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Author Topic: Still unsure  (Read 5587 times)

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Offline gatorfl

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Still unsure
« on: September 02, 2013, 11:26:10 PM »
Can someone please help. I've been a nervous wreck for 11 days now.

Here's my story.  I had an encounter with a transsexual. Something I was always curious about even though I'm a strictly straight guy.  We kissed a lot then I gave her unprotected oral for about 30 seconds. She barely got hard. I found it gross to that it was also uncircumcised.  I couldn't detect any precum.  Then she put a condom and she penetrated me (protected) for a bit.  But she could barely keep an erection and I'm pretty sure she faked an orgasm too.  Then I penetrated her (with condom) for about 10 seconds and pulled out and came in the condom.   I felt gross so I hurried up and left. On my way back to my hotel. I was feeling so disgusted with my self I bought a bottle of cepcol mouthwash and went to town on it in the parking lot. I got back to my hotel and did a full scrub down shower. I started have extreme anxiety starting right then out of guilt and regret for my infidelity to my wife. It was the only time I had ever done anything like this. It was out of curiosity.  I kneeled down in front of the bed and asked God for forgiveness and keep me safe.  That's about when my aniexty levels were going into over load.  I'm pretty sure I had full blown panic attacks throughout the entire night and frequent urinating. My mouth was totally dry. I just got dressed and went to work early because I could barely get 1 minute of rest. My throat and mouth hurt that day and was dry. My extreme anxiety lasted 4 more restless nights with enlarged circumvallate papillae in back of tongue and thrush. I was convinced I caught something. I told a friend of mine I was having anxiety attacks for almost a week and gave me some xanax. It's not helping though. I'm an absolute wreck. I'm so scared that I've contracted HIV and I've ruined my life. I'm having suicidal thoughts. It's only been 10 days and my oral thrush is worse. I'm pretty sure it's a candida infection. Which makes me even me scared because its associated with HIV a lot. Was this transexual HIV+. I've read that hormone replacement therapy causes candida infection. And I've also read that it's sexually contagious and get it through deep kissing. All of this is pulling on to my constant debilitating anxiety.  But I've also read extreme stress and PTSD can weaken an immune system and have oral thrush. It started that first night. But is it from my panic attacks or did I pick it up from kissing her, or maybe she had some yeast on her uncircumcised penis.  I'm so scared right now. I feel like this is all a bad dream but I can't wake up. I'm regretting every minute of my stupidity. I put me and my wife at risk. I can't imagine having to tell about this and she has to get tested. I've already been planning my suicide if it comes to this.  Somebody please help. What are my chances of contracting HIV? Should I wait for the 3 month blood test?  How do I explain my thrush starting the next day after ?  Somebody please help. I wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to someone but I can't. I'm going crazy. My anxiety meds aren't even working.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Having panic attacks
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2013, 11:47:28 PM »
You didn't have a risk for HIV from giving a blow job and the penetrative sex was protected with condoms ... so absolutely no risk for HIV . You are suffering from guilt not ARS .

 There have been no fewer than three separate serodiscordant couples studies (where one person is HIV positive, the other negative.) These couples were tracked for three. five and ten years. The couples used condoms for penetrative vaginal and anal sex, but NO BARRIER at all for oral sex. Any kind of oral sex.

These studies yielded NO infections.

The risk factors for HIV are ...

Sharing IV drug needles immediately after use.
Unprotected anal and vaginal sex.
Mother to child during or shortly after birth
Very specific healthcare situations.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED HIV TESTING AT THIS TIME for this incident , anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.
HIV 101 - Basics
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You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
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You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
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You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline gatorfl

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Re: Having panic attacks
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2013, 12:14:34 AM »
Thank you for your reply. Do you have any opinion on the candida thrush problems. Could I have picked it up from her or my anxiety attacks cause it?  It terrifies me because its a symptom of HIV. I had enlarged circumvallate papillae and dry mouth starting later that night of the encounter. How safe is oral when it's uncircumcised?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Having panic attacks
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2013, 12:32:28 AM »
Candida/Thrush is an imbalance in your natural flora. It can (and does) happen to anyone.

Stress can certainly cause it, as can about a thousand other things. When people with HIV present with thrush, we are usually talking about a long term infection (years) that has gone untreated. Certainly not a new infection.

An uncircumsized penis makes zero difference when dealing with the near0zero risk that HIV through giving fellatio presents. The only infectious fluid you'd be presented with is semen. Anything loitering underneath the foreskin can certainly cause other ailments (hey, I just looked this up - including thrush) but has no bearing on HIV whatsoever.

Use a condom for penetrative anal and vaginal sex and you can avoid HIV. It really is that simple.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline gatorfl

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Re: Having panic attacks
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2013, 07:53:53 AM »
Thank you for all of your replys. I went to the doctor and I now have a yeast infection in my mouth because of this encounter.  It's only adding to my anxiety.  Would if I caught something else.  I think the person who I had the encounter with was HIV+. I having nightmares at night that the condom could have broke and now I'm infected. I dont want my life or my marraige ruined over this. Im regreting evrr making this decision. I'm having severe panic attacks at night and throughout the day.  I can barely function at work. Is there anyone in the south florida area that I can speak too for support.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Having panic attacks
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2013, 08:25:49 AM »
Whoa. You need to take some good deep and slow breaths in and out. Really. Do it right now. And do it every time you  are starting to get anxious. It really helps.

Nothing you did during this recent incident put you at risk for HIV. You've already been told that but you seem to only be listening to your fears. And to your feeling of guilt over having strayed. Listen, you did what you did and that's a fact. You need to accept that, let it go and get on with your life. That's the best thing you can do for yourself and for all concerned.

If you can't let go of this worry, then see a therapist or other professional and discuss it in that private situation. We can't help you further with that in this setting.

If the condom had broken you would have known it because it is very visible when that happens. If you are concerned about other STDs you can always have a full panel done to assure yourself that you didn't pick anything else up.

As JK has told you, thrush is absolutely not an HIV specific happening.

Now remember to breathe when you are getting tensed up.

You'll come out of this ok if you stop bothering yourself. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline gatorfl

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Still unsure
« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2014, 11:22:32 AM »
 First off thanks to all who help on these forums.

I posted something a few months ago called "having panic attacks"

Even though I was told I didnt have any exposure I could not shake my debilitating anxiety. So I went and got tested at the health department.  Everything came up negative 7 weeks past possible exposure. I didn't have any flu symptoms in that window but I did have swelling around my jaw for few weeks after testing negative. I didn't know weather it was some type of symptoms or my anxiety and bad teeth grinding at night causing pain.  Or was I seroconverting later? Also I've had what looks like fungal cellulitis around the corners of my lips ever since the encounter. What are the chances of being POZ after a 7 week negative result?  If so, what condition would cause someone to test positive after that?

I'm posting this because my guilt of infidelity is slowly eating me up inside and my anxiety levels shoot through the roof every time I think something could be wrong with me.

Please help

Offline Ann

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Re: Still unsure
« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2014, 11:55:46 AM »

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

You weren't IN a window period when you tested, so this means that you are conclusively hiv negative. Only people who have actually had a risk have to worry about window periods. You didn't have a risk.

If you cannot bring yourself to believe us, go test again and collect another negative result.

Don't think you'll be permitted to keep posting about this no risk, conclusive negative situation just because you took out a subscription. Make sure you read the Welcome thread I linked you to above so you can learn our posting rules - and abide by them. Thank you for your cooperation.

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline gatorfl

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Re: Still unsure
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2014, 01:30:45 PM »

Thank you for the reply and merging my thread.   I received the 60 day warning on my on original so thats why I started a new one.  I apologize.

I guess the real answer I was trying to get was what the chances were after a 7 week negative to become positive later? And why that happened to some people?

Sorry If I upset anyone.  This is the only real place where I feel comfortable asking these questions.  The people on this thread helped me out more than any shrink and anti anxiety meds ever did when I was going through this tough time last Fall. My wife had just suffered a miscarriage 2 days ago and it has both hurt us really bad. I somehow think that I am the cause of it and all of these bad feelings have returned after I was feeling better about it. 

Thank you


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