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Author Topic: Found out 10 days ago  (Read 2847 times)

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Offline overseaman

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Found out 10 days ago
« on: March 20, 2014, 02:47:17 PM »
Hey y'all
wanted to share my story and sorry for my broken english.
I found out 10 days ago during  check up (long overdue annual hiv testing).
I had bad cold that lasted for 4 weeks and since I had not taken the annual hiv test I wanted to check both.
The center I tested in did a rapid test and he ask me after 10 minutes if I had an objection for syphilis testing as well as chlamydia and gonhorea, when I went to the bathroom to urinate I knew the test was positive but being always safe, I still had hopes. It came back reactive, I asked the tester to run it again and again positive. When I left I got a oral test which also turned reactive. I was in shock, shaking all over, I called my bf to let him know and he started to cry but was very supportive. I have to say I was out of the state at that time of diagnosis and I took an appointment with a ID Dr as soon as I got back, he draw another blood test which was confirmed positive three days later and I had my numbers yesterday. VL 2450 and CD4 380. he says I've been poz for several months but my last test was in Nov 2012 (they did the nucleic acid test as part of their protocol).

It is hard to believe. Why me, I had few encounters less than 6 since the last test. I've always been  maniac about checking the condom afterward to make sure it was not broken. (when I had sex with someonelse)
It is hard, my state of mind  is fluctuating - despair cause I know my live is gonna change forever, there is no going back (being a healthcare professional I know at least a dozen a ways to end my life without pain and I was really tempted to bring  back few vials of insulin from the hospital yesterday)
sometimes I feel I need to be positive and show some hope at least for my bf's sake. I'm so fortunate that I did not infect my bf who is everything to me and has been extremely suportive; he told me the hardest thing for him now is to see me struggling between suicide and treatment. I'm happy he is negative but I keep telling my self "what if you had infected him" - we dont use protection together.
I've lost 3 pounds since the first test came back reactive.
I will start atripla tomorrow and asked for my bf to come with me at the Dr visit  I feel like starting the treatment is the last step towards accepting the diagnosis.
I dont undertsand that my vl is so low, my Dr says it means I probably got infected months ago eventhough it is hard to believe for me because I always used protection, except for oral sex and with my bf.

I've reading your post since the first test came reactive, my bf says I need to get out of the house and talk.
I feel ashamed and hopeless and will discuss my suicidal ideations with the MD tomorrow.

thansk again for reading me and thanks to the moderator for letting me post

2004-2012 annual check up: negative
11/07/2012 Neg
? infection
? seroconversion
03/07/2014 Positive
03/19/2014 VL 2450 CD4 380 (42%)

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,398
Re: Found out 10 days ago
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2014, 07:03:46 PM »
Welcome. Your English is fine. That you found this site is good and that you have a doctor and supportive boyfriend is excellent.

Once you settle your mind you'll be able to adjust to the attention your virus requires.

You will be fine. While we can all understand the shame and hopelessness, we can also assure you that you will move beyond those feelings.

Like dealing with anything in life that is shocking, you will adjust, strengthen and help someone else.

« Last Edit: March 20, 2014, 07:16:48 PM by emeraldize »

Offline overseaman

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Found out 10 days ago
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2014, 02:15:18 AM »
thanks Em,
thank you for your kind words, I widh I was 3 months from now, all adjusted and coping, I know it is gonna be a rough patch.
my bf keeps telling me he loves me and I'm very fortunate from that stand point.
I contacted the guys I had sex with and told them to get tested.
Life must go on

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,174
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Found out 10 days ago
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2014, 05:29:41 AM »
Hi there

Welcome to the forums you will find the answers to almost anything you need to know about HIV right here.

This is my standard reply to new comers, I hope it helps in some small way.

Reaction to the results is different for everyone, but over time you will find a way of coping with the virus that suits you and it might be quite different from how others deal with it.

No one here will ever tell you it's easy, it's ok to get angry or scared but don't let it take over your life, stress is natural it can actually help some of us get through certain situations but excessive stress can cause you physical symptoms and can damage your immune system further, just find ways to manage any stress you may be feeling, learn to relax and listen to your body.
Along with HIV comes anxiety and one way of tackling this is through information. gaining confidence in yourself and making informed decisions about your future.

Support is very important and you can get this from a qualified ID doctor , family and friend that you trust and there are many support organizations out there...just make sure whoever you discuss this with is sympathetic, supporting and  non judgmental about your HIV status.

Most important of all you have to remember that being HIV+ does not stop you from being the person you were before your diagnosis.

You are lucky to have that special person by your side.

Take care
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.


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