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Author Topic: I'm Hating My Life Right Now  (Read 2882 times)

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Offline NewPerspective

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
I'm Hating My Life Right Now
« on: August 13, 2013, 09:43:44 PM »
I tested pos almost three weeks ago and posted on this site earlier. Going through the motions of shock is draining. I was so deep in depression then I thought I got out of it last week. I had a new perspective and acceptance of my current situation seemed withing reach. Now, here I go - ALL OVER AGAIN. I'm feeling down and depressed. I drag my body to work b/c no work = no health insurance = no medical care = what's the point.

I can't take the ups and downs of dealing with this and am wondering when it will all end. When will I be at peace with this of all this. When can I just move forward. I hate this.

Offline life2

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  • Posts: 38
Re: I'm Hating My Life Right Now
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2013, 10:20:23 PM »
Hi New,

I was diagnosed in Dec.  Your on a giant rollercoaster right now and you have no control over it.  Don't try.  Let yourself feel your emotions.  Cry if you need to.  Throw something (just not at somebody).

As other have said, it does get better with time.  We still have the dark hours but they tend to not be as dark nor as frequent.  Acknowledge that you are self aware enough to understand that your emotions can often times be spiral irrationally.  In these instances tell yourself that you're ok, your life isn't over, some things are just going to be different.  You can reinforce this by learning as much as you can about hiv.

Utilize local support groups and this community to vent when you need to.

Have you received the results of your lab work yet?  Viral load?  CD4 count?  CD4%?  Any coinfections?

Be well.

Offline NewPerspective

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
Re: I'm Hating My Life Right Now
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2013, 10:25:39 PM »
Thanks for the support Life. I get my results next week Mon. I'm nervous and scared. At times I think I'm strong enough to get on the roller coaster and at other times I just want OFF.

Offline WillyWump

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  • Posts: 7,367
Re: I'm Hating My Life Right Now
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2013, 10:35:05 PM »
Hey New, It's tough being newly diagnosed and having to deal with the range of emotions that come with it. Many of us have felt the same feelings that you are feeling right now. I wished I had something magical to say to make it all stop for you but I dont. But I can tell you that it absolutely gets better, not worse. You will be just fine, promise. It will just take a bit to come to grips with it. Some people get there sooner than others, but in the meantime try to relax in any way you can, you have to carry on with your day to day life and don't let this virus get the best of you.

You are strong enough to do this  ;)

« Last Edit: August 13, 2013, 10:37:18 PM by WillyWump »
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,406
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: I'm Hating My Life Right Now
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2013, 10:57:16 PM »
I don't know how you feel about this but I'm putting it out there.

1) you could consider an SSRI to level out the roller coaster.

2) if you aren't sleeping well, consider sleeping pills.

3) try to remember to be thankful for your job. Anything to keep your mind off the rolling thoughts.  In better times, do you like your job?  Jobs do what you said - pay the bills,  and in the us - provide the health insurance.  But they do a lot of other things.
Besides occupying your mind, working is a good reminder that you are same person.  Just got a bad blow but otherwise you're going to make the same contributions and people are going to value you the same way as before.

You have had NO labs yet at all?? Just a diagnosis.  That's pretty nerve wracking!  I'm sorry to hear that.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline cicero

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: I'm Hating My Life Right Now
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2013, 09:54:34 PM »
Hi New, I'm about a week or so in on my diagnosis and I'm having ranging emotions as well.  Still kind of in something not quite like shock, more like stunned confusion.  I've found this forum helpful as well as being lucky to have a few good friends I can confide in and talk to.  If you're feeling physically well, I've found it helps to get out a little bit. I've also found when I get off work (I hear you about having to drag in and focus on the day with these HIV thoughts looming and distracting), spending the evenings with a friend who is glad to have me. Not being alone too much.  I don't have much more advice but I wish you the best.  Quite a shitty situation we've found ourselves in, yes, but I am confident it will continue to get better, even with those emotional ups and downs. 
"How could this happen to lovely me?" -Jacqueline Susann


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