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Author Topic: confused  (Read 3549 times)

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Offline Whitney

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« on: December 26, 2013, 08:20:25 PM »
Hello everyone im kinda new to this ive been looking at everybodys post on here and it is really touching well I wanted to share my store as well im scared confused and very emotional just feel alone alot of times well it all began a couple months when I went to the dentist before I got my tooth pulled the dentist asked me would I like to take a hiv test well I said yeah but didnt think anything of it well after they swabed my mouth I went home the dentist called and said I need to cum back up cause my hiv test showed pos but not exactly in those words so I rushed back to the office Nd took another test it came back pos as well man that felt like the end of my life so I went home and cryed and cryed and cryed until I couldn't cry anymore I met with the health department and they did a western blot and blood witch came back pos im just so scared omg I just dont know what to do the only thing thats keeps going threw my mind is death omg I just cant keep this off my mind I asked myself why :'(..... my boyfriend took one and was pos as well we are planning to stick threw this together but he keeps saying I gave him this nasty disease I just cant believe he would put this on me. Omg we went to the doc and got blood counts and got started on complera
My cd4 is 423 vl 14000 as his is 328 vl 7000 im just confused on the hole virus need some type of help does this mean I gave it to him need answers plz

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: confused
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2013, 09:09:30 PM »
You have been on medicine a month now so I'm guessing its 2 or so that you have known?
What exactly are you confused about?
Have you read the lessons on this site? Have you learned much about HIV. Where are you getting information?


Its normal to be scared of the disease but the only way out of your circular thinking about death is to learn about HIV and its treatment. You're going to be fine on treatment.

I am very sorry that your boyfriend is angry and accusative. Its not helpful at all.

You realise there is no way for any of your fellow forums.poz members to tell how you two ended up positive.  You are going to have to trace that back between the two of you. There may be no answer, but there might be, if you patiently and honestly trace back your sex practices with other people.  A lot of time, there is no clear answer though.  For example, either of you ever had HIV negative test results in the past, before you both got tested HIV+?? 

Usually a couple has to decide to go forward and not look back into blaming and shaming.  Even if you find out who had HIV first, you will still have to just decide to love each other today and for the future, without blame. Otherwise you can't go forward.
« Last Edit: December 26, 2013, 09:12:49 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Whitney

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Re: confused
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2013, 09:22:25 PM »
I am confused about a l lot of things I think of my life spand I dont have any children im scared for that to im only 27 my last neg test was 2 years ago I think to myself how long have I had this his last neg test was 5 yrs ago we been together for 2 1/2 yrs we go see tue doc again on the 30th for more blood work. Ive read up on the disease but around here where im from it seems like a lot of people have it the # on hiv is growing I know a lady that uad it fod only like 7 yrs and she has passed away thats what scares me I dont wanna be like her thats all just a lot to deal with

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: confused
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2013, 10:21:14 PM »
You have had it for less than 2 years then.  And your numbers were OK when you started HAART - tri-therapy - one month ago. You are going to do very well. The latest thinking is a near normal lifespan. And things for HIV+ folks with access to treatment - just keep getting better.

You are quite young, there will be continued improvement - you can count on that, when you are 37 the health prognosis will be even better for HIV+ folks. When you are 47, in 20 years, who knows, we will probably be experiencing different kinds of very long term, low impact interventions to keep the virus permanently at bay.

Where are you, if you care to say?

Don't go comparing yourself to this person who died with 7 years of HIV.  Its not fair to yourself. Its also not fair to people who read your thread, here, because you don't provide ANY details about why this person died. Do you even know? 
A 7-year lifespan is NOT THE NORM for people with HIV today, who have access to treatment.

As I said, knowledge will be your power out of all this anguish and anxiety. Knowledge, sticking to treatment.

P.S. HIV+ people can have children...

I think you will start to feel better when you get your next results. Even if you are no undetectable yet, you will see your viral load will be radically reduced already and you will be on your way to rebuilding your immunity.

Besides the psychological challenges, how are you feeling in your body?
« Last Edit: December 26, 2013, 10:23:18 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Whitney

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  • Posts: 7
Re: confused
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2013, 06:19:37 PM »
I really dont feel to bad I I go to the doc tomorrow and hopping my labs are good I been drinking a little bit to no think of this but besides I feel normal I think it is just the thought that really messes me up

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 13,367
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: confused
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2013, 06:41:44 PM »
Ok keep us posted.

If you read this before you see you doc tomorrow, since you mentioned the drinking here......  if you feel its too much drink, just do deal with stress, mention it to your doc, please. 

There are other ways to deal with anxiety - pills, therapy, exercise, etc.

I agree a drink can help but, at least in my own experience, I have turned to other things provided by doctors, like a year here or there when I took antidepressants and sometimes now I will take a "benzo" for anxiety, or maybe a sleeping pill when my mind rolls before bed and I should really just go to sleep.

Of course talk therapy and also exercise are probably the best methods...
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx


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