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Author Topic: it's been hard the past few years  (Read 1762 times)

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Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 470
it's been hard the past few years
« on: November 04, 2013, 08:44:01 AM »
I haven't been on here for quite a few years as I''ve had many little demons running mock with my head. Where do I begin as I have so much to share?

Since 2009 everything has crumbled into pieces as my hopes and fears all collided at the same time. First I lost my Dad to Cancer, seven months later my cousin also to cancer. 2011 I lost my Mom also to heart failure, the day after my mom passed my uncle died in theater with a knee operation had three heart attacks in a row.

May 2012 i lost my grandfather who had organ failure. On my birthday in September  my grandmother passed away from old age she was 82 at the time. In the process I''ve lost my two brothers and a sister who committed fraud by stealing from the estate their attitudes are that I'm dying of hiv so why should i get anything. Though here i am still going strong with a CD4 count of 830 an still undetectable for the last two years.

Working for the same company for 6 years now, who is giving me promotions but at the same rate of pay a year and a half ago, seems the attitude I'm getting is since you need the job just keep your mouth shut and do as you are told. Yes the company knows that i am hiv positive.

Also have changed meds from truvada/stocrin to atripla now medical aid insists that i change to odimune or a co payment will be charged. Lately I am so tired energy when i get home just want to sleep but once i'm in bed my tiredness is gone.

Good to see most of the guys still here missed you plenty.

To all who lost the fight my heart goes out to those left behind may you rest in peace.


« Last Edit: November 04, 2013, 09:13:27 AM by Angel-Ronnie »
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it - Charles Swindoll
2012-04-23 CD4=847 VL=125 CD4%=29
06-02-2013 CD4=990 VL=<20 CD4%=28
05-07-2013 CD4=869 VL=<20 CD4%=30
05-12-2013 CD4=859 VL=262 CD4%=28
03-05-2014 CD4=743 VL=<20 CD4%=28
30-09-2014 CD4=291 VL=33 CD4% =30
24-02-2015 CD4 1065 VL=1814 CD4%=30
22-07-2015 CD4=974 VL=<20 CD4%=32
19-01-2016 CD4=940 VL=<30 CD4%=33
11-07-2016 CD4=646 VL=<30 CD4%=26
11-01-2017 CD4=749 VL=<30 CD4%=29
27-06-2017 CD4=948 VL=<30 CD4%=32

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,362
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: it's been hard the past few years
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2013, 09:55:13 AM »
My great-grandmother used to insist "death comes in 3" in a family (but our family always disproved it).  Holy cow those are entire generations passing away! I'm very sorry about that.
And then all the money gouging, and revolting "justification" for such, its enraging. Don't forget, besides HIV and perhaps your combo, sustained emotional trauma can sap all one's energy. 
I know its all together overwhelming.  I gingerly suspect and suggest you are going to have to unpack the momentous challenges and changes in order to be able to find solutions and get out from under these tremendous weights.
Its not easy but try to keep the challenges in different "columns".

Death and loss, bereavement in the family.

Siblings being assholes, gross, immoral, and perhaps illegal about inheritance.

Workplace mobbing.

Living with HIV and personal health - mental and physical.

I have on observation about the last one.  You have NOT had a combination change. The change to Atripla meant nothing to your system, nor will the change to Odimune, a generic Atripla. Its always the same drugs - Truvada (which is 2 drugs) and Sustiva (stocrin).  The change to Odimune will mean nothing -- as far as keeping you undetectable.
But it sounds to me that you need to start advocating for a real change in medicine... Is this the ONLY combination available in South Africa?  (I just assumed South Africa because I googled odimune.....) 
The sestina that has ALWAYS been in your combo, might well be contributing to the fatigue.

However, you made a point that as soon as you are home, you want to go to bed, but then you are no tired...  One hypothesis here would well be that you are depressed and overwhelmed by the negative situations above....  I have felt like that in my life a few times. Crawled home from abusive work, to a unsatisfying personal life, and wanted to crawl into bed... My solution was to get expert help and slowly take back each area where I felt out of control.

So, I would like to ask, how is your access to these professionals?
1) therapist. Therapist to help you put order in all this and compartmentalise enough so you can function. Making priorities to keeps some areas on standby while you put limited energy in others, to help resolve.
2) lawyer...  Because you should get legal help on both the job discrimination and the sibling theft!
3) professional / trade protection - for the workplace abuse
and 4) doctor or health advocate who can help you find more neutral combination, if sestina is a suspected contributor to your current state of mind...

as for 3) professional/trade protection:

- when I was specifically mobbed at work, i finally didn't need to pay for a lawyer. I got advice from the independent "arbitrator" who was obliged to see me, about how to deal with the emotional aspects of workplace injustice. And I got advice from a municipal office that had power in my profession about what my legal rights were. 

I went to Human Resources and presented the injustice and after a few months of silence, they came back with a turnaround.  In the meantime, I also found a new job, with slightly better pay, and despite the correction that HR finally offered me, I was able to tell them to fuck off, and quit.  I think the new job happened because fighting and winning about injustice in the old one was changing my professional "energy" from negative to positive and either I found a solution because of that, or in combination with just how "energy" flows in life.  Life gave me a solution because I needed it and society somehow "knew" that, because i was fighting for myself.

Also remember, sadly that workplace mobbing, abuse, can be systemic. If you discover that your company is thoroughly corrupt, it can be beyond one employee to change it. Sometimes we can get our rights restored, but the workplace remains corrosive and draining. When HR gave me the corrective, the HR director told m the abuse wouldn't necessarily stop, nor the abusive manager fired... After I left, the abuse turned onto a colleague. Who a year later had a complete breakdown/burnout and was in a clinic for treatment, then unable to work for a year. Completely drained of energy.... (see energy discussion, below.)  And then went back to work with "protection" but STILL the abusive manager was not fired.... 

You are going to have to fight on a few fronts to get back all your energy. I'm sending you all my best wishes for doing so....

Also, there are a few people in this forum who, unfortunately have had the same disgusting behaviour by siblings about estates, money, and HIV.  I hope they pipe in with some solutions...  I'm pretty sure most solutions require lawyers though.

Remember, you did nothing to merit any of this abuse and you are very strong. 

These people and their self-centredness and abuse, they can make your life miserable.  We have to rise above it and be stronger, even if only in our spirit, because unfortunately its practically EVIL in circulation - such discrimination -- and its possible that such nasty types and behaviour -- they crush the life out of others.  These are vampires and they will drain every last ounce of your life force.  That is my overall take on such situations... There is a way not to let them drain your energy, even if they continue to be vampires... They have to go sucking energy and abusing other people.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2013, 10:15:52 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 470
Re: it's been hard the past few years
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2013, 10:39:05 AM »
Hi Mecch,

I think i'm past the sibling crap, a case of you want take it if it makes them feel better or more sly. It is earthly materialistic we can't take it with us when we pass on to the spirit world.

Work is getting the best of me as I'm at work 5:30 to the16:00 Monday's to Friday's even 've to work some weekends to. When a staff member leaves i get tasked to do their work too, now currently I'm at doing 5 people's work, manager and directors excuse is that i am the best worker they have, scrap more like  the willing horse gets whipped more every day. They made me logistics manger but compensation has not changed to match the position i have.

Well i guess that maybe it is time to discuss how i feel with my id doc and see if i can change my regime. Numbers are good just tired of being tired.

I think if it was not for my partner i would have lost my marbles 5 years ago. He is negative and i the positive one. I've learned that if it makes them happy go for it because the time will come when i find a new job then it will be too late to match.

Thanks for the advise will deffinately use it.


Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it - Charles Swindoll
2012-04-23 CD4=847 VL=125 CD4%=29
06-02-2013 CD4=990 VL=<20 CD4%=28
05-07-2013 CD4=869 VL=<20 CD4%=30
05-12-2013 CD4=859 VL=262 CD4%=28
03-05-2014 CD4=743 VL=<20 CD4%=28
30-09-2014 CD4=291 VL=33 CD4% =30
24-02-2015 CD4 1065 VL=1814 CD4%=30
22-07-2015 CD4=974 VL=<20 CD4%=32
19-01-2016 CD4=940 VL=<30 CD4%=33
11-07-2016 CD4=646 VL=<30 CD4%=26
11-01-2017 CD4=749 VL=<30 CD4%=29
27-06-2017 CD4=948 VL=<30 CD4%=32


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