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Author Topic: My destructive relationship! I'm HIV+ he was HIV-  (Read 2355 times)

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Offline Patricks13

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My destructive relationship! I'm HIV+ he was HIV-
« on: October 23, 2013, 11:22:23 AM »
I recently decided to jump ship with my HIV- boyfriend.  When we first met it was through a friend and the chemistry was great and it ended in a one night stand.  He persued me and I was so excited he did. I had not yet been tested effectively (meaning I was afraid to get the last test results ) I decided to take him along with me so that we can have an honest start if there was going to be something real.  Well as you probably guessed I tested positive.  Amazingly he said he would stick by me and he did. We stayed together for about a year and a half and within that time my world started crashing down on me.  He wanted all of my friends out of the picture because in his mind their influence was to blame.  I had to give him account of how many people I had been with (he had been with a close amount) I never told any of my friends what was going on and I simply let them believe I chose my boyfriend over them.  He told all of his close friends about me and said some not so nice things. I felt isolated and surrounded by strangers. I thought he would be there for me but it ended up that I had to suck it up and constantly keep his mind at ease about our relationship. I never really got the help and support I needed in the beginning. I put all the chaos that was going on in my head about my status aside. I thought I was doing the right thing for the person I once truly loved. I soon started getting verbally attacked and accused of some really crazy things. Almost everyday I was asked if I was cheating or talking to other guys. Our sex life diminished because even if we simply kissed he would start to say he was positive and he needed to be sure and get tested. Soon even the local clinic new my life through him. Things escalated when he would drink and he would smash and break things and call me things such as whore and other disgusting things and it even got some what physical many times. I tried to leave him but I felt so alone and had no one to turn to because nobody knew what I had been going through. As I learned the type of person I was really with I started to feel he's not the same person I loved. I had exposed all the most intimate details of my life to him and he made me strive to be all these things that I'm not in order for him to accept me because he couldn't accept the HIV.  I even learned he undergone psychiatric therapy growing up but it never dawned on me that it was all related somehow. Finally realizing that it would never get better I began to reconnect with friends and pull away.  This did infuriate him and yes he would call me nasty things and tell me am a loser and won't amount to anything but I had enough. I've been in my new apartment several days and I haven't seen him in weeks. It's a lonely start but the key word is its a Start! A new beginning so that I can finally accept my status and begin to heal and strive to have success in my life. I hope someone out there needed to hear my story.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: My destructive relationship! I'm HIV+ he was HIV-
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2013, 11:31:57 AM »
Well, that definitely sounds like a dreadful situation to be in during your first year post-diagnosis. But in the end it seems disentangling yourself from his manipulative and abusive behavior was the correct decision.

Depending on how lasting the damage is to you mentally you may benefit from seeking out a local HIV+ support group and/or a therapist. The support group will at least allow you an avenue to reach out to kindred people. Sometimes being alone is beneficial because it allows you to focus on yourself, and process all that you just endured with this partner. Perhaps writing out your emotions, etc. in a diary would be helpful, especially while seeing a therapist.

I am sorry that you found yourself in this situation and encourage you to hang around these forums and obtain some support.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline weasel

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Re: My destructive relationship! I'm HIV+ he was HIV-
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2013, 11:58:23 AM »

     Nice to meet you Patricks13 ,
                                                    That is a rather sad story with a good ending .
     It takes a strong person to break free of a cruel person , Having HIV , IMHO makes it even harder for people to let go of bad relationships .
   Often no matter how bad it is , it is more comforting than starting over alone .

                             I know all will work out for you ,
                                                 Be well , Weasel  :)

   P.s.   Your friends will help you , I'm happy for you  .
" Live and let Live "

Offline Chyna855

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Re: My destructive relationship! I'm HIV+ he was HIV-
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2013, 03:42:52 PM »
I am so sorry for what you went through I learned that in life we have to go through something to grow as a person take it as a lesson learned in life. I myself being a transsexual went through that with my ex we got a puppy I put his butt out an kept the puppy that was the best thing I could have ever did.. Keep your head up if you get lonely get a kitty or a dog

Offline pittman

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Re: My destructive relationship! I'm HIV+ he was HIV-
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2013, 08:13:09 PM »
I sometime think that being HIV+ makes some people lower their standards when in fact, if anything, it means you need to raise your standards because there is more to deal with that requires strength of character.

It sounds like he was lacking in many ways, and now he lacking you in his life.  Best wishes for selecting a better future partner.

Offline OneTampa

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Re: My destructive relationship! I'm HIV+ he was HIV-
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2013, 08:36:39 PM »

Sorry to read that you went through such an ordeal.  Board members here have given good advice. 

Wishing you the best.
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaŪto frito."

Offline Theyer

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Re: My destructive relationship! I'm HIV+ he was HIV-
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2013, 02:41:47 PM »
Miss P and everyone have covered well all off the things I could say but heres my Welcome and well done you , that was not a relationship to stay in, but that does not mean its leaving did not hurt , but still good for you.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn


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