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Author Topic: Someone Please Return My Sanity  (Read 1824 times)

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Offline betterdaysahead22

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  • Posts: 31
Someone Please Return My Sanity
« on: February 15, 2014, 01:08:30 AM »
Okay - I am freaking. The hell. Out. I'm a hetero female in my early 20s and I'm undetectable. So in this scenario I have this going for me.

BUT. I was recently sleeping with a guy on a casual basis and I always always told him to wear a condom. To my knowledge he did every time .... but he didn't know I was positive. In my country laws dictate that I don't need to tell the person so long as protection is used, and I chose not to in this instance because people I work with could find out through him.

Setting aside whatever your morals tell you in this situation, please keep in mind that I insisted on protection. We had a falling out recently and stopped seeing each other ... and now I saw on Facebook that he's in hospital, because he's "just really sick". And one of his friends commented and said "it sucks you got so sick so fast".

I know the  risk level is super minimal, I know it's virtually impossible, but dear God I am terrified I've fucked up. Someone please rationalise with me. I've made contact with him asking how he is but I haven't heard back yet :/

Offline Irish Eyes

  • Standard
  • Member
  • Posts: 481
  • A closed mind is a beautiful thing to lose
Re: Someone Please Return My Sanity
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2014, 01:43:14 AM »
I'm newly dx and from what I've learned in the last few months is, if a condom was used you did not expose him.
I realise the guilt is worse than the dx and unless you find out why he's in hospital there is no telling what ails him. More than likely it is something totally unrelated. Rarely if ever does seroconversion lead to hospitalization. Typical sero symptoms include any or all of the following, similar to having flu, aches and pains, loss of appetite, rash, lethargy.
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43
11.26.2014      CD4 1350 33%
01.26.2015.     VL 27
01.26.2015      VL <20
06/03/2015      VL 28
06/03/2015      CD4 1135 42%
12/10/2015      VL 27
12/10/2015      CD4 1111 36% cd8+tcell 1058 34%
06/23/2016      VL 49
06/23/2016      CD4 1255 41% cd8+tcell 882 29%

Offline tednlou2

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  • Posts: 5,731
Re: Someone Please Return My Sanity
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2014, 01:59:34 AM »
His illness could be any number of things.  From what I've read, the H1N1 strain of the flu is responsible for something like 90% of illness.  And, that strain often times hits younger people much worse.  Could be flu or any number of things. 

I understand the worry.  When my partner doesn't feel well, there is still that part of me that wonders whether he's sick, due to getting infected.  But, you used a condom, you're UD, and negative folks get sick everyday. 

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 13,362
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Someone Please Return My Sanity
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2014, 05:07:30 AM »
You are undetectable and used condoms.  So highly likely that you could not transmit HIV.
Nobody has a cystal ball or golden perfect ouiji board to figure out whats wrong with your ex - lover.

Why are you terrified? You respect the law.  And you have safe sex. 

You have to work on this going forward.  You don't want this guy as a lover so he's not the guy you can work on your fear with.  THE NEXT GUY - maybe you should disclose and see if that helps you get over the ruminative thoughts / fears that sex with you is dangerous.   I dunno. I don't have the answer.  Do you have an answer?  Anyway you can see yourself as not a walking potential HIV infection?  Its not all that easy to transmit, considering your sexual practices and your being undetectable...
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 05:09:50 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline betterdaysahead22

  • Member
  • Posts: 31
Re: Someone Please Return My Sanity
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2014, 03:41:25 AM »
Oh you guys, and your tolerance of my nonsensical hysteria. I'd be in an asylum without you lot i swear <3
Well i went to see him today under the guise of saying I hadn't had my period in a while, and asking if he was definitely sure the condom never came off. He promised it never had, nor had it broken and nor had he tried to start it and then stopped. So I'm feeling much better. Also despite the fact that the doctor still wanted bloods, they discharged him after a day and diagnosed him definitely with glandular fever, pneumonia and a chest infection. COnsidering they had no effing idea what was up with me when i was seroconverting, I'd say things might be okay now. Might. Touch wood :)

Also Mecch yeah I have tried to be honest most of the time, but sometimes I just want to remember what it's like for the other half. I never do this unless I'm sure I wont be serious about them though, which was not the case for the guy I'm currently seeing. He knows and it was an obstacle for a while, but now he seems to really, really like me and care about me, and be absolutely absent concern where our sex life is concerned. And that does make me feel like I'm not dangerous or a contaminant. In fact it makes me feel just plain great :)


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