Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 21, 2017, 04:29:53 PM

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Posts: 722621
  • Total Topics: 58728
  • Online Today: 343
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 AM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 313
Total: 318


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Anxious and Positive and Scared  (Read 3238 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline positivelyscared313

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Anxious and Positive and Scared
« on: November 05, 2013, 10:37:49 PM »

Offline ronaguon

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Anxious and Positive and Scared
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2013, 10:50:49 PM »
You will be okay!  With all the new advances in medication/treatments, you can and will have a "normal" life.  You are not alone!

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,695
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Anxious and Positive and Scared
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2013, 05:29:51 AM »
Sane reaction.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline positivelyscared313

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Anxious and Positive and Scared
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2013, 12:33:53 AM »
I found out I was Poz on 23 Oct 2013. I went to the doctor due to a soar throat, swollen gland in neck. I requested a full STD test including HIV because  the guy I dated previously called and told me he had a "skin Infection" and I should get checked out. seemed fishy to me, ya know. I thought I'd come out syphilis- then BOOM...
I took it well as possible. No tears, screaming or punching. The next day, I went to an ID clinic. Of course they said all the things they would typically say to an infected person. I'm thinking man just tell me how long do I have...
I know that there have been some great accomplishments in treatment, but in my mind, I see scenes from Philadelphia, pics of Rock Hudson. I remember the ridicule...years ago, a friend had a friend w/ HIV. I can remember her bleaching the toilets, giving her disposable cups and flatware. This was back in the nineties. I don't want that. I have decided not to tell any of my family or friends. If they knew, they will slowly distance themselves from me. My in laws would try to take my child(10 y/o) away- as if I am putting her at risk.
I am just so pissed. pissed at myself- pissed for letting someone have this control over me. The person who infected me will not admit they are infected. I said I would wait for the Health department to contact me (ID said they would be calling me) so I can give them their name. I just don't want anyone else to get infected. It is not fair. This may not prevent him form doing this to anyone else- but at least he'd be on record.
I cannot worry about that now...I rcvd a call from the ID nurse who said I have a very healthy immune system- did not give any numbers. I want to know. She has not returned my calls re: my FMLA paperwork- that she suggested I get in case I need to go to an appointment and needed the day off. I just do not know what to do.
When I look at myself in the mirror, I see the letters H I V traveling through my veins. When I see blood, I see Infectious, death. I wonder If people can tell I have HIV  by looking at me. I constantly ask myself- can they tell.
I felt so fatigued for the last couple of weeks. I was unable to eat. I still find it a little hard. I have to force myself to eat. I still take my vitamins- multi, d, c, and fish oil. I stopped Echinacea because I read that it can cause the virus to multiply(?). I find myself crying off and on, thinking how I will never be in another relationship again. I will never have another life partner. Who is going to want to mess with me- to deal with this? Most of all, I am angry at myself, I knew better, and now it is possible I may not see my daughter walk across the stage to get her diploma-degree-marriage. I have dealt her the short end of the stick. I suck. if it was not for her, I would be dead. I would have killed myself after finding out I was poz- eventually. If she wasn't here........
Sorry if too long. Thank you for allowing me to rant/vent. I found this site the day I rcvd the news- it has been very helpful knowing there are people who have lived and continue living with this disease.
Thanks for sharing.
More to come...

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,695
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Anxious and Positive and Scared
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2013, 02:45:11 PM »
That is an excellant example off a Dam Good Vent , get it out, as a LTS I could point out that you are very wrong about your forecast for the future , but I will not linger on that. What I will stress is you have a medical condition NOT a moral judgement , somewhere you also know that , please remind your self off it as soon as the moral choir turn up for a sing song.

Congrats on giving your ex sexual partners name to the INfection control people .

You are going to see your daughter learn to curl her lip at you and say  whatever,  slam the door in a way that you hate, worry you sick by staying out late and the 101 good things Mums and Dads have.

Your in laws will continue to be her Grandparents , no more no less.
The film Philideathia is a historical depiction off Hiv , it is not the script off your life.

So I will end my welcome by sending you a great big cyber hug. Keep posting .
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2017 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.