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Author Topic: Changes  (Read 3384 times)

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Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,517
  • 32 years positive, 60 years a pain in the butt
« on: August 13, 2014, 12:27:05 AM »
There are no constants in life, aside from change, or so the old adage states.

This seems to be true.

The past several years have had more than their share of changes.

My mother died from pancreatic cancer.

My job is growing, as does the area I cover. The state now has trained me to be a trainer for the syringe exchange program. So, some new duties are being added.

Helping people transition from whatever they had, or didn't have, to something under the Health Insurance Exchange or expanded Medicaid had me pulling my hair out - and I'm bald.

My best friend, a person with whom I have shared many ups and downs during the past 25 years, is moving away. He was contacted by an old flame, the spark was rekindled and away he is going. i am very happy for him, not so much for me.
We used to do a lot together. People thought we were partners, we were together so much.
He is leaving Sept. 14th, for Hilo, Hawaii, where he and his future husband will be setting up house.

Now, as I mentioned in another thread, my hump, or should I say hump and lumps, are growing back, just a few years after having them surgically removed.

The bottom line here is I am experiencing some degree of depression, which is not something I am accustomed to feeling.

I have visions my becoming more reclusive as I regain my Quasimodo-like appearance.

I have no idea what to expect in the coming months.

I guess it is a good thing I am comfortable with my own company.



"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline absopozilutely

  • Member
  • Posts: 409
  • Love to chat/text/talk/encourage!
Re: Changes
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2014, 12:48:05 AM »
Comfortable with your own company, pssshhhh you have all of us, maybe we just do AMG at your house?! Sounds good to me! Anyways, if you ever want someone to chat with call your darling Abso, I'm always here for you!
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline Jeff G

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  • Member
  • Posts: 17,062
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Changes
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2014, 08:01:22 AM »
I hear you loud and clear about not wanting more surgery but would it be better to do it while its smaller and not so much to remove ? I'm only asking for the possibility you might change your mind down the road . I have no idea if removing it again would further slow the progression down and make a positive impact .

I have some scars my doctor told me could be surgically corrected and I finally made the decision to live with what I have . I want you to know that you have such good positive energy about you that its impossible to be around you and not feel good about life ... when I met you all I saw was a beautiful person inside and out so surgery or not you have it going on my friend . I mean every word of this .
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Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,470
Re: Changes
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2014, 08:08:24 AM »
Oh dearest Mark, I'll forego the platitudes as you've heard them all.  You're one of the sweetest, more caring people I've met.  You give so much that I hope you take the time to accept a little back in kind.  You helped me immensely on my first AMG.  I was just emerging from my deepest, darkest period of living with this disease and your energy was contagious and your genuine caring and concern lightened my heavy heart. 

You're dealing with a lot of losses which is perhaps the most difficult aspect of life.  Hopefully you can recall and reflect back on a few of the awesome memorial speeches that our own Gary shared with us.  Not sure which city, but he shared a message that I immediately wrote down upon arriving home.  It brings great comfort when I find myself in periods of distress or sadness.

You know how to contact many of us and I hope you reach out.

huge hugs buddy!!

Modified to add:  Even by sharing your feelings you've once again helped a fellow LTS.  I've been in a saddened state myself of late and feeling alone and isolated amongst a sea of people.  When someone as strong as you shares these same feelings, it tells me that I'm OK and we all experience this from time to time.

Perhaps I need to fly down yonder and take you out for some delicious lavender martini's and search for some chocolicious.  ;)  At least there are no hills down there like Seattle's just one more block bullshit.  :)
« Last Edit: August 13, 2014, 08:15:42 AM by wolfter »
Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.

Offline mitch777

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,087
Re: Changes
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2014, 11:03:31 AM »
Hey Mark,

Our time together in Chicago was very short but I too remember meeting a beautiful person. Humps, bumps, or lumps wouldn't have changed a thing. Your zest for adventure and your overall good nature always shined through. It was contagious.

Changes can really suck.

No brilliant advice. Just a big hug.

33 years hiv+ with a curtsy.

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,670
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Changes
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2014, 02:13:29 PM »
Dear Mark,  so sorry to hear about ALL of this; the friend moving away is TOUGH, I know.  I know what you went through with your surgeries with the humps and bumps, and I know you don't relish doing that again.   Of course, I love you EXACTLY as you are, but I know it comes down to a question of how much it is affecting your quality of life.  Hopefully, it won't be so bad that you can't deal with it, without drastic measures.

I just read a little in POZ magazine, and I hear we're supposed to be "Kicking ASS" (AIDS Survivor Syndrome).   I may have to kick some "shin" don't think I am up to kicking as high as someone's ass!  ;D

Love you much, Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Online Wade

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,379
Re: Changes
« Reply #6 on: August 14, 2014, 08:55:19 PM »
Hi Mark,
Sorry to hear your humps & lumps are growing back, mine never did,it was also surgically removed, however the fat just moved to my chest,arms and under my chin.which has always perplexed me, I just try to hide it with xx-large t shirts, needless to say no beach for the 5th year ! .  What really surprises me is a lot of the younger medical profession you see in a hospital setting have no idea what lipo is ! I have come to realize we are a part of history, after 25-30 years we have seen it all and are stronger beings for it. I feel I know you through your posts,you are a strong,kind person and quite the trooper ! Your honesty gives us all strength,and is somehow comforting to know we are not alone. Thank You ! Hopefully soon they will figure this out ,or at least give us all a free trip to the beauty parlor !!

  Be Well my friend,  Bubba
HIV 101 - Basics
 HIV 101
 You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
 HIV Transmission and Risks
 You can read more about Testing here:
 HIV Testing
 You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
 You can read more about HIV prevention here:
 HIV prevention
 You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
 PEP and PrEP

Offline LongTimeSurvivor

  • Member
  • Posts: 242
  • I don'no...there may be Zombears...in theres...
Re: Changes
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2014, 07:31:22 PM »
Aztecan...get the surgery now. It'll be less traumatic and you'll skip the hermit life for a bit longer. I know it's a pain but doing it now might incur less pain. I mean, if the insurance will pay for it...stick it to them!!!

But then, hey, what do I know...I'm having a quarter of my head cut loose and moved.
Of course it's important. It's an email...


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