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Author Topic: Is my HIV+ partner's favorite activity risky?  (Read 1611 times)

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Offline DO452

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Is my HIV+ partner's favorite activity risky?
« on: June 25, 2013, 06:26:07 PM »
I recently started seeing somebody who is HIV+ and we've been having a wonderful time in bed, but he has one thing he really likes that feels risky to me, so I wanted to ask about it here because if it's safe, I'd love to give him what he wants and feel comfortable about it, and if it's not safe, I want to know to avoid it.

We always use latex condoms when having anal sex, but before we get to that point, when we're fooling around, he likes it when I rub the tip of my (condomless) penis on his anus and gently insert the tip a few times, maybe half an inch, before pulling out and putting on a condom to proceed with full intercourse. I've already done this with him a couple times but I get uneasy about it so I'd like to know the risks. (Note: I am circumcised and was recently was tested clear of all STIs prior to seeing this partner.)

I'm also wondering what kind of questions are worth asking about his viral load and such. So far all I know is that he's very healthy - so much that it surprises his doctors, he doesn't have to take any medication and has been participating in a scientific study by doctors who are trying to understand why he's doing so remarkably well. All of this certainly sounds good, but it still feels vague in that I don't know what relationship his good health and lack of meds has with his risk of transmitting HIV to another person.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Is my HIV+ partner's favorite activity risky?
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2013, 07:25:52 PM »
Hi Do452 . The rubbing or frottage isn't a risk for HIV , however you shouldn't be dipping or briefly inserting your penis into him unless you are consistently and correctly using condoms .

Dipping is a low risk activity but that doesn't make it no risk . If you use condoms correctly everytime you have vaginal or anal sex you will avoid HIV .

I would refrain for dipping and insist on condoms until such a time that you are in a monogamous relationship and you know your partners HIV . STD and Hep status .

If you wish to test for your low risk incident you can do so at 6 weeks past any possible exposure and again at 3 months to confirm the results .

Its rare to test positive for a dipping episode but I wouldn't keep putting myself at risk if I were you .   
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Offline Ann

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Re: Is my HIV+ partner's favorite activity risky?
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2013, 05:24:14 AM »

One of the biggest dangers in unprotected dipping is that, in the heat of the moment, it can all too easily lead to full-on unprotected intercourse.

You can safely rub the shaft and head of your penis on the outside of his anus (frottage) without worry, so maybe doing this a little more intensely may be a compromise for you two.

Frottage with plenty of lube can be quite enjoyable - just make sure you have a condom ready for when you take the plunge. With a little practice you can put one on without hardly missing a beat.

Regarding his viral load, he sounds like what we call a long-term non-progressor (LTNP). These people typically have a very low viral load and some, called elite controllers, will have an undetectable viral load without taking meds.

By all means ask him about this - the lower his viral load, the lower the risk to you in general.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

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