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Author Topic: Is it me? I need some advice  (Read 1165 times)

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Offline GablesD

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Is it me? I need some advice
« on: August 04, 2013, 12:32:41 PM »
Ok, I need some input here.  I've been positive for 10 years but newly single for about 2 years.  I don't know if I'm just shy about meeting others or afraid of the judgement I'll get when I reveal I'm poz.  It has been WAY TOO LONG since I've been with another and the loneliness is deafening.  I've tried meeting guys on this site but have been unsuccessful and don't know what I'm doing wrong.  I'm 52, not bad looking but things have really changed on the dating scene since I've been part of it.  I'm so afraid of hurting/possibly infecting another that I'm not even putting myself "out there" and I know I have to.  I'm thinking of moving to Ft Lauderdale/Wilton Manors to become part of the "gay community" as I think that would help.  I could REALLY use some advice....PLEASE.

Offline ad2san

  • Member
  • Posts: 235
Re: Is it me? I need some advice
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2013, 12:43:50 PM »
hi there,

indeed things have changed on the dating scene  (internet, grindr ... ) Well if you do not feel comfortable with these "tools" ... do it "old fashion" : go out in bars and clubs, meet people that share the same passion as you do etc ... you'll see that there maybe someone looking exactly at the same as you do.
Concerning the possibility of infecting another guy : it won't happen if you play safe ... no matter what ... top or bottom ! So don't give yourself excuses for not being 110% that attractive guy you definitely are !

PS: you may invite me at your wedding  ;)
Feb   2009 CD4 358 VL 2000 16%
May  2009 CD4 305 VL 3069  14% <---- Started TVD+ATZ/r
Jul  2009 CD4 512 VL <50   18%
Jul 2010 CD4 418 VL <50 24%                     
Switched to Kivexa (Epzicom) + Norvir + Reyataz (due to sleep problem)
Aug 2010 CD4 606 VL <50 25%
Jul 2011 CD4 494 UD 23%
Switched to Kivexa (Epzicom) + Viramune XR (due to kidney problems)
January 2012 CD4 564 UD 31%
January 2013 CD4 594 UD 26%
Switched to Kivexa (Epzicom) + Isentress due to BIG increase GammaGT
Feb 2013 CD4 699 UD 28%
Aug 2014 CD4 639 UD 25%
Switched January 2015 to Triumeq
May 2015 CD4 807 UD 31%
Switched Nov 2016 to Genvoya due to gastric problems
November 2016 CD4 847 UD 32%

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,406
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Is it me? I need some advice
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2013, 01:11:59 PM »
Im 50.  Dating isn't as exciting nor as natural feeling as it was at 30.
But we have to work with what we got, with today, etc.  Right?

"I'm so afraid of hurting/possibly infecting another that I'm not even putting myself "out there" and I know I have to."

You have to bury this.  As I said I'm 50. In all those years I've been hurt by people, and unfortunately hurt other people, and for all sorts of "reasons" or "explanations" or mistakes, or fate, or whatever. 

On the one hand, we can just chuck HIV into the gnarly grab-bag of excuses for being hurt or hurting.  On the other hand, that sort of eliminates anything special about HIV. Its not THE deal-breaker of all deal-breakers. Is it?  Its not inherently any reason to hurt or be hurt? Is it? 

As for the fear of infecting others:  is this something you believe is possible, intellectually?  Or a sort of irrational feeling, fear? 

Safe sex is out?? 

Are you on ART - undetectable? 

What about dating other HIV+ people? 

There are ways out of this focus on risk and danger.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2013, 01:15:10 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx


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