrible about this. I'm angry at both myself and at him. I haven't had sex with anyone who is negative for years, for this reason.

I guess my question is does anyone know what the risk is for male to female unprotected oral sex? I would like to tell him something comforting, but I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place with what to say to him. I thought the risk was very low, taking all factors into consideration, and I thought he had decided for himself what the risk was and that he was ok with it. He had months to get the information he needed before we finally got together. I suppose I should have been more informed myself regarding this, but honestly it hasn't come up in my life until now. Just feeling disappointed in myself and in him, as well as angry.

Thanks for listening.

Offline mskandy01

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  • Posts: 17
Re: Big Question, please help.
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2015, 11:00:12 pm »
Google what I just did and it says no he can't get it so it's not from you.

On Aidmap.com it said that giving oral sex to a man is higher risk than receiving it.
Due to the face that they ejaculate, and/or can have cuts,sores or rashes on his penis
Bleeding gums,sores or words in the mouth of the person giving the oral sex.
Or even a sore throat,inflammation or untreated infection in the mouth of the person giving the oral sex.

My personal experience me and my ex-be gave oral all the time back n forth and he never got anything.
Now with my husband I just don't let him to that to me at all.

Hope it helps and good luck.
Oh and Google is my best friend lol

Offline kellybryana

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  • Posts: 99
Re: Big Question, please help.
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2015, 12:23:09 pm »
I've been positive for 5 years and I've had relationships with only HIV- partners and no one has ever contracted this from me. I've had unprotected oral sex and situations where the condom broke, and even times where I fully disclosed my status well ahead of time, and my partner was ok with not using protection for vaginal sex. Still no transmissions. I remain undetectable and I get my check ups and I'm good on all fronts too, in case anyone's curious.

Your partner is just fine. He is freaking out right now which is understandable, but he will be just fine.

Offline Jeff G

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  • Member
  • Posts: 17,064
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Big Question, please help.
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2015, 05:53:40 pm »
Edited to add … just realized this was the woman’s forum so my apology … I will let it go this one time and not give myself a warning though.

No one has ever been infected from getting a blow job or from receiving or performing cunnilingus . He does not PEP and he did not have a risk .

There have been no fewer than three separate serodiscordant couples studies (where one person is HIV positive, the other negative.) These couples were tracked for three. five and ten years. The couples used condoms for penetrative vaginal and anal sex, but NO BARRIER at all for oral sex. Any kind of oral sex.

These studies yielded NO infections.

Quoted from Ann .

Hiv transmission doesn't stand a chance of happening via female genitals to mouth - there are just too many obstacles on the oral route.

The first obstacle is the mouth itself. The mouth is a veritable fortress, standing against all sorts of pathogens we come into contact with every minute of our lives. It's a very hostile environment and saliva has been shown to contain over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv.

Hiv is a very fragile virus - literally. Its outer surface doesn't take kindly to changes in its preferred environment; slight changes in temperature, moisture content and pH levels all damage the outer surface. Importantly, it needs this outer surface to be intact before it can latch onto a few, very specific cell types and infect.

Which leads to the second obstacle. Hiv can only latch onto certain types of cells, cells which are not found in abundance in the mouth.

The third obstacle to transmission this way is having hiv present in the first place. The female secretion where hiv has been shown to be present is the cervicovaginal fluid. This fluid is actually a thick mucus that covers and protects the cervix.

The fluid a woman produces when sexually excited comes from the Bartholin's glands, located on either side of the vaginal opening. I have yet to discover one shred of evidence (and believe me, I've looked) that shows this lubricating fluid to have any more hiv present than other bodily secretions such as saliva, sweat or tears. Saliva, sweat and tears are NOT infectious fluids.

So there you have it. Once the results of the serodiscordant studies started rolling in, what we know about hiv transmission on the cellular level was validated. The only people who were getting infected were those who had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. Period. One of the three studies went on for ten years and involved hundreds of couples. That's a lot of nookie.
« Last Edit: October 20, 2015, 07:23:25 pm by Jeff G »
HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Jazabella

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  • Posts: 11
Re: Big Question, please help.
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2015, 03:28:42 am »
My husband and I use to use Denture dam. It became to where he did not want to use anymore. Use for oral sex.  But he was given Truvada because of the unprotected sex we engage in. My husband is still negative after being married for 32yrs and I have been positive for 30yrs ..


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