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Author Topic: Felt forced to disclose when I wasn't ready...  (Read 2027 times)

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Offline CancerFreeButNowHIV

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  • Posts: 9
Felt forced to disclose when I wasn't ready...
« on: August 28, 2014, 03:16:49 AM »
Just newly diagnosed, and only told my closed family members, my mom and my paternal Aunt. I had appointment today with Doc, thought I would be starting ART meds today, however, my blood resistance testing was not back yet. My mom and aunt had lots of questions, and I thought it best for them to come and meet with the health educator and case manager so that some of their questions and concerns would get answered. I was very comfortable with my Dr. and shared my concerns about some of the things my mom and aunt were asking and thought it best if they hear it for the medical/professional's involved in my case.

My medical team did an amazing job and I feel that they answered or at least helped my family with some great info. My med team made it VERY CLEAR that this is MY disease and it is up to ME and ONLY ME who I want to disclose it to.

Fast forward to this evening, my mom came by my Aunts house where I am staying with her and her husband. I had not told my aunt's husband and I felt there was no need to tell him. I am having enough difficulty accepting this myself and just felt I will only tell those who I need for support.

I was called to please come upstairs, as I did the 3 (my mom, my aunt and my aunts husband) were sitting there. Her husband I don't really know very well, I have not been around him over the years, really only meeting him a few times. I was aske to come in and sit down. Then he said, "I need to know what is going on, why all these appointments and everyone but me knows what it is, so I am out of the loop."

I felt trapped, and because I am living with them for the time being, I did not want to cause anymore stress and share something to private and personal with him. Yet, I felt if I don't, it will cause even more tension.I felt EXTREME pressure and there was no way out... So reluctantly, I told him my positive diagnosis.

Then my Aunt said I need to tell my Father, because she feels she is put in the middle and if he finds out he will be angry that my Aunt knew and did not tell him. She is afraid of his response when he finds out and she didn't tell him.

I am NOT that close to my father, and this is MY diagnosis, MY disease and I don't want to be "forced into telling anyone that I don't feel that they need to know.

We left the hospital and felt good, but then I was a bit blind sided and forced in to a confession and disclose my status this evening that I did not want to share with anyone. Now I am really freaking out that she will tell my Dad and other family members that I had NEVER wanted to share this with.

I guess I'm feeling scared to their response, that they will blame me and some of my personal choices, clearly not the best choices I have ever made! But I am just not that close to my Dad, and don't think there is any reason for him to know.

My Aunt said, she feels caught in the middle and has to explain to her husband, because they don't have "secrets".I was put on the spot and had to disclose my diagnosis, but in no way do I want her or myself to share this with anyone else in the  family or even non family members!

I already know what most of you will say. "This is MY disease and it is up to me to disclose or not to.... but how do I deal with someone I have told and now if wanting to force me to tell other members.... Please advise! Thankyou >:(

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,379
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Felt forced to disclose when I wasn't ready...
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2014, 03:47:38 AM »
Yes it wasn't very nice that you had to tell your uncle.
However, once your mom and aunt had the info, the cat was out of the bag.  Pretty soon the whole family is going to know, in all likelihood. There is nothing much you can do about it but remind people that its your diagnosis to deal with.
You can cut them out or you can communicate as much or as little as you wish. They will come at you with their own needs and agendas about your diagnosis, odd as that is, but you can't control that, you can only control your reaction and communicate to them your preferences.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,423
Re: Felt forced to disclose when I wasn't ready...
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2014, 06:53:49 AM »
hey, just responding so this will stay in my feed. your situation sucks, no way around it, i'm a little ahead of the curve but in your same situation. it doesn't get better, but you'll handle it better. we're all here, i'll talk later with time
I set into a downward spiral
Caught an illness that was literally viral
I heard some words of wisdom the other day
And they went in one ear and out the other one

I awoke from this beatific binge
With prismatic eyes, now lite is tinged
With all the vapors that the vile humans brew
Shining through the blight of you


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