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Author Topic: poz, undetectable partner--how safe are we?  (Read 2674 times)

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Offline lpd19852001

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poz, undetectable partner--how safe are we?
« on: July 28, 2013, 02:23:31 PM »
I apologize if this is misplaced.  I don't seem to have access to the "Am I Infected?" forum even though I've only posted there twice.  In any case, I think it might apply here too so I figured I'd post...

My partner is poz and undetectable for almost 10 years now (his health is generally very good).  We are ALWAYS safe with condoms (we're gay, I'm receptive for anal sex) and though I do give him oral sex unprotected, he has never ejaculated in my mouth.  I find our sex life to be very fulfilling, and always thought we were being as responsible as we could to keep ourselves safe.

About 4 weeks ago, I had the worst sore throat of my life.  I went to the doctor who told me it was a throat infection and put me on antibiotics.  I also had a fever, was waking up sweating, loss of appetite/nausea, and was coughing up some bloody mucous.  The first round of antibiotics didn't work, so another doctor prescribed another.  The sore throat eventually went away, but four weeks later I still don't have much appetite/feel nauseous, have a bit of a cough, sweat sometimes in the night and feel just a bit "off" (though the  sore throat and mucous have disappeared).

This past week I went to my boyfriend's HIV doctor (he studies infectious diseases in general, so it seemed relevant).  He had me do a chest scan and test for mono, which I think is prudent.  He says he doesn't really suspect HIV, but I just can't shake the worry.  I had a colleague and my sister told they also had throat infections around the same time as me, and about four weeks ago (when I first went to the doctor) I took an HIV test just out of habit, which was negative; all of those facts seem to be in my favor.

Honestly, I don't know if I am worrying myself for nothing or if I should be concerned.  Should I take another HIV test since I've heard it can take a while after ARS symptoms for a positive result?  My boyfriend knows that I am worried and feels bad about it, so I feel like it's having a negative effect on my relationship as well  :-[  The only possible exposure I can think of is that while sleeping, my partner sometimes becomes "frisky" in his sleep and inserts his penis into my butt--but even as I type that I can't imagine that I'm sleeping through penetration, and it's just frottage as far as I know.

Sorry for the lengthy post, and tell me to bug off if I've already used up my opportunities here.  In any case, thanks for reading.

« Last Edit: July 28, 2013, 02:27:48 PM by lpd19852001 »

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: poz, undetectable partner--how safe are we?
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2013, 05:07:04 PM »
If you are mutually monogamous, your partner has a persistent undetectable viral load, and neither has any other STDs, then using a condom for anal sex is the most you need to do - if that.

Oral sex under the conditions above is perfectly safe, in both directions, to completion. And many heterosexual couples conceive naturally (bareback!) and many do not go back to condoms afterwards. Obviously it's up to you and your partner to find and explore your boundaries and mutual comfort levels, but as long as his virus is under control and he does not have other partners/STDs, then he presents no real danger to you sexually, no matter what.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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