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Author Topic: FEELING SO AWFUL AND LOST!!!  (Read 1584 times)

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Offline sohurt143

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« on: April 02, 2014, 09:14:10 PM »
Before I begin my story I would like to take full responsibility for my actions. I am a 27 year old male and I blame myself for this and no one else.

11 days ago I was at a bar and I ran into my friend, she is 23. She came back into my college town to visit before she goes to grad school in Florida. Well we have been friends for 4 years and we have always been JUST friends. She always confided in me and told me alot of the issues she had faced in life.

Well, that night, We were both extremely drunk and went back to my place and started off with having protected sex, however at some point i got whisky dick, which means i could not remain errect because i was too drunk and then she proceded to give me unprotected oral sex. I still could not be errect and then we moved onto my bed with no condom on. She started giving me a hand job while i was ontop of her and then at some point my penis slipped into her vagina and I came within 10 to 15 seconds and then i  remained still for about  7 more seconds and then i pulled my penis out. Unfortunately she was in her period at this time.

Now I immediately felt absolutely horrible for what happened and i immediately asked her about her sexual history, and she told me she had been tested and did not have any STDs but had had UTI's in the past. Which I think i have from her now because i started experiencing a tingling stinging sensation in my penis 4 days later. SO 6 days later i went to the clinic and they gave me anti-biotics (cipro) and i had a blood test for sphylllis, and herpes , *(type 2), trhichomoniasis and chlamydia and gonorrhea (maybe it is causing my tingling sensation) i get the results back tomorrow.   i am extremely nervous especially since i am having these symptomps

i am also frightened beyond words for my HIV test in 6 weeks. I am approaching my 2 week mark and i cannot eat or sleep. i know she has had unprotected sex since her last test and my mind is killing me so much over this, especially since we had sex during her period.

I don't know what  i am going to tell my parrents. I am a PhD student and i have 2 years left and I cannot believe i was so stupid as to do what i have done..i have been crying and i just feel so awful...and also with this tingling sensation in my penis shaft it really makes me feel so awful...i really hope that tests tommorow will at least point me in the right direction..i am on anti biotics now (day 2) and i am hoping it will at least help a little..

i know my chances for testing negative are very low. I already asked her if she was positive and she said no and became really angry and told me "when your tests come out fine don't be surprised" but i want her to re-test but she isnt talking to me anymore..it is awkward because we were friends..i can't believe we had sex..i know she also has engaged in many sexual encounters..but i cannot use her results to determine mine..i am just so scared..i guess i am pretty convinced i am now Positive... :(

i just need some words of calm and re-assurance no matter what i get...i thank you all

Offline Joe K

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« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2014, 09:27:33 PM »
You will not know your status until you test, so find something else to do while you wait.  Asking a partner their status, or worse, insisting that they test for HIV is no way to determine YOUR status, as only testing will tell you.  It also does not help for you to cast your partner in such a negative light, because it is not the person you  have sex with, it is WHAT YOU DO together.

You had unprotected sex and you can test 6 weeks past your last incident and then at 3 months to confirm the results.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to HIV testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start.  As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine HIV tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than HIV.  Some of the other STDs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid HIV infection. It really is that simple!


Offline sohurt143

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« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2014, 01:33:39 PM »

Thank you for the words and the advice. It has been 22 days since the incident and it has been a very dark and painful 22 days. There is not a minute, not a moment that goes by that I do not hate myself for going out that night. Making the decisions that I did and pretty much infecting myself with the Virus.

I went to get tested for Syphilis, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Herpes and Trichomoniaisis. All of it came back negative. I was really surprised because I could have sworn I had contracted one of those. But either way my joy lasted but a few fleeting hours for I know that the true virus, the HIV has not been tested.

I have been thinking a lot and please no one judge me for what I am about to say but It is the only option I have right now. I am on my own, no parents around to take care of me (i will be 100% disowned if they find out what's happened to me) and no siblings around (they will disown me too). I have been feeling weak and tired this week for no reason, and I woke up one night with a night sweat. I am pretty sure these are signs of seroconversion.

However I have decided to abstain from sex, and if i ever do it again (which i doubt) i will wear a condom 100% of the times. I will not want to pass anything on to anyone. As far as testing. I just can't do it now or anytime in the future. I am too scared and when/if i do get a positive result, I will break down and i don't trust myself with what i could do to myself. I hate to say this but this is just how it is.
Therefore I am going to wait and wait and wait till I'm practically so sick that i have to get tested that I will to collect my positive results.

all the best everyone....goodbye

Offline sohurt143

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« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2014, 01:39:29 PM »
also, I am NOT looking for mercy. I screwed up and I am going to pay the price. The girl i slept with, i ran into her the other day. I told her about those negative results i collected and she was like "i dont understand why you don't trust me" but i could not summon myself to ask her again about her HIV status...i know you can't base ur results on someones else's status but heck..it helps to know.!

Offline Jeff G

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« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2014, 02:13:13 PM »
You need to man up and go get tested as Joe advised ... You are being overly dramatic, you made a mistake and had unsafe sex so just go get tested at 6 weeks and again at 3 months just like every other responsible sexually active person should be dong any way .

Im not judging you, just telling it like it is . If you are that emotionally fragile that you cant take a HIV test then take this opportunity to get some therapy . If you go get tested in a facility that offers pretesting and post HIV test counseling you will have the support there you need to get through this . Stop making excuses and do what you need to do to get past this ... all of your anxiety will fade as soon as you get the test done so just go do it at the appropriate time .         
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