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Author Topic: Stuggling  (Read 3128 times)

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Offline Pricho01

  • Member
  • Posts: 58
« on: December 01, 2013, 05:06:49 PM »
Hi I don't post on here a lot.... but I like to keep up with what people have to say...

I am finding that recently having HIV has "hit me" for the first time. The thing is I was diagnosed in 2005 and have always been able to get by.... and remain fairly positive.

Maybe its because I just hit 40...?

I am not sure but I feel so disappointed in myself and I am actually finding myself feeling scared about what the future will offer me as I age... how is it possible that my having HIV is now so scary??? almost 10 years later? Is this PTSD which I have read other people have struggled with??

I am also really lonely, I have had a few issues (mentally/addiction which has been resolved with meds and abstinence) and don't find making friends easy. I find myself sitting alone in my apartment most days, maybe I have too much time on my hands?

Does anyone else feel like this? What did you do to reduce the fear? Just venting I suppose... Not after sympathy, just a bit taken aback about why this is happening... fear is a horrible thing... Anyone?
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! Sincerely, The Opportunist

Offline Dan0

  • Member
  • Posts: 577
Re: Stuggling
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2013, 05:33:20 PM »
The Big '40'! Honestly, I have more issues with being over 40 than being HIV positive. When you realize you now have more moisturizers in the bathroom cupboard than aspirin or you have to get bifocals, it stinks! Every hair replacement commercial you inadvertently find your hand on the back of your head without even thinking about it. That's what annoys me - but I also realize that it's inevitable.

The goal is to take as good of care of yourself now so that later on you (hopefully) won't have a rough go of it. I've met some great people at the gym and it certainly beats watch Law & Order re-runs!

Went through the same...getting older is a challenge!

« Last Edit: December 01, 2013, 05:37:26 PM by Dan0 »
"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

06/2002 DX
10/2006 Atripla UD
10/2013 Stribild Still UD
04/2016 Genvoya UD

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,381
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Stuggling
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2013, 11:34:30 PM »
Probably the 40 strikes you as a change in stage of life. I don't think the isolation is helping you at all.
Do you work? If not, are you able to work or what's the situation?  Getting out and contributing yourself to common projects, other people's needs, having that exchange, its very life affirming and helps with energy levels.
Work got me through rough patches, a gross breakup of a long-term relationship, losing friends because of that, then an HIV diagnosis, then some other shit, blah blah blah blah. There's always work and I know I can give something useful and get something back.  I know its not enough but its something. A routine, a mind change, a network of relationships that isn't that invasive...
If you can't work, then still, something like work, some kind of participation in a group that isn't necessarily friends, either. Some cause, etc. 
That's my suggestion.
40 is considered oldish for being a young person. Its considered quite young for being an old person.  You still got a lot of life in you and a lot to offer and a lot to receive.
If you do work and the question is about sitting at home afterwork or the weekends, maybe start a new project. Get a degree. Learn a language.  Do some creative project where you have to go out of the house.  Or do some volunteer work.  Coach a team. Whatever.
« Last Edit: December 01, 2013, 11:37:46 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Dan0

  • Member
  • Posts: 577
Re: Stuggling
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2013, 03:10:55 AM »
How are you doing? I'm not certaint if you even have intenet/phone....if you do, please let us know. You're not alone.
"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

06/2002 DX
10/2006 Atripla UD
10/2013 Stribild Still UD
04/2016 Genvoya UD

Offline OneTampa

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,782
  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: Stuggling
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2013, 08:00:50 AM »
Hello Pricho,

I understand your post. 

Mecch makes some very good suggestions. I am coming up on 29 years HIV positive and turned 60 this year and have done and am doing some of this things he listed (completed Masters degree, continue to work, do side interest gigs and mingle with a few family members and friends and just get out of the house).

Wishing you the best.
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."


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