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Author Topic: Parents Recent Diagosis is leading to Relationship Issues  (Read 3217 times)

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Offline paperplane

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Parents Recent Diagosis is leading to Relationship Issues
« on: July 14, 2013, 11:36:02 pm »
Hello all, I found this forum today and it seems like this is a great community and I look forward to posting a lot more in the future. I'm a 20 something female and I recently moved back home with my parents after living with a long term boyfriend for three years. We're still dating, but due to employment/monetary issues we can't live together at the moment.

Shortly after I moved home my dad came down with a bad case of double lung pneumonia which led to the hospital testing him for HIV, which came back positive. My mother then went in for a test and it came back positive as well. I think the doctor said since my dad caught an opportunistic infection he is considered to have AIDS, but luckily my mother is still at the HIV phase. They don't know how they caught it and I guess they don't care because it's already happened and they don't want to dwell on "what could have been."

I told my boyfriend about this and he immediately recommended I go get tested myself. I did, and my test was negative. He was relieved but recently he told me that as long as I'm living with my parents he will not have intercourse with me at all. And he also informed me that before we move back in together I will need to be tested again before we have sex. Recently he visited and he barely wanted to kiss me. I know HIV/AIDS is scary, but I also know it's not that easy to catch. I never share toothbrushes/razors with my parents. I never touch their blood, and if I needed to for some reason, we have a good supply of gloves. So I'm hurt that my boyfriend is pulling away from any intimate relationship with ME because he's paranoid of me getting HIV simply because I live with my HIV+ parents. Is this normal? Should I be worried? I don't know how to feel. On one hand, I understand his concerns a bit, but it just seems a bit overboard. I want to be with him, but he said he even feels uneasy visiting me because he's never been around anyone with HIV. I guess I just feel a bit bummed out.

I'm already having an emotional time dealing with my parents new lifestyle, having them live with HIV/AIDS and all these medications and doctor's appointments, but now it seems it's affecting my personal life quite a bit, and I'm very saddened.

Anyway, I just wanted to rant a bit, if you all want to offer opinions or thoughts, please do. Thank you for reading.

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Parents Recent Diagosis is leading to Relationship Issues
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2013, 11:53:15 pm »
Hi Paper , and welcome to the forum , these are the ONLY ways HIV is acquired ...

Sharing IV drug needles immediately after use.
Unprotected anal and vaginal sex.
Mother to child during or shortly after birth
Very specific healthcare situations.

You will not be infected with HIV from living with a person who has HIV unless you engage in those very few risky situations , period . All of us that live with HIV have family and friends who are HIV negative and not once in the history of HIV has a single person ever been infected in any other manner that the few risk factors above .

Ask you bf to read the forum to educate himself , if he doesn't change his mind and attitude I think you know what you are going to have to do ... He is trying to make you choose between him and your parents and frankly I wouldn't stand for it if I were you .

His concerns are baseless and ignorant . I'm sure others will chime in to welcome you and offer their point of view . 
HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Parents Recent Diagosis is leading to Relationship Issues
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2013, 01:26:42 am »


       As Jeff has already explained, you are in no way at risk.  I think you already know this though.   I'll keep my opinion about your boyfriend to myself, but I will say this, he needs to be a bit more supportive  here instead of adding to your heartache.

      If he is that paranoid and does not believe you tell him to join the forums and ask us all the questions necessary.  If he loves you it's the least he can do...  I commend you for joining both out of concern for your parents, and the desire to seek out knowledge regarding HIV.  It will be of great value to both you and your parents.

     Welcome to the forums and I am truly sorry to hear about your parents diagnosis.

I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Jmarksto

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Re: Parents Recent Diagosis is leading to Relationship Issues
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2013, 02:03:42 am »
Hey Paperplane;  Sorry to hear about your folks, and your situation with your boyfriend - but welcome. 

I think Jeff has given you a pretty straightforward answer on the risks of transmission, and skeebo makes a good point that if your boyfriend really loves you he will educate himself.  As skeebo points out this is a great place for education, although there are many other places to get educated if he would rather, including: your local Aids Service Organization (ASO) and his (or your) doctor.

I really am sorry that you are having to deal with the stigma of this disease in this way, I guess the silver lining is that this is an opportunity to educate one more person, and I hope this ends up bringing you closer to your boyfriend in the long run.

....one last thought that just came to me -- your boyfriend required that you be tested -- when was the last time he was tested?  If it has been a while, it may be worth having him go to the local ASO for a test and a brief discussion regarding the risks of transmission.

Again, welcome,

03/15/12 Negative
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