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Author Topic: Condom Broke, Insertive Partner  (Read 4765 times)

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Offline salt2233

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Condom Broke, Insertive Partner
« on: October 15, 2013, 09:20:08 PM »
Hello, POZ Community/FORUM!

Gay male here!

About 4 months ago, I had to inevitably end my 3 year relationship with the love of my life, sad but true, turned out he fell out of love and in love with some other dude! There was little closure, but it was definitely a breakup, end of a chapter. It has been difficult for me. Because of the overwhelming heartache, I immediately began to play the field: meaningless sex, pointless dates, lonely nights. And in just 3 months of being single, I had sex with at least 9 different partners... (sigh) but hey, I always used protection! Oral? No condom was used. I might as well be honest ;(

ANYWAY... here it goes...

About 2 weeks ago, sometime late September, I had casual sex with someone I sure as hell don't know; granted, I learned his name after having sex with him, much older than me, too.

After inserting my penis in his rectum (went in for the kill with very little lube), the condom broke making a big pop! That scared me! A lot!

I immediately pulled out and put on a new condom prior to continuing with anal penetration. I asked if we were clear of any sexually transmitted infections or diseases right there and then. He confirmed that he was HIV -. Even before having sex with him, he had informed me he was HIV -, had tested a long time ago ... Just have that icky feeling about it, can't really take his word, especially because he was bothered when I asked him about his HIV status prior to having sex. But obviously that didn't stop me or him. Talk about red flag!

Also, after we had sex, we stayed in touch for a bit. I brought up the incident and asked repeatedly to confirm if he in fact was HIV -. He replied that we were fine, he was STD free. I ended up telling him that I couldn't trust that, so he stopped texting. Done deal.

I must have been inside him, bare, for a total of 3-10 seconds, tops... if that's helpful to you guys... AND I did not cum inside him, at all. Pre-cum? Maybe. Oh, and the condom ripped all the way to the base of my penis, exposing my head and shaft.

Got tested on Oct 7 as a baseline test, rapid test for free at a nice clinic, love staff there... Neg! Yay.

Planning on testing in two weeks, that is on Oct 21... don't know if that would help but oh well...

The truth of the matter is... I am scared, depressed and disappointed in myself. The love of my life left me, and now I have to face with the probability and possibility of being diagnosed with something that will definitely change my life, negatively. Guess I just need the scientific facts, research to back it up, support, guidance and friendship, a piece of advice...

So, am I at great risk?

Thanks in advance.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Condom Broke, Insertive Partner
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2013, 09:35:11 PM »
Its rare for the insertive partner to go on and test positive after a condom break like you described but it was a risk all the same . You can test at 6 weeks past the incident and again at 3 months to confirm the results .

The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. Most who are infected will test positive by 6 weeks. For various reasons a small number will take longer and that is why we follow the CDC recommendation to test at 3 months for a conclusive negative result.
HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline salt2233

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Re: Condom Broke, Insertive Partner
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2013, 12:30:34 AM »
Got it. Thank you.

I stumbled upon this thread: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=44963.0

On August 24, 2012, user Ann said, "I've yet to see the insertive partner test positive following a condom break and I don't expect you to be the first, PEP or no PEP", of course she was referring to the person who originally started the thread.

What are your thoughts on that?

Ultimately, what can I do to have an HIV-free life or a relatively STD-STI-free life for that matter? Is too much protected sex risky sex?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Condom Broke, Insertive Partner
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2013, 01:54:46 AM »
In the ten plus years I have been doing risk assessment on this forum, I have also never seen an insertive partner test positive after a condom break.

HIV is a difficult virus to transmit under the most ideal circumstances (unprotected receptive anal sex) and when you factor in the astonishingly small vulnerable area of the insertive partner (the urethra) and the very few specific cells that HIV can infect (CD4 and certain dendritic cells) you really have a perfect storm situation that has yet to be borne out in any realistic sense.

*modified to add:

Too much protected sex is NOT risky sex. You need to be aware, however, that some STDs can be transmitted through the safest of precautions. Syphilis is one. This is why you ought to get a complete STD panel every six months just to make certain you are free of STDs (or can be properly treated if you are not).

Until you are in a mutually monogamous relationship and have been tested together at the appropriate times, then you need to take precautions and monitor your sexual health.

« Last Edit: October 16, 2013, 02:03:00 AM by jkinatl2 »
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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Re: Condom Broke, Insertive Partner
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2013, 06:42:59 AM »

The only thing I can add to the spot-on advice you've already received is this - don't ever believe what a guy tells you about his hiv status - unless of course he's honest enough to say he's poz. Too many "negative" people only think they're hiv negative and unfortunately, some will lie.

Even if someone got tested that day, it only means they were negative between six and twelve weeks ago. If they were infected say, two weeks ago, chances are they'd be highly infectious due to the typically sky-high viral load in primary infection.

You've been doing the right thing by insisting on condoms. It doesn't matter how many people you have sex with, what matters it that you are consistently protecting yourself with condoms. And as Jonathan mentioned, make sure you get regular, complete sexual health check-ups. Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence.

Hope you find "Mr. Right" soon, and keep up the good work with the condoms in the meantime. When you do find Mr. Right, make sure you continue using condoms until at least three months into the relationship when you can both obtain conclusive negative hiv results. Good luck!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline salt2233

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Re: Condom Broke, Insertive Partner
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2013, 07:19:13 PM »
Thank you Ann for the encouragement.

jkinatl2, I thank you for your professionalism and insight.

I guess ultimately what has me on a very hard trip is the fact that I am in a weak emotional state right now and obviously the guilt; all of this is very new to me. All these intrusive thoughts pop into my head; and well, I don't want to waste my youth growing up, my life changing over some incident. I am trying my best to keep my mind off of ban mental trips or negative loops. Whether I was at great risk or not, it's not the end of the world. Having those thoughts is completely unnecessary.

I have already scheduled my tests for the 6 week margin and the 3 month margin. I also scheduled blood work for any other STD's with my doctor.

I won't lie, I am a little scared, but life goes on and things will be ok.

Whatever the results are at 6 weeks, I will be sure to come to terms with it and learn/advocate safe sex and encourage others to learn the facts about HIV transmission and prevention. I hope to one day serve the community like all of you guys do! Thank you once again!


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